I’d like to allow my vulnerability to shine through in this piece.
It’s rare that I let down my guard, and speak from my heart and feminine essence. My masculine has ruled for so long. But recently, I realized how hardened I’ve actually become.
Someone came into my life for a brief moment, blasted some serious perspective, and awoke the sleeping feminine in me.
So, here I sit today, ready to flip the script on what it means to show vulnerability. I’m here to show that vulnerability is neither weak nor cowardly. It requires immense courage and strength.
It’s my coming out party BITCHES.
For clarity’s sake: the term Consciously Awake might trip some of you up. “What the heck does that mean and why the hell is it so important?”
I’ll put this bluntly. When you are not dealing with Consciously Awake Women you are dealing with crazy bitches, women with emotional problems and severe insecurity issues.
Men: if you love drama and women who bathe in insecurity, you have no business reading this unless you’re ready for a change. This post might trigger you. That’s okay. That’s growth.
Women: This post might trigger you too. Being a Consciously Awake woman requires you to work through these triggers. It’s no one’s responsibility but your own. If you choose not to accept that, stop reading now.
But, if you, reader, male and female, want to grow into more awareness in your relationships and life, settle into your seat for the next ten minutes. I’m about to lay down some meaningful shit.
The choice is yours.
Before I take you too far down the rabbit hole, I want to be clear: EVERYONE has issues. Men. Women. The difference lies in self-awareness.
Yes, Consciously Awake means Self-Aware. It is the complete antithesis of self-conscious.
Unfortunately, whether the cause was childhood trauma, sexual abuse, or mommy and daddy didn’t teach much about self-respect/worth, most women start out a little “off.”
The tough reality is that all women have to navigate these waters until they personally decide how they want to view themselves. And often, we see this result in unconscious self-hate.
Bad decisions. Unhealthy relationships. Insecurities. Doubt. Self-deprecation. Comparison.
These are self-hate manifestations.
At 23-years old, my romantic life was tripping me up. I was choosing men who were ambitious and driven. The downside is they were complete pricks. I liked men that were wicked smart. It’s a shame that some of those fools were too wicked for their own well being.
Then I met Adam. Adam and I clicked. Conversation was endless. There were no topics left untouched. What a relief that was. Adam was a Consciously Awake man, the first I had ever encountered in my life. His self-awareness opened my own world to an expansion of my self. The part of me I had been craving for an eternity.
Deep-seeded issues started arising. I had no idea how much my past was playing itself out in my present.
Fortunately, the one thing I had gotten right (and didn’t fuck around with) was my outright refusal to compromise on my standards of living. So, instead of running, I dived in to examine and process the stuff I’d buried for so long.
My desire to wake up was bigger than my desire to stay unconscious. I went to war with my demons and did the work to become a more Consciously Awake human being.
Choosing awareness was brutal. Real examination of self and vulnerability requires courage, discipline and immense strength.
It’s tough to understand until you’re sinking in piles of your own shit and you have to figure a way out before it suffocates you.
But once you’re out… you’re free.
The Solution to Modern Day Dysfunction
Consciously Awake Women are not your average woman.
We choose growth and evolution of self. We take pride in our personal development. We dive into the fires of our souls, emotional triggers, past wounds, flaws, mistakes, or pain. We aren’t afraid of therapy or coaching. We don’t allow fear to make decisions for us.
We care about our health, attitude, style, and connections. We value communication. We are reasonable (even when we’re pissed off). We admit when we are wrong. We are willing to talk things out once the dust has settled.
We’re beautiful but not flawless. We’re aware but not egotistical. We slip from time to time. We own what’s ours. We let you own what’s yours. We’re healthy and sane. We get crazy and party. We work through our shadows.
We, Consciously Awake women, are relationship material. We are the kind of women men want.
Here’s the truth you might now know or realize. And it’s the truth of many other women as well.
Men… WE NEED YOU.
All this “we don’t need you” crap is a big fucking lie.
The problem is a lot of you are lame, unreliable, emotionally stunted, and impossible to date. The idea that the vast majority of men are cavemen has validity.
And it’s hard to need (and want) a caveman with no purpose and no ability to communicate to us as women. We need men, not boys.
Ever since the Women’s Liberation movement, women have been vying for the respect and equality we deserve. Women have only begun to fully understand how the over-arching male ego of our greater reality and history has fractured our femininity.
The women’s movement made women more masculine. If women wanted to play with the “big boys” we had to play a man’s game. We had to armor up. We turned to masculinity for strength so that we could reasonably compete in a man’s world, leaving us hardened, bitter, and aggressive bitches who have little to no faith left in the emotional maturity or acknowledgement of men.
And guys… we’re really fucking tired of fighting for the right to be seen and honored for the magnitude of what and who we are.
We want you to take your blinders off. We want you to actually treat women the way you would want men to treat your moms, sisters, and daughters.
We’re done fighting. You either get it or you don’t.
So, today, on behalf of all women, I am taking off the armor and the boxing gloves.
We no longer need to self protect to be strong. We are STRONG.
We are not afraid to feel. We are emotional beings. We can be hurt and it is okay. We don’t require a man to be responsible for our emotions.
We want a man that can handle all of us, emotionally mature men who don’t run away at the sight of our essence.
We have evolved through enormous effort and courage to confront the tumultuous waters of our own emotional landscape and conditioning.
We are not entitled or self-righteous. We are confident and loving. We love ourselves first.
We are not selfish. We have boundaries. We trust our intuition.
And we have no time for emotionally counterfeit men.
The Problem Women Face With Some Men
There is nothing un-sexier to a Consciously Awake woman than a guy who is still being potty trained emotionally. These men are not men. They’re boys.
And to the women who are still toying with these boys, you can make better choices. It’s time to demand these men step up and initiate into manhood.
There is a big difference between a MAN who can harness his boy spirit, and be playful, loving, funny, and obnoxious, and a man who has the emotional intelligence of a teenage boy.
3 Signs A Man Is Still Potty Training Emotionally
1). He’s never explored his emotional landscape or done inner personal work, gone through extensive therapy or personal and emotional coaching.
2). He doesn’t own his shit. He expects others to deal with his emotional issues, triggers, unresolved childhood stuff or dysfunctional family imprinting.
3) He’s insecure and projects his fear and emotional wounds onto you, but tries to spin it like you’re the one with issues.
Emotionally stunted men are an epidemic in our culture. A lot of these emotionally stunted guys have awesome personalities. The real problem is that they’re cool in every way except for how they choose to deal with their emotions.
All women get caught up with these types at one stage or another until they wise up.
Why? Because we aren’t living in a culture where the emotional intelligence of men is predominantly great, and it often takes time for people to see others as they actually are.
A lot of women are so starved for connection that they begin making excuses. They get roped into multi-yearlong love affairs when WARNING SIGNS have been flashing the entire time.
Ladies! Stop falling for a guy’s potential. Too many women want to be with the idea of who a man is. They sacrifice deep emotional intimacy and choose good looks and hot sex, then complain once the relationship fails.
If he has major emotional issues (like the ones I highlighted), you will be babysitting, playing mommy, and living with a headache larger than life.
That is unless he is willing to work his shit out on his own without you nagging him to do so. The desire must come from within, not from you. It’s time we choose men who value growth. We will no longer subscribe to one-sided relationship. These leave us bitter, resentful and unfulfilled.
We’ve been down that road too many times already. We aren’t looking for disappointment. We are looking for someone who stands out. We want men who challenge us to grow.
I didn’t come here to stay the same. Did you?
It’s a choice we must make daily. It’s scary. We must confront it. We can choose fear—or we can choose the life we crave and wish to experience.
We are not asking for perfection, but our standards remain high.
XO, Kelly Marceau
Photo credit: http://loveandlace.onsugar.com/date/2011/1/20