You’re probably thinking, duh… men totally need to have sex with a lot of women…
So why does this little inconvenient truth about most MEN bother some women so much?
A facebook friend posed this question as a part of my new GIVE BACK Tuesday post where I dedicate a blog to one of my readers or facebook friends.
Her question: Is it true that men need to mate several women – hence why so few remain monogamous after the passion has fizzled in a comfortable long term relationship? Or is it a choice? Is it in the make up of genes or mind?
Here’s the truth: when it comes to long term relationships sex typically takes a backseat to the actual ‘relationship’ and this factor becomes a big problem for a lot of love dynamics. No matter how much a man loves a woman, if sex doesn’t remain an aspect of the relationship that nourishes and feeds the dynamic, a sexual man who needs a lot of sex is going to gravitate wherever that FIRE LIVES.
DON’T BULLSHIT YOURSELF.
Sex is IMPORTANT. People who tell you it’s not are living in denial….
If you have a low sex drive and you are with a high sex drive guy that’s a recipe for disaster.
If you have a good sex drive and you’re meeting your man’s needs, a truly monogamous man will be satisfied. If he’s still wandering, no matter how much sex you have, he’s not monogamous in his heart. It’s NATURE. It’s not just about CHOICE. It’s about A PERSON’S NATURE and WHAT THEY NEED SEXUALLY.
PEOPLE WANT TO FEEL ALIVE. MEN WANT TO FEEL ALIVE.
SEX MAKES PEOPLE FEEL ALIVE.
MEN LIKE SEX and NEED IT THE SAME WAY THEY NEED OXYGEN TO BREATHE. (And there is nothing wrong with this, AT ALL!)
Women like and need sex too, but it’s a sad truth that women are more likely to let go of the importance of sex in the relationship than men are.
Women can look at men as horn dogs with insatiible appetites for sex and countless women, or we can just look at the biggest fact driving most men: SEX IS RAD. When it’s good it’s better than ANYTHING ON THE FRIGGIN PLANET.
It’s not a mystery WHY men like sex or WHY men would want to have sex with a lot of women.
WOMEN are beautiful creatures and no two women are alike.
If I were a man I would have a harem. Why? Do, I really need to spell it out? Women are sensual, exciting creatures, and connecting sexually is one of the greatest gifts of being human. As a woman I can’t manage having a harem of men, okay maybe in my twenties, but if I was a guy WHY THE FUCK NOT?!
WHY NOT CONNECT WITH AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU DESIRE THAT ARE WILLING AND WANTING?!!
This might not sustain a man forever, at some point he might want something deeper with one woman, but dayum, women are SEXY in a much different way than men.
No matter how much our culture tries to make MEN and WOMEN the same, we aren’t. Not in EVERYTHING. And these differences between men and women aren’t BAD, nor are they arms for competition, they are basic facts that we cannot turn a blind eye to. When I listen to most of my girlfriends talk about sex or their need of it, let me tell you, they pale in comparison to my male friends and that’s just the truth. The demographic of women that have sex drives like men are still at a lower percentage to women who’s sex drives are not as strong as men.
MOST MEN HAVE STRONGER SEX DRIVES THAN MOST WOMEN. It’s a fact not a diss on women.
THE TRUTHS ABOUT MEN AND SEX
(A note about generalizing: I get that not ALL MEN fall into this category, but on average this is what goes on.)
1). Men compartmentalize sex and emotions differently than women.
(Men can have sex with women for the sheer pleasure of sex, appreciation and attraction to women, and it doesn’t have to be about love or major emotional connection. Sometimes a hot body, hot sex, and a hot night is all a man needs to justify a good time. Though women can do this as well, most women don’t want to have sex just to masturbate themselves through another. Women need more, want something deeper, and most women are looking to connect and develop greater emotional relationships, while most men are content to just get it on for the sake of getting it on.)
2). Men’s sex drives are more straight forward.
(Male orgam is a lot like male sexuality. It rises and falls. It’s not as complex as it is for women. A woman’s sexuality isn’t linear. It builds and rumbles, twists and ruptures at different frequencies all at once. It’s complicated and glorious. Men don’t need as much as women to be gratified sexually and this doesn’t make men shallow, it just means men are wired differently. Some men have more complex sexual structures but these men are typically trained and have been working with their sexuality much more diliberatly than the average man.)
3). Men think about sex at least once a day or several times a day.
(Women can go days without thinking about sex or needing it, while most men, on average make sexual associations and obsess about sex.)
4). Men masturbate more than women.
(Just ask your female friends how often they masturbate? Most men masturbate at least once a day. Most women masturbate once a week.)
5). Men fantasize more than women.
(Again, sex and the delights of sex are on the minds of men more than women. Men are more likely to seek out fantasy fulfillment.)
6). Gay men have more sex than lesbians.
(Even gay men have more sex than lesbians. I mean, the proof is in the pudding people. If gay men are fucking, and straight men are fucking, then you can deny a man’s sexuality all you want or you can get curious about men and their nature.)
Not all men might need to mate a lot of women, even though it would be nice, just saying…. but BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF LADIES.
MOST MEN NEED and LIKE SEX and WANT TO BE WITH NUMEROUS WOMEN.
If you try to change a man’s nature to be more like yours then you are in a world of trouble.
If you can accept that most men are more sexual than you then you can begin to understand men instead of judging them. In all reality it might not be too bad for you to up the anty so your man stays in the zone of feeling ALIVE and FIREY. It will benefit both of you and you won’t run into as many problems as you would if you just want to deny the nature of men.
MEN SHOULDN’T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR LIKING SEX, WANTING IT, AND DELIGHTING IN BEAUTY AND THE GORGEOUS WOMEN OF THE WORLD just so some women can feel better about their opposing need for sex in comparision to men or lack of desire for several men.
Here’s the real deal ladies, there are different kinds of guys in this world. There are men who will always crave, and always want more than one woman no matter how much they love you, and there are men who require safety, security, routine, consistency, and home-life more than the wild men who don’t want to nest. If you find yourself attracted to bad boys or wild men, just like wild horses you can’t expect them to be domesticated. You have to understand the nature of the man you attract and why. If you want a man who doesn’t need to fuck a lot of women, find a domesticated man or a man who shares the same values as you.
Men are a mixed lot and I don’t believe that most men are monogamous by nature. Men choose monogamy to have an experience with one woman, and hopefully those men have fucked a lot of women before they find that special person they want to nest with.
You might not like what I have had to say here, but unless you have yourself a ‘special alien of a man’ who isn’t wired like most men, you might want to listen.
Understand the nature of men, so you don’t get shocked by the truth you don’t want to see.
This blog is for Erika Mourelo, who was brave enough to ask the question I couldn’t wait to answer.
Please share with your friends. Thank you, graciously.
Referrences: Dr. Brian White, MD. on the biology of men and sex.