Do You Still Love Me Jesus, I Ain’t Christian Anymore?

When I was a little girl, my family were Evangelical Christians. I still have no idea what sets all sects of Christianity apart. Does Evangelical mean you dig the gospel, get loose with song and desire to invoke the spirit of Jesus far more than the Lutheran’s or the Baptists?
Who the hell knows.
My family went to church almost every Sunday, except for on the rare occasions I could wiggle my way out of entering the Lord’s house. We read the bible, gave blessings before meals, prayed to God before bed, and feared hell. I must have asked Jesus to wipe away my sins and let me be reborn a couple times a week once I hit adolescence, for I thought about the glory of some boy’s hands down my pants far more than all the ways I could be a good Christian girl, let me tell you. Nothing’s changed.

According to the good old gospel, I was a sinner… Correction, I am a sinner, still…

Yep, a sinner.

A bad girl authoring my one way ticket to hell.


My parents had a doozy of a time raising me. While they lapped up everything that was fed to them, I questioned all of it. The tyranny, the hypocrisy. Happy faced Christian’s who donated to the church every Sunday, projecting their Sunday best behind catered masks, for underneath all those smiles and good gestures, were some of the most (not all, but many) self-righteous, judgmental, condemning rats you’d ever encounter.

Now listen, I am not here to bash on Christianity, for this isn’t about Christians as much as it is what religion does to (certain) people and the belief they hold that if you’re not a Christian and don’t have Jesus in your heart, you are doomed to eternal damnation.

A little stiff, even for you, Jesus, don’t you think? (I know you got hung on the cross bro, but at least you rose from the dead on the third day and went back to heaven). At the rate I am going, I’ll be circling Dante’s 9 gates of hell for eternity.

Well, what do I do?

I am hardwired to be naughty and wild. It’s just my nature, dude. 

Hmm… I wonder what I will learn down there that you can’t learn right here, on good old fashioned earth? Cause sometimes I think heaven and hell are already here, right now, on this planet. You can tap into either within the blink of an eye.

In my humble opinion, religion has always been the devil’s hiding ground. Coming from a place of condemnation and intolerance isn’t God, it’s something else, something else entirely. You know what I mean.

It takes a genius to hide behind the veil of the righteous in broad daylight condemning all these sinners to hell and for people to actually believe that kind of a person is holy. As a kid I saw right through it. I saw through it so clearly I didn’t have a need for anyone: not religion, my parents or my friends to tell me what was right and wrong for me or how I should live in accordance with divinity.

After studying all the major world religions in college, and familiarizing myself with the historical Jesus, versus the one who gets noted in the cannon, I too have a love for this mysterious man who will forever be more famous than whatever Pope exists at any given moment. Jesus had an amazing message and though Christianity tried to adapt it, I am not sure they really understood what Jesus meant when he said, “The kingdom of God is inside of you.” I’m not sure Christians ever understood Jesus was a Jew either, but oh well.

I don’t know if the Christian Jesus ever came into my heart all those time I was sincerely asking not be a wild child, but the historical Jesus entered my heart in college, when I realized that there is love in my heart for all religions and the good it tries to do in people’s lives. Everything has its downside and I just choose to see it, not persecute it. Some people need faith and need to hear the words of God to feel like they’re moving in a positive direction. Do what it takes to be at peace with yourself, is my philosophy.

For those people who get constricted and condemning because of religion why don’t you try accepting the fact that you can’t stop thinking about blow-jobs, sex, and all things naughty and get on with life. I sincerely doubt you are hell bound for being a horn dog, and I’m sure Jesus already knows what’s up, for remember, God made you in its image.

Peace. Jesus. Love. Sex. Music. Kelly

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Kelly, I could relate to your post. Love to talk about it sometime. I don’t know about you, but I like my sin. But I don’t like liking my sin. I was “saved” when I was 10. You know, filled with the Holy Spirit. Felt new. Wanted to please God. But now I think about my sin. I like it. Lately, everyday, I started asking Jesus if He still loves me. Sometimes it’s like he washes over me or pours Himself into me so much that tears flow like a waterfall because there’s no more room inside. I used to have genuine love for Jesus. But I can’t seem to love Him and my sin at the same time.

Now I’m a preacher. I wanted to quit living a while back and Jesus came by and let me know he wanted me share His good news. I was thinking about my atheist friend. I don’t know how it will be in the end, but I don’t wanna chance it.

The only thing that helps me is singing. I don’t know why, but it’s the only thing I can do with all my heart and know it’s right.

I found your post by searching the words, “Jesus do you love me.” I know he loves us. My sin moves me more than He does but I know He loves me. I don’t feel bad anymore for my sin, but I also don’t feel Him like I did. The problem is I want both. The philosopher C. S. Lewis wrote a book called The Great Divorce and I now realize He was talking bout what I’m going through.

I don’t know you, but I love you. I’m sorry about the hypocrisy of the church. Please forgive us.

HI John, thank you so much for taking the time to connect with me. I studied Philosophy with an emphasis in Religious Studies in college and what I have come to realize is this. Sin is an aspect of the human condition. We were born with certain innate desires and I believe that we have to live in accord with our truth. You can love your sin and love Jesus at the same time. I think there is too much judgment in our world and I don’t think this judgment exists for God the way we think it does. What is sin but rules? Can’t have sex before marriage? Give me a fucking break? I truly believe that you have to live in accord with what you believe is right for YOU. There is no one right way for everyone and as long as you are happy, as long as you feel in alignment with your truth then so will Jesus. I think Jesus probably looked around and saw a lot of chaos. All those rules are man made, they are not God made rules. Maybe you love your sin because you love your humanity. Sin helps us grow and discover who we are. I am what I am and I will take my chances with God. I know the difference between right and wrong and I am doing my best. Jesus is infinite love, not conditional love. And that is where you must begin to understand who you are.