Sexy Consciously Awake Women: Who We Are, What We Want and Need From MEN

I’d like to allow my vulnerability to shine through in this piece.

It’s rare that I let down my guard, and speak from my heart and feminine essence. My masculine has ruled for so long. But recently, I realized how hardened I’ve actually become.

Someone came into my life for a brief moment, blasted some serious perspective, and awoke the sleeping feminine in me.

So, here I sit today, ready to flip the script on what it means to show vulnerability. I’m here to show that vulnerability is neither weak nor cowardly. It requires immense courage and strength.

It’s my coming out party BITCHES.


For clarity’s sake: the term Consciously Awake might trip some of you up. “What the heck does that mean and why the hell is it so important?”

I’ll put this bluntly. When you are not dealing with Consciously Awake Women you are dealing with crazy bitches, women with emotional problems and severe insecurity issues.

Men: if you love drama and women who bathe in insecurity, you have no business reading this unless you’re ready for a change. This post might trigger you. That’s okay. That’s growth.

Women: This post might trigger you too. Being a Consciously Awake woman requires you to work through these triggers. It’s no one’s responsibility but your own. If you choose not to accept that, stop reading now.

But, if you, reader, male and female, want to grow into more awareness in your relationships and life, settle into your seat for the next ten minutes. I’m about to lay down some meaningful shit.

The choice is yours.

Before I take you too far down the rabbit hole, I want to be clear: EVERYONE has issues. Men. Women. The difference lies in self-awareness.

Yes, Consciously Awake means Self-Aware. It is the complete antithesis of self-conscious.

Unfortunately, whether the cause was childhood trauma, sexual abuse, or mommy and daddy didn’t teach much about self-respect/worth, most women start out a little “off.”

The tough reality is that all women have to navigate these waters until they personally decide how they want to view themselves. And often, we see this result in unconscious self-hate.

Bad decisions. Unhealthy relationships. Insecurities. Doubt. Self-deprecation. Comparison.

These are self-hate manifestations.

At 23-years old, my romantic life was tripping me up. I was choosing men who were ambitious and driven. The downside is they were complete pricks. I liked men that were wicked smart. It’s a shame that some of those fools were too wicked for their own well being.

Then I met Adam. Adam and I clicked. Conversation was endless. There were no topics left untouched. What a relief that was. Adam was a Consciously Awake man, the first I had ever encountered in my life. His self-awareness opened my own world to an expansion of my self. The part of me I had been craving for an eternity.

Deep-seeded issues started arising. I had no idea how much my past was playing itself out in my present.

Fortunately, the one thing I had gotten right (and didn’t fuck around with) was my outright refusal to compromise on my standards of living. So, instead of running, I dived in to examine and process the stuff I’d buried for so long.

My desire to wake up was bigger than my desire to stay unconscious. I went to war with my demons and did the work to become a more Consciously Awake human being.

Choosing awareness was brutal. Real examination of self and vulnerability requires courage, discipline and immense strength.

It’s tough to understand until you’re sinking in piles of your own shit and you have to figure a way out before it suffocates you.

But once you’re out… you’re free.

The Solution to Modern Day Dysfunction

Consciously Awake Women are not your average woman.

We choose growth and evolution of self. We take pride in our personal development. We dive into the fires of our souls, emotional triggers, past wounds, flaws, mistakes, or pain. We aren’t afraid of therapy or coaching. We don’t allow fear to make decisions for us.

We care about our health, attitude, style, and connections. We value communication. We are reasonable (even when we’re pissed off). We admit when we are wrong. We are willing to talk things out once the dust has settled.

We’re beautiful but not flawless. We’re aware but not egotistical. We slip from time to time. We own what’s ours. We let you own what’s yours. We’re healthy and sane. We get crazy and party. We work through our shadows.

We, Consciously Awake women, are relationship material. We are the kind of women men want.

Here’s the truth you might now know or realize. And it’s the truth of many other women as well.


All this “we don’t need you” crap is a big fucking lie.

The problem is a lot of you are lame, unreliable, emotionally stunted, and impossible to date. The idea that the vast majority of men are cavemen has validity.

And it’s hard to need (and want) a caveman with no purpose and no ability to communicate to us as women. We need men, not boys.

Ever since the Women’s Liberation movement, women have been vying for the respect and equality we deserve. Women have only begun to fully understand how the over-arching male ego of our greater reality and history has fractured our femininity.

The women’s movement made women more masculine. If women wanted to play with the “big boys” we had to play a man’s game. We had to armor up. We turned to masculinity for strength so that we could reasonably compete in a man’s world, leaving us hardened, bitter, and aggressive bitches who have little to no faith left in the emotional maturity or acknowledgement of men.

And guys… we’re really fucking tired of fighting for the right to be seen and honored for the magnitude of what and who we are.

We want you to take your blinders off. We want you to actually treat women the way you would want men to treat your moms, sisters, and daughters.

We’re done fighting. You either get it or you don’t.

So, today, on behalf of all women, I am taking off the armor and the boxing gloves.

We no longer need to self protect to be strong. We are STRONG.

We are not afraid to feel. We are emotional beings. We can be hurt and it is okay. We don’t require a man to be responsible for our emotions.

We want a man that can handle all of us, emotionally mature men who don’t run away at the sight of our essence.

We have evolved through enormous effort and courage to confront the tumultuous waters of our own emotional landscape and conditioning.

We are not entitled or self-righteous. We are confident and loving. We love ourselves first.

We are not selfish. We have boundaries. We trust our intuition.

And we have no time for emotionally counterfeit men.

The Problem Women Face With Some Men

There is nothing un-sexier to a Consciously Awake woman than a guy who is still being potty trained emotionally. These men are not men. They’re boys.

And to the women who are still toying with these boys, you can make better choices. It’s time to demand these men step up and initiate into manhood.

There is a big difference between a MAN who can harness his boy spirit, and be playful, loving, funny, and obnoxious, and a man who has the emotional intelligence of a teenage boy.

3 Signs A Man Is Still Potty Training Emotionally

1). He’s never explored his emotional landscape or done inner personal work, gone through extensive therapy or personal and emotional coaching.

2). He doesn’t own his shit. He expects others to deal with his emotional issues, triggers, unresolved childhood stuff or dysfunctional family imprinting.

3) He’s insecure and projects his fear and emotional wounds onto you, but tries to spin it like you’re the one with issues.

Emotionally stunted men are an epidemic in our culture. A lot of these emotionally stunted guys have awesome personalities. The real problem is that they’re cool in every way except for how they choose to deal with their emotions.

All women get caught up with these types at one stage or another until they wise up.

Why? Because we aren’t living in a culture where the emotional intelligence of men is predominantly great, and it often takes time for people to see others as they actually are.

A lot of women are so starved for connection that they begin making excuses. They get roped into multi-yearlong love affairs when WARNING SIGNS have been flashing the entire time.

Ladies! Stop falling for a guy’s potential. Too many women want to be with the idea of who a man is. They sacrifice deep emotional intimacy and choose good looks and hot sex, then complain once the relationship fails.

If he has major emotional issues (like the ones I highlighted), you will be babysitting, playing mommy, and living with a headache larger than life.

That is unless he is willing to work his shit out on his own without you nagging him to do so. The desire must come from within, not from you. It’s time we choose men who value growth. We will no longer subscribe to one-sided relationship. These leave us bitter, resentful and unfulfilled.

We’ve been down that road too many times already. We aren’t looking for disappointment. We are looking for someone who stands out. We want men who challenge us to grow.

I didn’t come here to stay the same. Did you?

It’s a choice we must make daily. It’s scary. We must confront it. We can choose fear—or we can choose the life we crave and wish to experience.

We are not asking for perfection, but our standards remain high.

XO, Kelly Marceau

Photo credit:


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This post is so inspiring and its deeply appreciated to hear a real woman speaking! I, as a man, have come a long road so far altough I’m just 24. I fell for so much bullshit which promised me all the good stuff without adressing the inner issues and real work that needs to be done.

And thats the lesson I had to learn through a long period of suffering: there is no quick-fix!

There’s nothing that will magically transform you into an content and attractive men in an instant. This doesn’t mean that there isn’t a way at all. The way is, like written in the article above, doing the required INNER WORK.

Sit down, inquire into your fears, avoidances, attachments and your fantasies. What do I want from women and what are they supposed to give me that I can’t get on my own? Why is that so essential to me?

One place that really is about nothing but this, is the Balls Project. Its the company of other men who are doing the required inner work that helped me the most.

Kelly is right, doing inner work is the only path to real manhood.

Thank you so much for this article!

I’d really like a response from someone, because I’m at a crossroads in my relationship. I consider myself conscious, but still on the path. I’m discovering new things about the world and working on myself daily. I find my self in a constant state of self-reflection, which has been really good for me. I’ve gotten to the root of a lot of my issues, and can see how they’ve played themselves out in my life, and relationships. I was in a horrible verbally and mentally abusive marriage, which ended in a physical altercation when I decided to get out. I immediately jumped into another relationship with a man with nearly identical issues. I didn’t know I was doing this at first, but things began to reveal themselves as time went on. I have to give my current fiance credit. He has done a lot of work in learning how to function in a relationship better, but the problem was that I was still damaged and not really requiring all I really needed from him. He wasn’t the only problem. Now that my consciousness is growing, and I’m fixing myself, a lot of things just don’t fly with me, or mesh. I was co-dependent, and I no longer am. So, a lot of things that were drawing me in are now repelling me away, and it’s causing problems. He’s somewhat open to consciousness but only as much as the law of attraction goes. Anything beyond that and he isn’t interested. I’m finding myself becoming very resentful, and I don’t have enough time to list the number of problems this is causing in our relationship on a day to day basis. Imagine a mama’s boy who’s no longer getting his mama. We are on totally different frequencies, and if I thought he’d ever do the work trust me I’d tough it out, but I don’t know how much I can take. Another issues is I’m a textbook Introvert, and I’ve known this for years, and have come to embrace it. Surprisingly it wasn’t an issue in my previous marriage, but it is very much so in this one. I’ve went to great extents to try to explain to him the seriousness of me needing “me time”, and to be quiet at times, but he refuses to even try to understand. In the past I would accommodate his needs, and put my own to the side, which made me feel chaotic inside. Now I compromise, but I take the time I need, and even though it’s not much he throws adult tantrums, and I can’t deal with it. I could go on and on, but I guess my question is should I just let it go? The biggest issue is that we have two small children, but I feel like I and them would be happier if I left. Our parenting views vary greatly since I’ve awakened, and it’s so frustrating. He values the wrong things when it comes to parenting, and has certain views and behaviors that I feel would be detrimental to them. I’d never keep him away from them, but I feel like this is something I need to do for them as well. He’s more concerned about my son being good at sports, and not being “a punk” when he grows up than whether he’s kind, smart, and a good person. He says I’m going to “make him Gay” which is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. He yells, and lashes out at him for minor misbehaviors, and wants to spank the kids. I have spanked them in the past, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m not even comfortable being myself around him. I put off meditating when he’s home because of criticism, and basically keep all of my views to myself. I take blame in creating the dynamics of our family and relationship along with him, but I’m ready for change, and he clearly is not. What should I do?

I fucking loved this!!!

Great read.

I had a situation this past weekend with a guy who I thought was my friend. I had to tell him about himself and how not to treat a friend and objectifying women was horrible.

I said something to the effect of what if a man said the same thing about his daughter. His response… she’s probably going to deal with a lot of men like me, that’s life.

He just didn’t get it. He’s a pig with emotional retardation. He didn’t get that his daughter’s feelings would be hurt…

And I just left the conversation at that. I didn’t think he was worth the energy to try to explain it to him when I knew he would never get it.

This was great. Keep up the great posts and thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability.

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This piece came to me at the perfect time. You articulated the thoughts and feelings that have been warring inside my head and my heart. I now have clarity and understanding. Thank you. I would LOVE to edit your writing. It would be a blessing. Please contact me. I would love to be of service to you.

It seems Kelly, that what you are asking (projecting) others, ie men to do is not something that you are ready for yourself.

Be love, be conciously awake and allow the love to flow into you from all of the sources.

Projecting your own unconciousness on a gender does little more than maintain a degree of duality and superiority of one over another.

To ask someone to ”man up” is a sexist as assuming that a woman’s role lies soley as a domestic help. The bottom line is that men and women are waking up and not manning up.

This whole debate cannot be summed up better than the concept of yin and yang where two make something greater than one.

In your compassion, remember that men are as much victims as women in terms of war, propaganda and religion. Think of that when you respond to people who have taken the time to comment – your aggression is manifest here too.

Thank you so much for penning your thoughts. I thoroughly enjoyed reading them. No sure how I get your feed but I would love to read more. What a breath of honesty and respect and so well written.

I encourage all men and women to follow this advice above all others from her post… Answer yes to all 3 about the person you decide you want to be with. 1). Do I feel good about myself around this person? 2). Does this person serve my highest good?
3). Does this person treat me with respect and compassion? But be sure your partner can say the same of you.

Good men will make you feel good about yourself, admit when they made a mistake, and make you want to be a better person. But please know, good women will do the same.

I was 19, and my husband was 22 when we first met. We were engaged within 5 months, and married 10.5 months after that. We may have each had emotional baggage and issues when we met, but we as immature humans worked through the baggage together with encouragement and respect. Working through our issues brought us closer together, and I will have been married to my best friend for 14 years this July.

I encourage all of you not to throw away a relationship because he/she is emotionally immature. Try to see yourself for who you are, see your partner as who he or she is, project what you both want to be and have the potential to be, and see if your futures can fit each other.

The biggest problem men have with women is that women too have been breed to fulfill a certain role….. where men have a very long way to go to shed the “male image” we have been brought up with – so do women need to shed the “female image”….. The first step would be to start by eliminating the “sarah jesssica parker” illness…… as long as women makeup/dress and behave as men have designed them to or in order to land their men the problem cannot be solved……

Hi Kelly, loved this article!!!

I’ve started a blog called the YOG Blog which encourages men over 35 to live life to the fullest, but more importantly to be the best version of themselves, including being ‘consciously aware’ as you put it.

There is a category on our blog called ‘What Women Want’ and I’ll be definitely featuring this article and look forward to future posts by yourself informing us YOGs what consciously aware women are looking for in a man.

So keep an eye out for and keep up the good word!

Amazing and spiritually awakening article and every word hit the right spot. This is just what I needed. This article is a need to read to all woman and man in their mid 20’s. . I am excited to continue onto my journey to loving my demons and evolving into a consciously awaken woman. Much love and I hope you will write more amazing pieces.


I’m super surprised that some of the readers don’t get it, this is the most spot on piece I’ve ever read.

Wow that’s amazing, really something else.
I’ve been falling for a girl I now know likes me. I found myself wanting to make myself better from the moment I met her, and before I knew that I had a chance. Really speaks volumes and I appreciate you writing this.

That’s so quirky how you say “shit”, say men need to “man up” and the use of “riggidy wreck yourself”, that just oozes personality, you’re so original!

The amount of contradiction and double standards in this article almost made my brain puke a little.

If you want to earn respect and equality as a woman, writing articles degrading men with emotional issues isn’t going to solve your problem. I would love to see your reaction if a man wrote this exact article about women. I just want to take one little excerpt just to prove a point. However, I urge anyone who is reading this to switch “men” for “women” and see how politically incorrect you think this is. Here’s the excerpt…

“Men will always be a problem, they’re men”

Switch that to “Women will always be a problem, they’re women”.

you’re right about the emotionally immature men…. sure…. but it’s the feminism and neglect in men’s upbringing that has caused a fair part of this…

men have been told to be more emotionally in touch, more sensitive and so forth and men are not these things… men are brutal problem solving sexual beasts… they don’t need to be more sensitive or more in touch with their emotions, they need to be more confident, and more empowered, and more sexed up when they get into an LTR with a woman, which they do precisely because they think that sex is then a given…. not some commodity to be traded if they make her happy….

in relationships men and women are mirrors to each other…. and sure you can waste time on the wrong person who is going no where in life…. but if you have any kind of rapport with a person…. and a good sexual chemistry…. from there it’s simply a question to start digging into what direction to take it in….

when he’s down or moody or angry or insecure about his work (which how men express themselves since they cannot bear children)… the woman in his life has a vital role to play… not has hell raising mommy, or judgmental bitch, but as the sexual vixen to give him her all and make him feel like a god once more…..

it’s your job lady to stand your man back up again….

in a relationship there are not 50,50 equal partners but rather a no#1 and a no#2, a captain and a first mate….. both are as important as each other, but both play a different role… one is active… the other is supportive…. if you don’t want to play a supportive role to a man, then you need to find yourself a bitch man who will support you, or become lesbian… it is that simply, because the creative relationship need polarity…..

you can’t have two protons, you have a proton and an electron…… even the gay crowd understand this and polarize their relationships. even the young kids in primary school understand the difference between being male and female…. it’s about time the adults… figured it out…. it was a lot easier in the ranch when the man rode a horse and carried a side arm, and the woman was pregnant the whole time…. sure….. but the same elements of those dynamics need to exist in modern relationships, or you just have a feminized male flat mate faggot and a bitchy, entitled feminist…..

This Is for u:) Read till the end it’s adorable! I sent an angel to watch over you last night, but it came back and I asked,”why?”…The angel said,”angels don’t watch over angels!” Twenty angels are in your world. Ten of them are sleeping, nine of them are playing and one is reading this message. God has seen you struggling with some things and god says its over. A blessing is coming your way. If… you believe in god send this to 14 friends including me, if I don’t get it back I guess I’m not one of them. As soon as you get 5 replies, someone you love will quietly surprise you… Not joking. Pass this message on. Please don’t ignore it. You are being tested and god is going to fix two big things tonight in your favor. If you believe in god drop everything and pass it on TOMORROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. DON’T BREAK THIS. SEND THIS TO 14 FRIENDS IN 10 MINUTES IT’S NOT THAT HARD. WHOEVER SENT THIS TO YOU MUST CARE ABOUTU

Dear Kelly.
I know what you’re problem is.
Sexy consciously aware males honur Mother.
In your entire article I only saw the word Mother used once. Although truth be told, I only skimmed it a couple of times.
The sexy, consciously aware male (S.C.A.M :)needs an environment where he feel safe and supported to let go his best. It is a big commitment. The consequences to the S.C.A.M are unacceptable if he gets it wrong. potential to hurt someone other than yourself is high.
This is why the S.C.A.M responds to clear compassionate consistent instruction from Mother.
Not S.C.A.F.

Take care.

I agree with the content, but find the overall message to be angry and full of blame. People who hurt people have been hurt by other people. Isn’t it more beneficial to offer compassionate understanding and perhaps some positive help to men that fall short on the personal achievement scale? I hope that kindness and being a good example to men who seem lost are taken in the spirit they are offered. Men that don’t treat PEOPLE very well have very little influence in my life. It really has little to do with men treating women badly. Men like that treat everyone badly. There are women who truly see worth in some damaged men, and it isn’t for me to tell them they are beating their heads against a wall, if they don’t see it. If it’s part of someones journey to spend too much time with a man that is not beneficial, then it is beyond the control of everyone but that woman. We live in a culture that fully endorses the development of character traits that are traditionally masculine. It’s really no wonder there are so many men that seem lost in the shuffle. When social values and expectations change, and people are frightened of change, a problem is created. Some men (maybe most!) will never be able to be vulnerable enough to experience the kind of personal growth that is necessary for the evolution of the spirit. That is not necessarily all their fault. In many ways, men are hard-wired to fail in the arena of sensitivity and personal growth because of the very societal expectations they were raised with and which greatly influenced who they are. I believe a man has to have a sincere desire to do better for himself, and must be supported in this change by someone who has faith in him, and loves him enough to put up with the damage that the world has helped to create. If men have not been taught about what it means to have good character, and haven’t been baptized by their own fire of NOT exhibiting good character, then what incentive is there to change, in a society that, by all outward appearances, rewards their aggressive, selfish and demanding behavior? Thank you for an insightful and interesting read.

Mrs. Birdman, the bottom line is you cannot carve out anger. Anger is real and a lot of women don’t see this. You cannot look at life so one dimensionally. I wrote this article after listening to a slew of women bitch about their frustrations with men. I documented the anger. Are you going to deny the reality in light of compassion? Come on. There are stages. You cannot start at anger and jump that quick. What I find fascinating is your discomfort and rejection of anger. I wonder if you ever feel angry and allow it. Countless women are upset that men don’t value emotional growth. No matter what the reasons are, we live in America and grown men can help themselves. They are not these helpless creatures who don’t know any better. They are not children. They are men. What I highlighted is a reality for a lot of women and to deny that is to deny the truth. I cannot write the entire spectrum of relating in one article. I wrote what I wrote for a reason, and the anger is an aspect not a total picture.

Man and woman are beautiful. The masculine and feminine. Yin and Yang. Moon/cool and Sun/heat.

I think a lot of women build Armour because they betray each other. a lot.of the time. Men don’t change as they’re being . pursued anyhow. What do you think?

Men are the pursuers. That’s the way it has always been. I, like a lot of men, do not like being pursued. Pursue me and I might fuck you but I won’t keep you. Too easy. But go ahead and flip around that little piece of genetic hardwiring if you want. I hope you like what you get for your effort. If you want a real man, let him come to you. Don’t throw yourself at him. It’s just upside down.

You do speak of experiences you’ve had at age 23 &24 . may I ask how old are you?

Hi Kelly, I came across this post on a friend’s facebook wall. When I was 23 I also was Awakened through meeting a Consciously Awake man. Now at 26 I just went to an event that serves to Awaken women to the awareness that you are expressing. If any one (man or woman) is ready to WAKE UP, own their shit and connect with their Divine Feminine (or Masculine) I would highly recommend attending Women’s Weekend (or the Men’s Weekend) offered by the Sterling Institute of Relationships.

Note that this event is not going to pamper you into a gentle awakening process. You are going to be CHALLENGED. But you will have the company and support of an amazing room of Women (or Men) to share in your Awakening experience, plus the wealth of all their experience to learn from.

This is a general offering to readers and commenters on this post. Part of what Kelly is addressing here are the issues we have with feeling vulnerable and ashamed. To “man up” or “woman up” is to stand and speak our truth in the very midst of experiencing the discomfort of feeling vulnerable. TED Speaker Brene Brown has two talks wherein she discuses both shame and vulnerability based on a considerable amount of research as well as her own personal journey. She also proposes an interesting distinction between how men feel most vulnerable compared to women. Definitely worth the half hour or so to watch both talks.

In addition, as the issue of “self-awareness” and “awakeness” sometimes meanders into the “metaphysical camp”, I would like to again mention two other subjects that people might want to explore further, what Ken Wilbur refers to as the “Pre-Trans Fallacy” and what Robert Masters refers to as “Spiritual Bypassing”. In general they take a closer look at when “self-awareness” or “awakeness” really is just another mask someone has donned without doing the often very, very difficult work of what Kelly refers to in her blog of “dealing with your shit”. On the one hand, it really is not that difficult to “talk the talk”, while on the other hand, it is not always easy at first to tell the difference between someone who is Actually Self-Aware and someone who is just “talking the talk,” someone who only Thinks they are self-aware, acting with integrity, etc., etc.

Finally, I would offer, our “intuitions” and “first impressions” can be wrong! In fact, I’m beginning to question whether we can ever really trust them. Between biochemical and neurological “patterns-patterning” that cause us to focus in on certain things and ignore others along with our propensity to “project” from our often unconscious hopes and fears, “intuitions” and “first impressions” almost invariably say more about Us then they do about the other person. In this regard they can be a great learning tool for becoming more self-aware, however, if the goal is to actually “see” another person for who they are and to “understand” them, then the only data that confirms your impressions is to hear the other person say “I feel understood”. That’s it! Up to that point all of your intuitions, all of your assumptions and presumptions about what you might think you “know” or “understand” about the other person don’t mean squat, unless, again, you use those intuitions, assumptions, and projections as reference points for expanding your own growth in self-awareness and self-understanding.

That being said, the exchange of comments on this blog post could be seen as a case study of sorts because nobody here Really Knows Anyone else. And I will offer that it is only after fairly long periods of time interacting with someone in a lot of different circumstances, and without the confusion and biochemical masking of issues through physical intimacy, that you might at least have a chance of really getting to see that person for who they are and to be seen by them for who you are. If under those circumstances both individuals reach the place of actually Feeling Seen and Feeling Understood by the other, then you’ve got something. Up to that point though, again, your intuitions, assumptions, and projections are a hindrance not a help to the relating This is a general offering to readers and commenters on this post. Part of what Kelly is addressing here are the issues we have with feeling vulnerable and ashamed. To “man up” or “woman up” is to stand and speak our truth in the very midst of experiencing the discomfort of feeling vulnerable. TED Speaker Brene Brown has two talks wherein she discuses both shame and vulnerability based on a considerable amount of research as well as her own personal journey. She also proposes an interesting distinction between how men feel most vulnerable compared to women. Definitely worth the half hour or so to watch both talks.

In addition, as the issue of “self-awareness” and “awakeness” sometimes meanders into the “metaphysical camp”, I would like to again mention two other subjects that people might want to explore further, what Ken Wilbur refers to as the “Pre-Trans Fallacy” and what Robert Masters refers to as “Spiritual Bypassing”. In general they take a closer look at when “self-awareness” or “awakeness” really is just another mask someone has donned without doing the often very, very difficult work of what Kelly refers to in her blog of “dealing with your shit”. On the one hand, it really is not that difficult to “talk the talk”, while on the other hand, it is not always easy at first to tell the difference between someone who is Actually Self-Aware and someone who is just “talking the talk,” someone who only Thinks they are self-aware, acting with integrity, etc., etc.

Finally, I would like to point out that our intuitions and first impressions of others are often Wrong! I know there is a lot of communication to the contrary in the world today, but I’m at a point in my own life where I have really begun to see the limits of any “knowledge” of another person that is not based on fairly in-depth Relating With that other person, in varying circumstances, and over extended periods of time. I have come to appreciate that our “first impressions” can be heavily influenced by neurological and biochemical “patterns-patterning” that cause us to focus in on certain qualities while ignoring others. Furthermore, our often unconscious hopes and fears provide fertile soil from which we “project” onto others, again leaving us mostly oblivious to the realities of who they actually are. Should we choose to become physically intimate with someone early in a relationship, then that adds a whole other level of biochemical “masking” and confusion of “feelings”. However, in the absence of any “face to face” contact at all, we are even Less Capable of actually seeing people for who they are, and this is the way it is with almost all of our current interactions via the internet.

And that makes the exchanges here an almost perfect case study and an opportunity for the “growth in self-awareness” we’re really all wanting from each other. In the absence of any Real Knowledge of another human being, what you assume and what you project say more about You than they do about the other person. How you chose to incorporate such “self-reflective knowledge” into your own “self-awareness” and “self-understanding” is up to you. However, if your goal is to Actually “See” and “Understand” the Other Person, then the only way you can give yourself credit for accomplishing those goals is when the other person says to you “I feel ‘seen’ by you,” and “I feel understood.” If You Do Not Get That Feedback, then all of your assumptions, all of your projections don’t mean squat, unless, again, you are willing to use that information to develop more of your own self-awareness and understanding.

For anyone here who is interested, I have begun exploring more of “The Limits of Intuition”, among other things, on my blog here:

My apologies for duplication of some of content of the above post. I was having some major issues posting this, switched to my “notes” app on my iPad and didn’t realize where there was an overlap in the cutting and pasting. Ended up having to write part of it three times! So again, my apologies, once I posted it here, I could not delete or correct it. I hope the ideas I’m trying to communicate still come through.

Lucky me! 🙂
I’ve been married with a conscious, lovely, loving wonderful man for 10 years this summer. And we’ve got two stunning little girls. The good thing about being two consciously awake adults in a family is getting kids who are consciously awake too. My girls are fab! And the kindergarten and school keep telling us how well balanced our kids are.
I do recommend that kind of union and family. It’s very much worth it! :-))

-Wow. What a verbal war. This makes me sad. 🙁 Lets all try observing our own reactions to each other before we write things we will regret. Breath: Inhale…. Exhale…..Inhale…..Exhale….. I think the important thing is to respect each other, love each other and dont use words that offend either gender. I respect and empathize with everyone here. Our words are powerful weapons in the universe and collective consciousness. Whatever we verbalize and project out into the universe is coming right back to us. Spread Love not hate. 🙂

This is the one of the most wonderful things I have ever seen. THANK YOU for writing this… and even INCUBUS??!?! I think I’m having my first lady crush!

I think this is the best expression I’ve ever heard of what women are looking for. Strong.

What you call ‘consciously awake’ I will refer to as enlightened, and highly enlightened humans, both men and women, are few and far between. Everyone has their demons, but what this sort of inter-personal romantic enlightenment refers to is an ability to muzzle one’s (completely logical) insecurities and let his or her relationship be all it can be without stifling it in fear of what is to come. Because, truly, and unfortunately the fact is that one is more than likely to be hurt, cheated on, dumped at some point despite his or her greatest efforts and investments. But love cannot flourish in fear’s waiting room. Accepting life’s finite nature is one of the greatest struggles man can endure, but at its end is a fantastic freedom: inner peace.

Loved this!!! As a Continuously Consciously Awaking female I really connected to your article. I am sending this on to some friends who I know will enjoy reading this as well! Cheers to you!

Love this!! Thank you for sharing this awesome article it was like i was reading about all my life trails with myself and men.

You believe that girls seek attention and women seek respect. You seem to be playing the role of a girl by writing this article. In my life Ive listened to hundreds of whiny girls like you that think they know the answers to all of loves problems. The real difference between girls and women is that after a girl “evolves” into womanhood, she chooses to no longer whine and write lousy articles such as the one I just wasted my own time reading.

This is a very healthy read. I’m a lutheram minister, a divorced mom for eleven year, single and almost 39. People (men) call me “strong”, “too strong” but now…Finally I can relate!!! Thank you so much. May God keeps using you. God bless 😉

thank you for writing this, to be honest I don’t look for any kind of relationship with a man anymore as it is hard to find one that I can even have a decent intelligent conversation with

So basically what you’re saying is that women’s problems all has to do with a man’s growth.where is the responsibility also on the woman’s side.I do see where you are coming from however instead of pointing the finger at men there are a lot of emotionally stunt women out there as well. it can also be said that men be come egotistical because they are tired of dealing with the same crap from a woman as well. as you stating equal right swomen also need to wake up and take accountability as well in their life. I believe both sexes just become bitter with each other.

Great way to see how we truly see ourselves I try to do the same it just gets real hard to deal with people sometimes but I loved Ur piece n will look for more in the future to relate to thank u…Matt Riddle

Pretty good stuff. Would like it if we, as women, could have more dialog around the use of “man up”. Check out the huff post article on what we are doing wrong to our boys in this country. Made me think twice…because I’m guilty of saying that myself.

What a cunt, how is hating on anybody who isn’t like her going to help anybody. I can handle my shit, I’m a man and this bitch turns me off

Loved the article really relate and it is so true women want respect not attention. Consciousness is so important for us all.Well done!!! I do feel uncomfortable when such a great article has the F word so often,I’m sad as women we choose to use such a degrading adjective. Is there another word we can find that celebrates our strong feminity???? Come on Girls let’s use language that is from our hearts, we don’t need to copy what men say!!!!

I say FUCK that! 🙂 What is more from the heart than a nice, good old fashioned “F Bomb.” Maybe you should just stick to Will Smith music and the Christian channel. 🙂

I think that you are mistaken when you try to push off your personal experience as being universal. Plenty of people are emotionally whole and mature without going through therapy. You use a boatload of adjectives, basically words without any specific or universal meaning to describe your state of mind, and nothing of any substance. It also comes across as the type of “epiphany” a young 20-something comes up. The best advice for you would seem to be stop thinking in adjectives(useless, useless words) and get over yourself just a wee bit.

Wow this was an Eye opener im a guy and was stuck in a miserable loop but after reading this, the loop is broken thanks Kelly 🙂

You did an absolutely amazing job in expressing your thoughts on this extremely important topic. But equally a man is looking for the same aware consciously awaken women, especially if we are one a path of growth and self awareness for the ultimate destination at least for me is Love , for that is who we are. Personality, subconscious programming, stereo typical bullshit keeps us from enjoying what we all need most and that is LOVE!

A man wants a conscious awakened woman just as a consciously aware woman wants that in a man . I have for year been attracted to woman on the spiritual path thinking that they would be more evolved and aware, and yes in some ways they are, yet we, both men and woman need to understand our humanness , our behaviors, and the way our egos work in order to transcend all that that keep us from seeing ourselves and others. Yes it goes deep as you speak of, but in order to get to the place of being emotionally naked, vulnerable and truly living from the heart we will never be able to truly see another and ourselves and this is accomplished by continually growing in our self awareness and loving guiding others to find the beauty within. WE, both men and women deep down inside want to same thing and it will only be by becoming consciously aware . WE must find this together!

Thanks for sharing your powerful message.

In appreciate for you speaking from the heart



Thank you for speaking the fucking truth. Relationships seem to be lacking that nowadays and it is extremely refreshing to see that great women think alike. Being self aware is simply a step in the right direction towards personal growth and I too believe that relationships should reflect and allow that.

I’m finding that being passionate, driven and emotional are bringin about all kindsa insecurities in the men I date – which ultimately if the could just read this article…(if they can read, period :P) they’d get so much insight on an undeniably growing movement.

Thanks again for being so open + sharing this. You’ll truly made my day!

I want to meet whoever wrote this and thank them. Put everything that has happened in the last year with my love life in retrospective and what was missing. Thank you!

“There are way too many men in this world to SETTLE for bullshit. And if he’s hot, honey there will be another. There are always others.”

There are always others but not always the kind women truly desire. And if they are quality men, well, they have options. So women with baggage have to compete against women without baggage for those quality men. And if the man doesn’t have baggage himself, he more than likely chooses a woman without baggage.

Single parents can and do date each other, but then blended families are a whole new issue they have to deal with. Men without kids generally do not want to marry and step-father the children of a single mom but are ok with having a short term relationship them. If that’s what you meant by “there will always be another” then sure. There’s always some dude out there willing to have sex with almost any woman, baggage or not.

But come on, to be honest a consciously awake, quality man without baggage and without kids is not *always* out there waiting for a single mom to enter his life.

So us single parents have to “adult up” and face reality for what it is.

This part brought me to tears. “You don’t know what courage looks like until you are sinking in piles of your own shit and you have to figure a way out before it suffocates you.”….So true!

I found this inspirational but equivilant to a tarot card reading which I do regard , consiousnes evolves, progress is a slow process, and what people require in there lives will never be complele their is not route best taken I believe arranged marriges are best though devotion and dedication should be larger then preferance and or advantage I once met a girl how boyfriend fell down the stairs and broke his back drunk one night she tended to his paralyzed body and struggled hard as they were still very young but I feel her life holds a deeper meaning sometimes being self aware means looking away for true love

I disagree. But like the rest of us, Osho is certainly entitled to his own personal opinions.

” I believe arranged marriges are best ”

They definitely have their advantages, and some disadvantages too, like everything in life. The key is to give it your all and make it the best it can be.

I saw this post on a friends facebook timeline. I thought about ignoring it but have decided against my better judgement to leave a comment. I wish you well in your life i really do and hope you find the peace, your looking for. Personally i found this blog dis-empowering and saddening. I feel sad for you. I do not disagree with your content, what your saying is correct, but the vocabulary you’ve chosen to use is so black and white, so angry that it saddens me for you. Not only is it disparaging to us women, putting everything into black and white terms ie the emotionally healthy and the effed up leaving no room for emotionally and psychologically healthy diversity, but your bastardization of the term masculinity defines all men as harsh and hardened and by association cold and uncaring. This is simply not true and any such aggression in my opinion comes from a place if insecurity and it makes me sad to think some women feel the need to bastardize men or masculinity, in an effort to empower themselves. This is not vulnerability this is rage disguised as transparency. To be vulnerable is to be open to hurt, but your so busy attacking the ideologies you disagree with, that you can not possibly get hurt. To be vulnerable you must let people in, your not letting people in, your closing them out, by defining everyone into neat little boxes. You empower yourself by making you judge over everyone and thus close yourself off. All i read in this blog is judgement and labels. This blog does not sound to me, to be coming from a secure and happy place. It sounds angry and resentful ready to blame and ready to fight. I empathize with your position but i hear the pain in your words and hope that one day you can find peace within yourself to let it all go.

Great post Kelly! I think both sexes need to step it up on their self-awareness! And this article does a great job addressing the issue!

One thing that I want to point out though, you said you were woken up by a guy at the beginning of the article and then went on to thank three guys at the end that have helped you on this journey. I think that is great and shows how conscious people can help wake up the rest.

But I wondered, why then do you recommend that women bail on the men that have emotional problems? This implies it is men’s job to wake up women and that women should avoid all men accept the conscious ones. I understand that time is precious and that some people are so far gone that they suck time away from us, but what if the first guy you mentioned did this to you? Wrote you off and bailed?

I think an extension to this piece you wrote could focus on how women and men can identify the qualities of others that are open to waking up and then can aid each other on that path instead of bailing out. If a man is not a match romantically he could still be a conscious girls friend. Or if that’s not possible, a conscious woman could still call out a man’s low emotional intelligence and point him in the direction of where he could go before bailing out. This applies for men to women as well. It doesn’t take much time and could have a much larger impact on how many conscious people we have in our community.

Great recommendations Colin! Glad to see the article raising questions like this. I would love to see Kelly expand on these ideas as well … if she expanded on all of the ideas from commenters I could see her writing a whole book instead of a blog post. It’s definitely a topic that warrants some good literature!

The harsh reality for us aging single parents is that it becomes more difficult to find a quality mate with each passing year. Conscious awareness needs to be taught from an early age so that we don’t end up divorced or worse – a baby mama/baby daddy. Its very rare you will find a consciously aware, quality man or quality woman who wants to take on a single parent with baggage. I mean, if they are so consciously aware and high quality than they have options – lots of ’em, and we single parents have to compete with that. Its a jungle out here!

Harsh words but deep down in our gut we know its true.

I really enjoyed a lot of the messages of this article and at the same time something felt really off to me so I am going to share my opinion, which is by no means fact. I really appreciate your vulnerability and your courage to start an incredibly difficult conversation. As a friend reminded me, sometimes we can get so caught up in trying to sugar-coat or be mindful of our words to avoid hurting or offending people and we never get our message out — so kudos for getting the message out! From my perspective which is just one perspective in a vast sea of readers, it felt like your piece lacked compassion for people who are “unconscious”; it felt like it created a little bit of duality between awake versus not awake when really I think it would be helpful to remind everyone that they have the power to wake up — event the most “fucked up women” and “emotionally stunted men”.

Men and women absolutely need to hear the messages you are bravely conveying, especially those about self-love and I LOVED your three questions: do I feel good about myself around this person, does this person serve my highest good, does this person treat me with respect and compassion? (Brilliant summary of things that everyone could benefit from asking themselves in any relationship be it platonic or romantic). However, lately I’m seeing a lot of dichotomy and attacking between the different energies (masculine and feminine) instead of a beautiful embracing of both of them. I feel we’ve all suffered from the mistreatment of the feminine and the glorifying of a distorted definition of masculine and that we can benefit from rising together in union.

I really loved this video this year because it reminded me that men have suffered just as much as women from the rejection of the feminine and a hyper-masculinized society:

When it comes down to it, should we be calling out men who need to be emotionally potty trained or should we call out our culture that needs a serious paradigm shift? You are a skilled, observant, and raw writer and I’d love to see you write a piece on culture! I think you could deliver a masterpiece that inspires everyone to unite and change things. This piece obviously had a huge impact reflecting the timeliness and importance of conversations like this … keep going.

What a bunch of Crap. How much time will anyone spend to read this post? Everyone has their own reality. Glad this one’s yours. I don’t need to to connect with your thinking to know that I’m fine, just the way I am, Thank you!!………But Still, I’m sure, there are those that will appreciate your wisdom….I’m not one of them….

“Emotionally stunted MEN are an epidemic in our culture.”

As are emotionally stunted (and narcissistic) women.

Both of us need to grow up and eat some humble pie. I suggest that we might not be as “consciously awake” as we think we are.

But the earlier we can work on that, like by starting in our teens or even younger, than maybe we can get conscious and awake enough before our primary fertile years start to decline and we can find an equally awake partner to share life with a serious, life long and committed relationship that stays in tact. That way we won’t have to enter the dating scene as aging single parents with baggage. Those of us who have been through that know that its harder for single parents to land quality mates, if we even land mates at all.

A little less promiscuity and lot more meditation is the prescription for future generations so they don’t make the same mistakes we did.

Great article to read!


Just like men don’t specifically desire sex, they desire feminine energy, women don’t specifically desire Bad Boys, they desire masculine energy.

For women, masculine energy appears to be available to them in “instant format” with Bad Boys who show up with the pretense of masculine energy. It’s not authentic masculine energy, it’s a Bad Boy’s best representation of what they think a real man looks like.

They’re almost instantly recognizable because they tend to choose visible outfits real men wear: Men in uniform, power suits, bike leather, drive lifted trucks, dropped sports cars and luxury automobiles.

The bigger the costume, the more fragile the ego (not necessarily correlated to show size as the popular myth goes).

Nice Guys are more evolved, they’re not pretending to be real men – they openly admit they’re not quite sure yet who they are and what their purpose is, but because they’re not even pretending to have confidence about their purpose they lack even the fiction of masculine energy that Bad Boys appear to have.

Nice Guys also have a uniform. This uniform is not to attract women, but to indicate to Bad Boys that the Nice Guy is not a competitor for status or women. It’s their “survival suit” designed to keep them from being noticed and out of fights.

Women instantly recognize the “survival suit” of the Nice Guy and know that he will wilt in conflict with Bad Boys. It also tells her that he will ask permission rather than take command in the bedroom. This leaves her feeling vulnerable and maybe even a little nauseous if he tries to make a move.

Nice Guys are confused by women who reject them and frustrated (enraged?) by women who come to them for soothing when they’ve been hurt only to run back into the arms of their Bad Boy when he pleads for another chance.

Women who attempt to save Bad Boys do so because their intuition tells them how powerful this man has the potential to be – if he’d just step into his purpose. Her mistake is believing that SHE can inspire that choice. THAT is her ongoing attraction to the Bad Boy, she sees her purpose served in saving this man from destroying himself – that can be heady stuff to a woman who is afraid to work on her own life.

The reason women reject the Nice Guy is because he openly demonstrates and talks about his fear of stepping into purpose. Where the Bad Boy constantly shows the potential he has to offer the Nice Guy continually talks about his insecurities.

Nice Guys aren’t interested in fighting for the attention of a woman. They claim neither their purpose or their woman. Instead they try to win her outside of competition. This is why they feel like an over eager and somewhat insecure puppy, both in their courtship and in the bedroom.

A Nice Guy will do just about anything to convince a woman of his affection for her, but virtually nothing to fight for her – not against other men, or life’s obstacles. Ironically, this makes Nice Guys more dangerous to a woman than Bad Boys.

Bad Boys are fairly predictable, but Nice Guys get upset in completely unpredictable fashion. Worse, no one knows when life circumstances will get tough and a woman partnered with a Nice Guy is almost guaranteed to have to become the leader and decision maker when they do.

The Bad Boy continually shows signs of WANTING to be magnificent, the Nice Guy continually demonstrates his fear of claiming it.

Women intuitively know they have the ability to inspire a man to claim his purpose. Ironically, it’s the Nice Guy with who this exists. All she has to do is… *nothing* – don’t marry him, don’t date him, don’t hang out with him and PLEASE don’t run to him when another guy hurts you.

It takes a significant life event to push the Nice Guy through to purpose. Mine was breaking my back and then my woman leaving me because I failed to claim my purpose.


Women who choose and remain with Bad Boys don’t believe they can attract one of the few real men. They’re likely right – at least not without a lot of personal growth. Because these women fear being alone they remain with the pretense of masculine energy rather than claiming the power of their feminine energy.

Many women are susceptible to the games and charms the Bad Boy has perfected over his decades of hunting women. Nice Guys get upset when they see women falling for his tricks and practically scream, “Can’t you see who he REALLY is?!?!”

But the woman looks at this Bad Boy through the filter of women’s intuition and what she sees is the potential of the man he COULD be and thinks that she DOES see him. She gives the Bad Boy chance after chance until it is too painful to continue anymore, sometimes tragically.

The Evolved woman sees through the games and the charms of the Bad Boy. She’s not fooled. She sees his potential as well, but she’s no longer a player in “the game”. She has no time for the Bad Boy and no sexual attraction to the Nice Guy. Only a real man will satisfy her – she’s single because she’s prepared to wait for the right man.

Graham R White

This is by far the best thing I have read in a long time. You have said everything i have been trying to say to strangers, my friends, family and myself.

The other day I was wishing that I would find another ‘me’, a person who thinks like me and says things as they are. Not only on this subject but many more. I think my wish came true, and fast!! Hahaha. You are another me. Take it as a compliment 🙂

Kelly, you took so many thoughts out of my head and feelings out of my heart. I applaud your “ovarios” and the strength in your vulnerability, your willingness to fearlessly embody “Destroyer Kali”. I have so often felt her rising in me as well, and especially recently. I have felt near madness for not knowing how to let her speak for fear of “re-traumatizing” men who I know have already been traumatized, and so often by their mothers, either through outright abuse or neglect. I fear I will only appear to them as another “scary mother” – and not as a “Liberator”. I think that is in part because on the whole, our “western” culture especially does not honor or respect let alone embrace that often Terrifying but Ultimately Liberating Expression of the Wise Wild Feminine (as Clarissa Pinkola Estes refers to it in “Women Who Run With The Wolves”). Men want sensuous, seductive, and Pliable Shakti, or the Compassionate Mother, but Destroyer Kali sends them running for the hills. At the same time, I feel it is men who have to help each other stand and face and even learn to embrace the “Kali as Destroyer (and Liberator)” forces in their lives whatever form they take, but especially when they take the form of a Sexy-Consciously Awake Female Human Being. Again, I applaud your courage, and I Thank You from the bottom of my heart for Standing and Speaking for All of Us Women who feel and have felt as you have described here and have wanted to find our own voice to communicate as you have.

Jesus, this is all far too complicated than it should be. One thing that pissed me off about this article was that at one point it basically says don’t go for a guy based on his potential…. OK… why not? whats wrong with seeing the potential in someone? isn’t that what most of this article is dictating to men? to recognize the potential in us women and acknowledge it? hmmm, a bit hypocritical.
Anyway live together, grow together, and progress together. Thats part of the fun. Don’t try to delude men and women.

No Suzy, you mistake me. A lot of women fall for what they think a man can be, but you are not falling for the person as they really are if you are falling for potential. That potential may or may not ever come to fruition. All I meant is you should fall for someone because of who they actually are. It is sound. I asked men to emotionally grow themselves. To value it. I also called into light what the core things a lot of women struggle with when it comes to men. Good day.

This is one of the most American things I have ever read. So many first world problems in one article. Jesus. All this talk of owning your own poo. What a load of crap.

No pun intended.

Great article and the points apply to both men and women. I think a woman who truly love herself is rare and far between. Likewise, most men don’t even realise they are still boys. Sometimes, the best way to be true to your self, and to life, is to be alone. If you enjoy your own company, genuinely, you really don’t need to compromise just to be in partnership with another. There is no reason to be anything other than true to one’s self. It is unfair to both you and the other, to lower your standards, unless both are in pursuit of greatness and helping each other. My hope for my daughter is that she grows up knowing that she is totally fine the way she is.

If this insufferable maniacal train wreck is the definition of an emotionally balanced woman, I’ll take an insecure and emotionally constipated female any day of the week and twice on Sunday. This crazy bitch sounds like Tyra Banks, 2 hours after a break up, 3 days into her 3rd cycle of steroids, and half way through menopause. “Check yourself before your riggedy wreck yourself?” Pull your god damn tampon out before you die of blood poisoning!

Apparently, a lifetime’s worth of choosing shitty boyfriends because she was too stupid and or insecure to find a relationship that wasn’t blatantly self destructive, qualifies her to be the fucking Neo of emotional psychology, and the god damn Einstein of relationship science.

For Christ’s Sake, her definition of an emotionally mature man is a man who’s been through therapy. That’s like saying your definition of a non addict is someone who’s been through the twelve steps. Or your definition of a healthy person is someone who recently lost 450 pounds.

I especially love how she blames men for being in the potty training phase of emotional development and being at fault for sabotaging relationships with otherwise emotionally superior women. That’ right honey, project all your emotional problems on idiots YOU’VE chosen to date, and then kept dating. Is that what they taught you around the camp fire at your domestic violence women’s retreats?

For fuck sake, if you’re going to blast a sermon all over the internet about owning your own emotional problems, than fucking own them. Yes there are emotionally retarded men, yes there are emotionally retarded women, yes they gravitate to one another, but one doesn’t cause the other.

All that’s happened, is you’ve now found a guy that treats you well for maybe the first time in your life. Congratu-fuckin-lations, you’re 1 in 30. That doesn’t make you a consciously awake, and emotionally developed alpha female. It makes you lucky. Act like it.

Take some ownership, Scott. All I did was ask men potty training emotionally to value emotional growth. If you missed that, you are probably one of those men.

Hi Kelly!
Putting your opinion out there, as you know, will cause alot of backlash. People are gonna pick you and your article apart. Why? Because ur telling people what they may not want to hear. That their problems are their own fault. Most people can’t handle that. You will have the “eblightened” crowd voicing their opinion, i.e. there is no distinction between man and woman and other mindful comments. Yes they are somewhat right. But if they were as zen as they think then they wouldnt be wasting their moments commenting and devaluing blog articles. This article and you are exactly where your suppose to be and those who need it or not will use it or not and the universe will spin on exactly as it should. Then there are those who simply want to find fault in what you are saying or how you said it or you over all thesis. I don’t get how they don’t understand what your saying and making mountains out of anthills. Myself and many others are sseing the very simplicity of what you are trying to convey. You are only pointing out that we all have trunks of funk. Some of us throw it all in there and the trunk doesn’t close, some of us can’t even get any of the funk in there and the funk is a heap on the floor. What I understand is that your asking both men and women, to take a good look at their funk, to neatly fold their funk, gently pack it into the trunk and carry around our funk in a responsible and healthy manner so that it doesn’t spill all over our lives and relationships. That is not asking much. It’s just emotional responsibility. I am sorry some don’t seem to get it. It doesn’t make me aware or awake, it just shows I have good reading comprehension skills.

Ownership of what? What the hell are you talking about? You can’t just randomly insert a catchphrase into a sentence, and expect it to carry any weight, let alone any relevance. I think you need to lay off The View, you’re picking up bad habits.

And don’t give me that “all I did was” baloney, if you’re half as intelligent as you pretend to be, then you know damn well what the underlying current of this article is, and seasoning it with occasional phrases like “it goes both ways” or “it’s the same for women” doesn’t cover your ass from having spent the vast majority of the article depicting “9 out of 10 men” as emotionally underdeveloped infants, and women merely as victims who just make poor choices (those poor choices being men).

And yes, I must have missed the part where you politely requested that men value emotional growth. I must have been distracted by your WARNING SIGNS of men, your claim that 90% of men are emotionally disturbed, or your assertion that any man with emotional issues is an EPIC WASTE OF TIME who requires babysitting. You’re right, I missed the part where you delicately suggested that some men may want to evaluate their emotional well being.

I think your article is great and touches on some amazing points. At one point it felt like I was reading about a reflection of myself. The only thing I would add is that as a self aware woman I also know that men don’t have it easy either. Their emotional baggage comes since childhood and always reminding our boys as they grow up that they need to man up, they need to grow some balls, not be a pussy and so on, we in the end started this emotional dysfunction. More often than not boys are raised with the idea that they can not show emotion. They are bullied and picked on if they open up or “lose they’re masculinity”. We always remind guys that they have to be tough and strong and dont sound like a bitch so now we have to deal with men who are introverts, inhibited, dont know how to express themselves or who think being open and emotional or dealing with your inner struggles is a sign of weakness.
In the end it comes down to communication and willingness to want to start the journey of self awareness. A lot of men need to grow emotionally but a lot of women too. If we would all be real with ourselves, look deep down inside and realize how often we are not being ourselves with some luck we may end up having better human interactions. We live in a fast paced, technologically developed society but we are still dealing with rape, abuse(of any kind), sex is still a tabu subject, we hide who we truly are and most of all we let fear to dominate, consume and rule us. I sure hope one day more women appreciate themselves more, realize who they are and most of all realize they have the power to say no or yes or just simply to walk away. I also hope one day more men realize that they can’t expect to find a great woman or have amazing women come into their lives if they don’t start treating them like wise, drop the double standard and be genuine and respectful. As a man you can turn someone down without being a di*** and most of all if you want something just go for it but do it with manners. Take charge and if its worth it trust me, its worth the effort.
Again awesome article. Good luck with everything, stay strong, keep on growing and enjoy yourself doing it.

Thank you for this, I asked God for the purpose of my current feeling, I asked to let go and did a releasing exercise and up pops this perfect answer to my question. I like to play it seems I was getting a little confused…choosing my meanings and filling in gaps…being the pursuer instead of the pursued…minor adjustment needed…all is well. Big thanx

Debatable. The male and female essence are quite real. I do agree with you that this article is extremely heavily weighted on the feminist side, and does not resonate as enlightened. I just don’t think you can discount something as real as polar forces, as they are, in fact, what balance our world.

You would be surprised of how many women would prefer a role of a lover, a partner, a confidant, a friend over a role of a wife. I know I am one of them and totally agree with Kelly.

There’s a book out there I wish more people would read called “About Men and Women: How Your Masculine and Feminine Archetypes Shape Your Destiny” by Tad and Noreen Guzie. The distinction between “lover and friend” vs. “wife and mother” is the difference between archetypal “Companion” women and archetypal “Mothers”, among many other very interesting distinctions. I guess one of the important communications I got from reading it was that although there are many biases in our culture favoring certain archetypes over others, they are ALL important and valid expressions of Masculine and Feminine energy. It really helped put me at ease with my own more “Companioning” nature as a woman.

It’s hard to soften in the face of being told that I am the problem. I read something cool on Facebook yesterday, one of those memes or whatever you call them. It says this:

When a gesture of respect is mandatory then it becomes an act of submission.

I think that is a pretty powerful statement. Respect is what women want yet they don’t feel any obligation to earn it. When it comes to men though we have to constantly throw our coats in puddles, open doors, listen listen listen, learn how to emote, be strong, be soft, do this do that, bend over backwards and read articleds that tell us to man up. I know me better than you ever will. I also know that the law of attraction states that what you want to have show up in your world will show up when you be that thing yourself. If women want our compassion, show us some. You can start by checking yourself when you read and write artiucles like this. Ask youself this question:

If this arti cle were written by a man about women would it make me angry? Would I be calledd to action as a result of reading it if it were written by a man and he was saying most women were potty training emotionally. It is a rare person who responds positively to being spoken down to. So stop.

We are the human race. We need each other. Somethings we do together do not work. We cannot change each other. We can only change ourselves. Show me how to change myself by confessing how you were before, the damage you did and what you did to change yourself. Tell us how these changes have resulted in happiness for you. I could read an article like that and feel that I want to do something differently in my real life next time I am in the same situation. But after reading this I just want to say fuck you. So nothing gets solved. I go back to my life being the same or worse.

Now notice how I have complained about the article without mwriting the author off as a failed human being. Notice how I have not lumped all women into one basket. In fact I am commenting only on the style of conversation we are having.

I hate to see men capitulate. I never thought it would be fair that all black people should take white slaves. I never thought it would be fair that gay people go straight bashing. And I’d be just as outraged if I discovered that there were concentration camps in Isreael. The ritual humiliation of men must stop if we are serious about creating peace between the genders. Be careful with your words and how you put them out there. Own your own shit. Make your point without abuse. Practice that within your relationships and beyond and I think we’ll see a better return sooner than with all the back biting.

Now, to be fair, I read that the article was rewritten since I read it. It’s lengthy and I am busy but I’ll try to go back and read it in its entirety before commenting again. I just saw this mention in Jaclyn’s comment about a man reading this and responding with compassion and found that in itself comment worthy in that it is hard to feel compassionate when someone is brow beating you.

I still have balls you know…


Bravo 6ix! Your comment is centered, thoughtful and lacks the antagonistic slant that prevents more in depth dialogue on solving issues we all face, together.

The best way to help ANYONE is through sharing experience, strength and hope. Rarely does opinion or rhetoric have a chance of changing the world for the better.

Inner Voice is a program for life that helps me to stay in today. Anyone can become awake, it takes a courageous soul to crawl, walk and then run toward their purpose with passion.

Happy New Year!

some people don’t respond to being talked down too either. Here you go touting that what the writer shouldn’t do then you speak down to her if you are the conversationalist genius you claim to be you might want to back off your preaching just a bit

Hey Jim,

Thanks for your input. I don’t think anyone responds well to being spoken down to. Glad we can agree on that. Hopefully that was not the only thing you gleaned from my comments. I can recall having said a lot more than that. Then again the reading comprehension part is your department. as for the part where I appear to be talking down to the author I guess the only thing I can say in response is:

Like begets like.

Meaning I am responding to an article in the same manner in which it was written. In fact I’d say I am tame compared to her. I’m not Jesus so don’t expect perfection from me. You can, however, expect an honest attempt to provoke thought while minimizing inflamatory remarks as I find those counter productive to such an important discussion. Now, you and I can go to war in this space if you want. I fail to see any benefit in doing that. so depending on what you say to me next I might answer you or I might not. I’m not here to fight or even to be right. I have a point of view. Some people share it. Others don’t. The fact is the internet has provided us with a powerful forum for exchanging ideas and discussing issues of cultural relevance. This is an age where each of us can make a difference. That is why I find this thread interesting and that is why I comment. If you want to do that, well, glad to know you. If not well too bad so sad and don’t let the door hit you on your way out.

Later dude.

WOW. You don’t hold back at all. This article resonated so much with me. THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts! Yeah, it’s frustrating when most single men are not emotionally evolved enough to connect with and many women are too insecure to mirror…. but it’s great to see a pioneer as yourself. Much love.

You are so expansive in the way you are thinking. You are shedding some light on the what many women don’t have the courage to say… how hard it is to connect in these times… BUT JUST THINK, these times are better than they were centuries ago for us women (Maybe not as good as they were in the very beginning, in the times of the matriarchy)… but both sexes will see eye to eye soon enough. It starts when a man reads this and responds with compassion for the struggle you talk about when trying to connect to men who couldn’t reciprocate. <3 Jaclyn ~~~~

This is not how all women evolve. Some women evolve into appreciation of another rather than it being all about her and what he can do for her and whether he can live up to her. For years, it was all about if the woman could live up to the man’s (impossible) expectations. How is reversing that and putting that same thing on men any more enlightened? And according to your photos, apparently evolved women are 20-year-old sexually exploited vixens.

Wow, the whole way through this article I was saying omg, omg, omg!!! and to be honest, crying a little too.
I was starting to doubt everything I was thinking about relationships but after reading this amazing piece of writing I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders.
My sincere thanks Kelly for helping me realize that I am not crazy.
Happy New Year
Thankyou, Thankyou, Thankyou

Do you have any book to recommend to understand better how to become an awake woman, to have more self respect and healthy boundaries..?

Good article over all. I can say I had to do a lot of growing in my last relationship. I become controlling in my last relationship. But my GF also lied to me. It is extremely difficult to deal with lies from someone you really love. I did not possess the emotional tools to deal with it. I think I do now. Nothing is ever so cut and dry and you suggest. I did my best to work things out with my ex, and most of the time we did. Eventually I had to break up with her. It SUCKED! I saw myself being a person I never wanted to be. I never wanted to be controlling in a relationship. Shirley Manson once sang “You’re sick of all the rules, well I’m sick of all your lies”. And it is true there were times when I was completely out of line, especially one time in particular. It is so hard to trust someone after they have violated your trust. I tried. Oh how I tried. In my experience women see themselves as experts on emotional maturity, all of them, and they aren’t. Not even close. My ex would lie to my face and blame me for it. She told me things you listed here. And at times she was right. But not all time. A woman will lie to you, and then make up all sorts of reasons it is your fault. I would LOVE to meet an honest woman. Love to. And women FLIP when you call them out. The women I’ve known will stand by B.S. until their blue in the face! And then tell you that you have some sort of deficiency. So yeah, this article gave me hope there are some decent women out there. Hope I meet one some day.
I have another word for emotionally aware/ mature, jaded. Now I am jaded. I will never be in a relationship like that again. I am now experienced. Now I simply refuse to let myself care. If you want to be around and treat me how I expect to be treated, great! If women want to play with my head, I’ll see you later. I will never be that guy again. I refuse to let them bring that out of me.

This article is a proof that Kelly does not understand men at all, simply with the fact that there is no man in the world, awakened or not, that let a woman tell him what he should do, a mistake many women make. Men have their own kind of development from childhood to manhood which a woman cannot understand. Here’s an article that tries to shed some light about the development of men:

Awesome comment and even more awesome article you linked too. Thanks for sharing. I totally agree with you that woman don’t get or for that matter will ever get us just like we don’t or ever will fully get woman. Although I respectfully disagree with you on Kelly’s post, I like what she has to say to woman and to men (from her perspective). Although, it’s not fully accurate, its the work she’s put into it and to herself to try and understand it more is admirable. Bro, have you heard of this documentary?
Sound pretty interesting, when it comes out, Ill be sure to watch it. Happy New Year man, thanks again for the link.

James, I just posted a reply in one of your threads; I am not sure it fell on the right place.

It is true Kelly makes a point. Something needs to be changed. But not only men are to blame for it. It is a total dynamic where both men and women play a role in it. Many women, also on this discussion here make the mistake that they start to bemother the men (do this, do that, listen now). This does not work for men, since they talk to men like they talk to a child.

Yes, I saw the trailer of the documentair, looking forward to see it!

Btw, do you know the following link?
It helped me a lot on the way of my conscious development. In fact point 2 has really saved the marriages of some friends of mine.

Have a great day

Yeah Max, I got your response and just responded to it. This whole comment section has a million posts in it so I just read the responses made to me when it comes through to my email. Thanks for that, I thought I was alone on here considering some dudes (and girls) blasting me for my posts. I’m not Kelly, I’m not a writer, so its pretty easy to take things out of context but frankly if they do, then they probably are just not there yet in their lives to fully understand what I’m trying to convey.
Thanks for the link, I wish I would have seen that about 10 years ago, LOL.

This changed my life. I am crying. This is perfect. Everyone needs to know this! Ugh! Kelly, you’re an amazing woman!

Thank you Kelly! This article was insightful and so true. I have been going through my own emotionally growth this past year and dealing with unresolved issues. I am in a much better place mentally, spiritually, and emotionally than last year and I still feel like I have a long way to go but I know that it will happen it just takes time. Some of the things you listed I see in myself and the men that I have been with both the good and bad but it is ultimately a learning experience. So Thank you again for being so eloquent and sharing this article and reminding us women and men the value of ourselves.

I love love love this! As a psychotherapist and a woman on my own path towards conscious living I sincerely appreciate your perspective! thank you!

go fuck yourself you psychotic self empowering feminist lunatic. thank you so much for sharing you’re life lessons on relationships and mental health. at you’re mature age you can look down from your pyramid and share your priceless knowledge with the rest of us whelps. i’d like to say i’m never coming back here and i might slip a prayer in with jesus to send a cement mixer your way, however I will be back to read your blog after you find out adam gave you syphilis and has a child pornography stash.

This is the first thing I have read for 2014, and Kelly, you spit the feminine truth right here. No one’s words but my own (and Anais Nin) ever truly grasp my thought process and my attention…but you have.

As a Consciously Awake Libra Woman living and loving a Consciously Awake Gemini Man, I can only say that this is the truth.

Thank you.

It’s too bad you think that feminism is the answer to people’s relationship problems. It’s like saying adhering to white supremacy will heal racial tension between blacks and whites. Neither gender should be on a pedestal.

I fucking love you, and would ask your hand in marriage based solely off of this article lol…fer real and I AM a man. I see many people here who are still battling out their own perceptions of what it means to be in a relationship.

Until you have learned to be alone, you will never know if you are entering a relationship because of love or loneliness.

I love this Kelly and look forward to reading more of what you have to say…I’m mostly attracted to your rawness as I feel it’s needed in these times of all the web of chaos happening.

I’ve been through the process, admit my mistakes, forgive myself, do better, feel what I feel, express honestly… & get dumped by women who want a “bad boy”.
Wanna know how I KNOW I’m RIGHT?
I’ve never had casual sex, never been unfaithful and will either have love & respect on my terms, or get along just fine without it.
[But, I admit, I’d be much happier WITH it.

It took me a very long time to get over the emotional damage I had LET an emotionally insecure, sociopathic man do to me ( I say let because the whole six years off and on, I knew what he was about but hoped he would change- lol). But “get over it” I did. I am now wide awake, stronger, wiser and once again, taking care of my own! You said it better than I have ever heard anyone explain “awareness”. thanku-beautiful blog!

I’m obviously not the target market for this, and I appreciate what she’s trying to accomplish but a few things from my humble position.
First, the we’re-not-your-average-women perspective makes her sound like the average woman.
Second, most men learn how to treat women from their mothers. Obviously fathers play a serious role here and the consequences of their/our serial disappearing act can’t be overstated. But at the end of the day there is no stronger example for how a man should treat a woman than the one a mother gives her son. If you’re mad about the way men act out here (and you should be), stop raising brats.
Finally, very little is going to change in modern western romance until we address the elephant in the room: most people are trying to apply old-school marriage & monogamy rules and expectations in an age where very few people take the time to get to know each other before jumping headlong into sex and emotional stuff. The statistics say it all.

This is genius, Kelly. I can write an entire novel on this topic. You took the words straight out of my mouth. Thank you for sharing! I think we are soul sisters…and I am a Gemini too 🙂 Great article!

Jeez… what a load of confused garbage.

This is not a male/female issue… it’s an adult/child issue. This author (or perhaps more aptly put, this typer) is trying to jam gender into a concept where it doesn’t belong. People either grow up or they don’t… women do not have any special acess that men do not have, and vice versa. This is just divisive nonsense. With all the cheap shots and generlizations the author (it still feels wrong calling her that) proves she’s not a grown up and lightyears away from being “awakened”.

You wrote in your first paragraph: “My masculine has been ruling for so long, I didn’t even realize how hardened I have become.”
This implies that being in your masculine equates to being hardened. You can’t blame being “in your masculine” for being hardened. It also implies a judgement about males and the masculine. A true powerful woman doesn’t have to belittle men in order to be in her power. Any Consciously Awake Woman would know this and not need to defend it.

I see this article as ‘all’ self revealing, contemplating, humorous and discriminating. I read it with all the nuts and bolts, expressive and open. All it is, is a conversation. It is tough, awake woman are tired of shrinking and hiding and obeying the ‘male’ order of things. Of course, there are exceptions, she is not addressing the ‘exception’. For myself, I’ve had two beautiful relationships with real evolved and awake men and two with immature, asleep men and even the two awake, could not handle my independence and power. It is subtle, and at the core of every man is, the power issue. But, power is formless and this is our true awakening.

Wow, what controversy. We are more alike than not. I have had to eat my words and apologize as well as stand up for myself when needed. I hurt when I cause hurt, its not fun. I love, resect and admire him for his strengths, vulnerabilities and providing a soft place fo me to fall. In return its my intent to provide a place he wants to come home to at the end of the day. We are all in school till the day we die, may as well learn something along the way.
I dont alway like what I see in the mirror, but I always strive to improve. 29 years married, and will always be greatful for growth opportunities.
Thankyou for opening the conversation as it is obviously needed.

There is nothing awakened or conscious about calling other (non-conscious) women “crazy bitches” and “fucked up women.” Especially when you go on to chastise men for doing the same. A bit of a double standard. Everyone is on their own path to awakening, and throwing nasty judgment calls in their direction (without knowing their personal life story or where they are on their path) is cruel and unnecessary, and it makes you look spiteful.

So, as a man I have been on the path of consciousness for 40+ years. I raised my daughter to be a conscious, aware, awake woman. She started her journey very early but a 23, she finds as you have, that not many men have woken up. For women, the path requires rising out of the emotional swamps as you have, and embrace the clarity of the intellectual process. For men, it is to descend into the emotional swamps of their childhood and cultural programming, and realize that the emotional realm has it’s own logic, process and dimensions. Awareness means having an objective witness that you develop that can process the unconscious emotional landmines littering our psychic landscape so you don’t inadvertently ‘step’ on them and blow up emotionally. This leads to the ‘Aha’ moment that we’ve all had, when you suddenly understand something that has troubled you and just converted that negative experience to wisdom. In the alchemical tradition, you negativity and beliefs are the heavy ‘Lead’ of your experience, your objective witness is the Philosopher’s stone, and when you touch the Philosopher’s stone to Lead, it transforms into the Gold of Wisdom, releasing the trapped energy and liberating you. For a man, his highest purpose is to become, as described in the Sufi tradition, a Khalifa, (vice-regent) or care taker for the garden of Creation on the Planet. In conscious relationship, a man will be empowered and inspired by his partner, who is the dynamic energy source for all that he accomplishes.. for the woman, she will hold the state of Divine recognition that he worships and respects, and for both of them the journey will be the ongoing transmutation of personal and couple Lead into the Gold of Wisdom as they discover life with and through each other.

You can die in the blink of an eye and at the end if the day bitches be shallow … So while you woman are comming up in this world men a lot of us are falling backwards … Men are taught never cry be strong do show your emotion .. The new awakened woman is a direct assault on the fabric of manhood .. Strong hard providers complimented by soft beautiful care givers 50 000 + years of human evolution has been drastically altered in less than 30 years. Really stop and look at what your asking of us …. To change everything we were to make you happy how fucking selfish is that and we do it and when a man lets his emotions out its often met with sarcasm insults or both .. Your mind wants a careing softer more in control man but your pussy wants what it’s always wanted hard dick.. This is why you and men are conflicted and you see woman flock to the first guy with a Mercedes and a six pack instead of the back breaking 9-5 man who is already been walked all over by woman … You know the ones with experience an have started this growth instead they opt out for a cold distant often lieing n cheating type of man … Because women can make equal money to a man but not be with that man because of it .. You haven’t changed your the same product and everyone has eyes to big fr thier bellies .. This has led to alot of good woman being alone alot like for 30-50 years of lonly nights because magazine show you glamour and teach you all the wrong values in the guise of advice … I agree some men could handle thier emotions better get a punching bag hit the gym or go wack off n get some perspective .. But at the end of the day we are adjusting rapidly to a new world a world we dominated I mean shit we use to kill sabre tooth tigers with sticks for you now we have to be sensitive even though everything that got humanity to the twentieth century has moulded us to be hard almost vacant emotionally while you raised children for centuries becoming emotional basket cases ..

The author needs to educate herself better in women’s lib history. No one should take this as any form of relationship advice. It’s nothing but the stupid male female dichotomy BS.

I echo many of the comments already made – This was AWESOME – I think it is going viral on Facebook!!! The timing of this for me is incredible – I have poured my self into understanding my triggers, my childhood traps, and emotional blind spots, only to go into a relationship and have all that potential pour through my hands like sand…. Men are baffled and so am I… We all need to grow up and face our own demons – I LOVE THIS AND WANT MORE!!!!!!

I looked for a way to sign up for your blog – your site did not offer me the opportunity until I commented – I wonder if your reader base would increase if you offered a sign up plugin along your side bar – happy to add it for you if you do not know how (for free of coarse)… Rowan

“I’m pioneering a path to empower a new breed of women”

History tells us you are not a pioneer, but you are following a path well trod by many amazing women – and men. There are those amongst my friends and family who show me the same.

I am happy for you that you have discovered this path and are helping others discover it.

It is perhaps less daunting if people understand that they do not have to be pioneers and this is not new. It is wisdom and if people look around themselves they may find people in their own lives they can learn this wisdom from.

“We want you to actually treat women the way you would want men to treat your daughters.”

Hello Kelly,

Bravo that you are taking now the first steps to become An Consciously Aware Woman. When I read your text the first time I noticed your confusion, desperation, and the urgency that “something needs to be done”. I recognized that it all belongs to the first state Of Awakening.

I admire your courage for going on the way to be an Consciously Awakened Human Being. You address man and woman to change themselves for creating better relationships and ultimately a better world. Beyond all this emotional turmoil what you seem to express I sense your nobility.

But the truth is: you cannot change people. When you go further on the path of Awakening, you are going to realize that it is not about all these men, not even about the women. It is just about you. You don’t need to create or changes something to find what you are looking for: it is already there.

Smart people want to change the world. Wise people just changed themselves.
Along your journey you will discover this. And much more. That this is an existence with abundance. Everything what you want and need is there, in the world you are living in. Also the man of your dreams.

The key for having your desires fulfilled is: attraction. You might have the impression that so far you did not attract right guy in your life what you are longing for. The Law Of Attraction is a simple one: we attract the people and circumstances that resonate with our own being. It is simple as that.

If you find yourself with a man that treats you badly, you should start asking question. Not about him and his doings; that’s irrelevant. Questions about yourself are more appropiate. Like: “how do I treat myself”? After all, everything in this existence is mirroring our inner world.

What amazed me in your story is that you haven’t been speaking about one certain man that plays a very important role in your life and your relationship with him: your father. Although our parents also represent the outer world, they have set the blueprint in us how we see ourselves and our life, what we believe in. Your father has put in you the blueprint of your present believes about men.

My experience is that when one follows the path to be a fully Consciously Aware Human Being, it is accompanied with an UNLEARNING process. Unlearning everything we believe in. Or better said what we were told as a child what we should believe in. This can sometimes seem like a travel through hell, but it’s worth the effort because this is the true hero’s journey.

Then there will be a big reward. We will find back our true inner self which we all lost by bits and pieces of past traumatic experiences. On the way through unlearning, after releasing old pains, there can be big parties. With many presents. Some call this process soulretrieval.

Wish you all the best on the way to your true self.

So basically, like most other women you want a whole load of shit but like others have said, don’t bring much to the table yourself. WOMAN UP.

I don’t agree with this at all… yes, many men are emotionally stunted. So let’s just ignore them, they are a waste of time? How are they supposed to grow if they don’t have anyone to help support them? Men need the support of women to help them grow. Don’t fall in love with their potential?? Are you kidding me? What if you helped this man and he turned out to be a dream. This is such bullshit. The grass is greener where you water it. Look, I agree it’s a pain in the ass and you may be thinking, it’s not your job to help this guy, etc… but how the fuck are men supposed to do this on their own? I mean, it’s not impossible but they need help too. We all do. Instead of encouraging a selfish attitude, how about give men a bit of a break. Society isn’t exactly encouraging men to be emotionally mature. Men and women should help each other. That’s what life’s about. It’s not about finding the perfect person. It’s about helping each other reach our potential. If you don’t feel that’s your job. THAT YOU. That’s not how everyone should be.

Where in the hell can I meet a woman like this?. I’ve been single for 2 1/2 years and more women I date more frustrated I get. I’m just giving up and focusing just on my projects.
All that you wrote makes sense but I have to see with my own eyes a woman like that.

Problem is, even when a woman is supposedly consciously awake. She still has major issues of being crazy, materialistic, physco , gold diggin, bitchy, whining, and just plain a pain in the ass traits

I came here through a link on FB. As a woman, and someone who considers herself a feminist, I’m very disturbed by what you’ve written. “Man up?” Really? There’s a documentary coming out soon called They Mask You Live In (by the same team that produced Miss Representation), and that should have you rethinking the use of that phrase. I agree with someone above who posted that your piece completely lacks empathy towards men. Women who are consciously aware (nice redundant term, btw) are humble, honest, and kind. Period. And no, not all women start off damaged.

If you expect the goodness in people, you will UNCONSCIOUSLY associate yourself with good people. Boom. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

How can anyone take this painful read seriously. You spent all day writing how you are so empowered and awakened and “have all the scientific answers of why men are men.” Yet you’re sitting there 36 and single eating ice cream watching Hope Floats with your cats. Ahahahaha how narcissist and chauvinistic can you be. Christ is your mom Susan Orman or Oprah? Hahah

wow. young feminazi bitter about how her creators shaped men. here’s reality. what goods do you offer? pussy and emotions arent goods, neither are dicks and honesty. what skills do you bring to the table? i’m an acf certified chef…i can cook. can you? and putting shit from a box into a microwave, isnt cooking. can you fix a flat? can you fix a roof? can you DO anything but bitch? if not, then enjoy the selection of emotional pussies you and yours created. fuck, you cant even spell properly and you claim to be a writer. man up and can up the bitch until you have something to offer. ass, grass, and gas are cheap, and that’s about where your standards are.

I cannot speak for the author. As for me Yes, I can fix a flat, although my husband graciously helped with the last one. I was 15 feet up on a shed putting a tin roof on in below freezing weather finishing at 7pm before it started snowing at 11pm on Dec. 7, 2013. My husband was on the ground cutting the sheets that needed cutting. I was on the roof because of his bad back. We have been married 24 years. It is better now but I have experienced some of the things she is talking about and it was no easy thing to choose to stay married. My husband is a lucky man. When I have earned enough money beyond paying the bills, separate from my husband’s earnings I will treat myself by getting back to women’s ice hockey, a lifetime sport I aquired at age 47. I learned out of need for self preservation to stop being his emotional processor. When I first started that process, he escalated verbally. It was very unpleasant for 3 years. I am glad to be past that period of time in our lives.

By refusing to be his emotional processor, I mean that I fell silent, refusing to engage, leaving him to ponder his own rants. I reacted with anger in the early days and learned disengagement over time. Thankfully, now the conversation is more equal.

This was a great read but I think your #6 is backwards. you hear sound but the act of listening involves paying attention.

Thank you for everything you wrote in this post. This consciously Aware Woman really needed to read this now. Namaste.

What can I say – this is one of those big statements that in the end means the same for both sexes… Why do men behave like ass holes – well the same reason women do the sames. Men (it would seem) just don’t understand women – and we should try to. However I why should we have to understand them when they don’t really want to understand us? Well because we are assholes just wanting to abuse women. It seems to be assumed that a rare commodity in men is self reflection… Well quite often when a man starts self reflecting – the partner starts doubting and walks in the other direction. It’s an interesting blog – you could substitute and reverse and loads of men would empathize.

I was almost bought in until the last rant contradicting need vs. then individualism. Another lost soul I think.

Thank you so much for this! Wonderful. But did the boxing gloves come off? How is explaining all the great reasons you aint got time for men children being vulerable? Cheers, fellow Gemini.

Hm, I could finish going through the rantings of yet another woman who thinks she’s the really special one, to see what she’s shaming men for this time (oh, I see now, it’s the usual “80% of you are below the top 20% we find hot! Man up!” crap), or I could go back to Assassin’s Creed IV.

Free piece of advice, Kelly: You don’t want men getting introspective. The more introspective we get, the more we realize how little we need women. Last thing you need is for all of us to realize we don’t have to put up with women’s crap.

I didn’t read the comments, because it took me so long to read the article. So excuse me if this was already said.

While I agree with much of what she said, I think this woman is in love with the sound of her own voice. She could have made this point with 25% of the words.

But I strongly object to her condemnation of women’s lib. I imagine she is under 40 and probably has NO appreciation of what both the first and the second wave of the women’s liberation or feminist movement did for her. Her depiction of it is exactly how men critique the movement – saying it mad us into hardened bitches. Even the word bitch is a sexist term as it can only refer to a woman. And this pisses me off. For it is what my sisters did back then that enabled her to even have the voice she has now.

Second, I object strenuously to the photo she is using to market her article. This is the third time I have commented on my friend’s posts who share photos of scantily clad women or women in provocative poses. Like the mainstream media or like corporate advertising, they are exploiting women and sex to sell an idea. What’s worse is she’s doing it consciously as she adds the word SEXY in capital letters to the title of the article just like Cosmo might do to get women to read it. I don’t think progressives should use the tools of the oppressor.

You sound exactly like then characters from all the erotic novles I read…I didn’t think they actually existed!

I wrote this first of Facebook, so where I say ‘she’, I am referring to the author. I hope that the author takes this not as an attack but as constructive criticism.

“I would rather live alone then have to compromise.”

She will end up alone because no one will ever suit all her needs. She states she only wants someone that will supplement her life. Relationships are all about growth, but it swings back and forth from caring for another and being cared for. Rarely are two people ever on par with their growth and that will never happen in any relationship for long.
This women has all the classic signs of Emotional Depravity, She may have had 4 long lasting relationships but I bet many, many short ones (with what she calls Lame Men). I bet all her relationships ended because she felt she gave too much and wasn’t getting what she felt she deserved. People like this get caught up very quickly, I assume she goes for strong men and gets disillusioned when she finds out they are only capable of so much. She would also idolise some men that are in relationships, because they are unobtainable and she cannot see their faults outside a relationship, she’d built delusions about what a perfect man is from a seemly happy couple without realising they, like everyone, have problems.

Everyone has issues and problems, some more than others, but the girl who wrote this is definitely not as emotionally mature as she says. You can tell by the volume of stuff she wrote about how she is Awake and others are not, her need to claim this is so strong, its childish and all she is doing is blaming others for her own problems with 9 out of 10 men, which is a majority (if 9 out of 10 men were crazy, I would say, in a median of society, the extra 1 is the true insane).

I think she needs to have a good look at what she wrote and realise she has a major problem with nurturing and she will never be happy until she fixes it. Also she needs to realise, that someone who seems emotionally immature to her may seem more emotionally mature to someone else, even someone she thought was emotionally mature. People fit like puzzle pieces and we are all emotionally stunted in many ways, its how we evolve to cope and carry on. Depression is the minds way of identifying their is a problem, men with depression and major stunted egos do recover and I think its sad to treat them like cast aways. My Fiancé was very nurturing towards me in the beginning of our relationship, now she has helped me recover I am helping her with her BiPolar. She has many issues to the point of annoying but I did and do to and she will always be worth my time. She’s even the reason I took up study for a bachelor degree in Psychology, so in a way, her problems still bettered me and in turn her which strengthened “US”.

I think emotionally, she has a lot to learn.


I really like the way this article is put together. I’ve thought about things like this and I think its important to have balance to find a “GREAT” person. At least in my opinion, I don’t want a girl that is only one thing. I want a women that can’t be explained without asking the person if they have some time. 🙂 We obviously are different and inclined to have preferences that make certain things more important than others, but I try an expand my outlook and things I do. I want a women that can get all dolled up at a fancy dinner, throw a football around, joke with the boys, can eloquently put a thought together on different things in life, never be afraid of who you are, and probably most important… never be too good to help or admit when they’re wrong. Of course you dont want a pushover but you also shouldnt be worried shes going to actually try and push you over. Even if you don’t have everything you want in yourself. Being okay with working on certain things and continuing to improve is an amazing thing in life.

Its better to take chances, then wonder if things could be better.

Creating a relationship; men do you really want an awakened woman? Just how awakened? She’s still a woman. With wild hair and grumpy days; all spreading deserts of sand into night.

Fully awakened means she knows to how destroy spirit, twist her karma around her finger, and use past life information, that, if people knew about, they would destroy her out of total fear.

A fully awakened woman is, potentially, a very dangerous woman; she may be very enlightened, but she has secrets hidden away in the depths of her spiritual libraries, and she is aware of them.

So think real carefully whether you want that awakened woman. And if a woman chooses you who is awakening, you have to be able to see the karma you will create for yourself by teaching her things…people do destroy themselves by learning things they are not ready for. Awakening is absolutely crazy shit; you will think you are schizophrenic if you don’t have the tools to deal with it.

And you have to ask yourself: is she going to be worth the time invested? If you open Pandora ’s Box for her, are you going to stick around to show her it all? It’s pretty hard to close that box once it’s been opened.

Skydiving is statistically far less dangerous than driving on the highway, yet many think of skydiving as scary and risky; it isn’t. Much of this discussion rests on the level of this aforementioned sentence: the mantles of perception and the pictures which we prop upon them. How many of them are someone else’s truth, but a lie in your own bodyspace?

You have to destroy everyone else’s pictures of what being a man, or woman, is from your inner world if you want to operate off of your own sub-conscious images.

What do you think a man, or woman is? Did you look behind those beliefs to see whose control energy is sitting there? Beliefs have no real weight outside the energy they sit in, so the enlightened, and neutral, person can simply pick apart every belief, destroy them to clean them off, and then see where their actual decision is.

Relationships are agreements; and like all things, they have their end. The relationships you had with people in your life can be seen as conclusions in your inner space. So if you are single, it makes sense to contemplate the end of your next relationship, rather than its beginning. What conclusionary effect would you like it to have on your development as a spirit in a body?

So it is a good idea to create a relationship from that perspective, rather than all the unconscious karma that is floating around you and your potential mates. In fact it is incredibly foolish to even go on a date with someone without looking at your karma with that person first.

Kelly’s suggestion to look at past relationship images is excellent. I might add: what pictures did you create off of in those relationships? What pictures didn’t work? What worked? As she said, what were the themes? What themes, and karma, will you work on in your next relationship?

You sound like the men from all the steamy erotic novels I read. I didn’t think such Men actually existed.

You’re doing yourself and your movement a disservice by not proof reading and revising your work. You have what could be a really great piece here, but it won’t go as far as it could or be taken as seriously as it could if it were free from the simple spelling and grammatical errors that it has. I dig the ideas though. Just wish it were more refined to be really ready for prime time. Best of luck to you on your journey. 🙂

I enjoyed this immensely. I promote the ideals of self-reflection and growth to ourselves and the people in our lives. I also moved from the US to Europe nearly 7 years ago to see the world and be a part of it. The journey that is our lives can be such a fascinating and wondrous journey. I hope I never stop learning, lose touch with myself, or reach the top of my mountain. I consciously try to inspire the same in the people around me. It is always inspiring for me to hear from people who believe in the same and live it. Congratulations and thank you.

Thank you so much for this! It couldn’t have come at a better time. Getting over a break up with a very emotionally immature guy and this really reassured me in my decision to stay broken up. We are still friends and sharing our progress together. But that’s as far as it can go. I gave too much to this person and I am finally really living for myself again. I feel as though I was very much more empowered before the relationship, and then let myself get broken by trying to fix someone else. This is no one’s fault but my own. I am taking accountability for that and rebuilding the strong, aware and confident women I was and know I can be again. I’m learning to say NO and following my intuition more and more. There is still so much work to do, but I believe in myself and that is what counts the most. Thanks again!

What an amazing article. I wish more beautiful women can be Consciously Awake. Almost impossible to find the combo. Remove the beauty and there is nothing but a dead skeleton.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I don’t normally comment on articles that come my way through FB however, I felt drawn to respond to this and give my two cents.

Awakened relating starts with self reflection. Awakening is the realization that everything we need is inside of us. We are NOT broken nor do we need to be fixed. We are whole and complete in our imperfections. We all have our own spiritual paths to walk. Stop seeking outside what is already within. YOU ARE YOUR OWN SOUL MATE.

Amazing, amazing…amazing! Love this piece of writing, have shared it on my wall and have noticed it being quoted in other blogs.. Well do me… X

WOW WEEE…. YES YES… i just spent the last nine months developing myself out of a crack that i dropped into by my allowing of a BOY to whom i thought i loved and who loved me… haaa .. little did i know… i ended up hating myself and drowning in a crack…it had nothing to do with him in the end, just me realizing i was emotionally, psychologically and energetically abused and used for the last time…it has and is taking alot of constant work, continual and revising…. allowing for revisions and connection is utmost important to me as well…..
i appreciate your words, your zest and your flipping movement…

i am now after 12 years of doing nothing about it starting my own creative indie underground project and would love to have you on it when i have it more together… beginning stages as of now… and i am loving being a beginner…

finding that which does not serve me any longer has been an opening of guidance through the ethers of light and allowing me to be my own muse…
I am my own muse.. finally… as tears pour from my eyes… i am grateful you have spoken it feels amazing to not be alone…


I’ve got a better idea: men, go your own way and avoid the twisted, deceptive being known as the American female.

Kelly, thank you for beaming your conscious light into the world. You are my type of person as you are confident and stand for your right that, you matter. And you are not afraid to claim who you are and define who and what you want to experience in your life.
I’m living a conscious life as everyday I ask my soul what she requires. I connect with this vision on a daily basis and I have the courage and awareness to participate in my own personal growth. Sadly there are too many women who are compromising themselves to be with a man. These have this sense of desperateness which they project. Yet in those moments of private, mature reflection they are crumbling under the weight of their self created heartache.

You describe brilliantly how real women want real men to relate to them. I have nothing further to add.

I look forward to being with and enjoying a juicy relationship with a wonderful man where we meet at that point of natural understanding, with room for love, growth, adventure and togetherness. In the meantime my happy spirit remains in the flow of life which is unfolding in the way it is meant to. Happily.

Thank you for sharing this I’m sure everyone can take something away from what you have written.

Very nice article. It’s a subject that’s really impossible to put it all into words, but the understanding of it all can be relayed.

I don’t think pain is something that should be feared either. it should be respected and appreciated. it’s one of the greatest teachers of wisdom.

To me love in it’s simplest form is appreciation. It can build up and turn into love in all sorts of ways. Most importantly though love and appreciation can really only truly be felt when it’s coming from you. You can love and appreciate others love, but it’s a feeling that comes from you.

People who look to have love poured into them in order to feel love are like cups that will never be filled instead of being a cup that is constantly overflowing.

That’s why you see a lot of these guys get mad at women who won’t love them back. If they loved life, and appreciating and loving that woman was something they felt, they wouldn’t need anything more back from her than that.

if she didn’t reciprocate the feeling, oh well, it was extra coming from you anyways, or it was there to spare.

I agree people shouldn’t try to own each other either. Acting as partners or being partners is a completely separate thing.

It’s almost like people are in a rush to take each other for granted when they try to own each other, so even if it does happen it’s not a great path to head down anyways.

It’ll be lucky if there’s any growth at all in a relationship like that.

This is a wonderful article. As I read it I was struck by some very real and partial truths.

I have been in a number of (more than one) relationships (which I ended) where the woman was simultaneously telling me and others how “unintegrated”, “immature”, psychologically stunted (pathological), and just basically unfit to be in relationship with a woman of such “self-awareness” and power as herself.

I would like to reiterate the theme of “true and partial” here, lest anyone think I am accusing anyone of being dishonest or (completely) delusional.

For some reason after making such claims repeatedly, these women have also approached me to inquire if there might be some way to make a relationship with me work. When I have said yes with the proviso that such endeavors would require BOTH of us to change/grow/accommodate each other in ways that are not totally comfortable, all bets are off, and I am now even more “unintegrated” and pathological than before, because I am not “taking responsibility for my own shit”.

Again, I invoke the “true and partial” clause. I want to be clear that it takes two people to be in relationship, whatever level of functionality.

A few common themes I have noticed amongst these women who are not interested in “playing mommy” (for very legitimate reasons) in their intimate relationships:

– They are still financially/materially dependent upon their parents (with the father the main breadwinner) or were so until well into adulthood (mid-thirties).

– They have extorted large sums of money and/or seized valuable assets from previous husbands/partners (by “extorted” I mean threatened to press criminal charges or take legal action which would not be held up in a court of law, but which would cost the defendant more time, money and head/heartache than simply handing over a pile of money and running like hell) which they then have used to pay for the important self-work mentioned in the article – extensive therapy and personal coaching.

From my own personal experience (invoke the true and partial clause yet again here) it seems to me that women who are most hung up (paranoid) about “playing mommy” are also still dealing with their own really heavy “daddy issues”.

This doesn’t seem as apparent in our society because daddy’s major contribution for the last developmental epoch has been money, which is a lot easier and more socially acceptable to extract from other sources than what mommy should offer – nurturing, baseline capacity for self-regulation, emotional mirroring, and probably a few other things which I am not aware of.

I believe this qualifies as a “wicked problem”. May we be equal to the burden.

Well stated! Only one thing tho’… I think it’s “listen not just hear”. I say this because you can hear talking around you and it’s just noise. But if you wanna pay attention, you actually listen to it. …Just a thought… Such an infinitesimal thing in the grand scheme. But something I’ve always wondered about… 😉 Well written!!

I have read this piece and found that it truly illuminates the often co-existing and predominant problems with relationships and assessments of self, that a large majority of us experience, in an entertaining fashion. I think we can all agree that everyone has issues that require a daily search for the truth, humility, patience and tolerance.. But HOW exactly do we do that?

I noticed within the passage that there is a lot of identification and warnings about what to avoid in other people but that it leaves you asking, “What next?” In order to accomplish what I believe is the desired outcome, it would require more than a mention for someone to become “awake” or to seek professional help in order to attain the peace with self and confidence to choose relationships wisely..

There are tons of resources available on these exact topics, yet many simply provide feel good stories and fluff that just might “awaken” you, but don’t provide the necessary tools to truly change. An exception is – Inner Voice. This method takes us back to connect the dots forward to fully discover who we have become and provides the unique blueprint for each of us on how to get where we want and must be, in order to fulfill our purpose.

Thanks for the personal insight shared here that will hopefully lead others to the water…

Good morning Kelly.

I for one do get that you can’t fit everything into one article. It is not the topic that I take exception to. My issue is that I rarely read articles written by women that comment on the garbage women do except their garbage of a variety that paints them as being victims of male agression or stupidity or whatever. I’m tired of it. I was actually hopeful of seeing something different and refreshing when I clicked on your blog and while it starts off a little different by the end you sound exactly like every other article I have ever read on this subject. If any good is to come of this discussion in general people need to stop saying things like:

THE PROBLEM IS (this is the entire problem, mind you. Ready for it…?)a lot of YOU (men I suppose) are lame, unreliable, emotional stunted, and impossible to date.

How about some real transformational language?

The problem is a lot of US (men and women) are lame, unreliable, emotional stunted, and impossible to date.

The difference is the second statement leaves people of each gender free to confront the issues within themselves. It does not absolve women of any blame or totally blame men. Because as someone else said it does take two.

I am not saying that men are perfect. I myself am so not perfect. Neither are any of my male friends or business associates. We are not perfect. Got it? I know you do got that. My problem with your article (see how I am speaking for myself and not all men right here?) is it says precious little by way of problem or proposed solution occuring within the entire other half of our species.

A consciously aware human being should understand the distinction and could rewrite this article as a piece that works for human beings in general regardless of gender.

As a rant cloaked in some high minded ideas this works well though and reading between the lines my guess is your intention was to rant and not truly to propose working solutions. I am glad to be wrong about that though.

Want to solve the problem somehow or do you just want to complain? It’s time to choose. Your contribution could be valuable. Seems there are a lot of people reading this.

Marc, I didn’t see this. If you still want to publish the article can you message me on Facebook Kelly Marceau, thank you. I have an editted version I would hope you’d print. Thank you.

Is there a gender difference between a Consciously Awake Self Aware person? You don’t say as much, but aren’t you looking for a man who possesses the same qualities that you claim to have?

“You will never own someone like me, EVER. Even if I choose to hang out or I like you, I will never be yours, unless I chose to share my soul with you. I am on loan at best and that is how I roll. Where most women are looking for a man to complete them I am looking for amazing, preferably sexually. That’s really about all I need, considering that I have so many incredible men in my life that I don’t have to settle. If there is one beautiful thing about having male friends the way I have male friends, I don’t have to put up with shit. I have hand chosen men in my life that treat me right, so if you don’t treat me right you will not remain in my life for long.”
This is precisely how I have felt towards women most of my life, though I admit that in my youth I longed for the faithful, perfect relationship, where we would really own each other. As I grew, I realized that was a mirage, and reality was less idillic.

Wanting to grow and develop emotionally is a good thing. The more you hunger for understanding yourself and your woman, the better chance you have at a good relationship. Still, I think that deep down we all yearn to be loved for who we are, and not for whom we have the potential to become.

Thank you so much for taking an incredible question and articulating some sort of brilliant answer!
Than you for confirming that i am not selfish, and that searching for greater than what i know is not futile, it exists. thank you for the hope, the strength and encouragement!!! thank you! I knew I was being true to my heart, and up to this point I had felt like the journey was a lonesome one……. thank you for sharing that others are on the same kind of road…. just at different starting points!!! see you out there! and a thousand thank yous!!!

To the writer, thank you for this message. It is about time! I have grown so sick of women who say they don’t need a man. I was married for 8 years and she decided to be with a woman. Now she is angry because I am not there to fix anything, to hold her when she is scared, be the great father I am daily, to be a man! Women have to hold men accountable and at the same time, let them be men. Reading your article women should have a definition of a man. We want a strong woman to share life with. We want her to be there as we grow. We want her to want our presence and not our presents! We want her to want us to be a man. Many women now days want a Hollywood relationship, only good for the moment. They enjoy the cup until it becomes low or empty, not realizing they play a part on keeping it filled. Ladies, men do whatever women allow them to do. If you keep accepting what’s between the legs and not what’s between the ears, you will keep the evolution of this idiotic man to grow. I am not metro-sexual, I am a man. I believe that a man should always take the trash out of a woman’s life. I believe that a real man assumes responsibility for his flaws and desire to resolve those flaws continuously. How can we teach our daughters to be princesses and queens only for them to grow up and realize there were never any princes or kings in the making. Men allowed this world to diminish its role by trying to be women. I am the toughest of men, yet I cry when it is warranted. I share my feelings with whomever I am with. I am spiritual and will never feel like that somehow emasculate me in any way. Last, women there have at one time been a real man that wanted you. He may have been the geek in tech support, he may have been the “not so attractive” guy at the party. He may have been me. You decided you wanted the good looking fool that is still “potty-training.” Thank you for this article and may God bless you women and men that read this.

Hey Kelly

I get it, everything you said rings true and has been written/typed with compassion and conviction.

I have respect for that.

Evolution is critical… Fact! Some will evolve others won’t, right. “Bail” okay cool.

One point that jumped off the screen, “You will never own someone like me”.
Fair enough if you are aiming that at some male/female that assumes that you are some sort of object.

However for me no one can ever own anything, not even a soul if “given”.

Perhaps in another world, certainly not on this material, time engaged reality. You said it yourself “life is too short”.

Everything is transient; everything is at the mercy of time here from a newly built building that even before it’s first brick has been laid has already started decomposing.

The only thing in my opinion that moves forward wherever that is? Is our soul. That was given to you by the same power that woke you up. So if you don’t own that, how can one assume that it’s your to give. Every one of us is “On Loan” at best. It feels like these words are somewhat vague, like some falsified chess move or a form of empowerment. We all love assertiveness.

In my opinion the only thing that restricts our personal growth is our ego and the balance of using our ego to benefit of our growth is our largest lesson in our emotional fine tuning.

I get your strength and I love your transition, we all have growing to do. So perhaps this pointer will somehow facilitate more growth. This is in no manner a personal attack in any way whatsoever as I respect your (man-made words), and the context of which you utilized them to convey your point. Words can only take you so far, they have a purpose however as you are aware they serve purely as pointers.

It’s a great place to begin, however for me. True growth is the space in between the words.

I want nothing more than to be surrounded by an awake, conscious and ever present reality. I experience alignment and abundance each day, which stemmed from a journey, called, (lessons from pain).

My conclusion is that I believe that every single day regardless of who you are, you are a brand new person. The only difference is that some of us have evolved to become that brand new person, using yesterday’s experience to grow, for me no second, minute, day or experience can be considered a waste as long as you take the valuable lessons from it. So I for one will never try to be something that I am not because I will never truly know who I am.

What always amazes me is that everyone is the exact same when we go underneath our fragile tissue. However in the external reality we try so hard to be “different” on so many levels from how we do our hair to the clothes we wear. Look at me how different I am. Yet we are all one and the same.

I wish you abundance in your journey forward.

Peace x

Overall I can definitely agree with your point though I feel there are some aspects that have not been made clear.

A lot of what you’re saying has to do with another fulfilling your needs. But a part of ones awareness is their contribution to the relationship. Of course you shouldn’t become a slave to someone through a relationship either through blame, guilt, pity or whatever reasons you may be waiting hand and foot on someone but you CANNOT expect someone to be a strong, growing and powerful person because that’s how great you are and then stop at that. That then sets the stage for a strong aspect of communication and engagement.

The next stage out of all of that is growing together. When there is an aspect of yourself that you are struggling to conquer a relationship is the platform to aid in the other growth. No matter how volatile or painful it may be, the trust comes from being nice, fair and caring when they are struggling.

From how you’re wording your rant you seem to indicate that if they cant get their shit together, drop them to the curb but sometimes they need you to help them step onto that especially high ledge.

Compromise is also not a bad thing. Unless compromise is used maliciously it can serve as a good median to maintain a relationship. My girlfriend has EXTREME allergies to dust and pollen. Which means that I can’t go to bed without showering ever. I don’t like showering every day but I had to compromise as I’d much prefer for her to be able to sleep and rest and better function on her daily life.

My compromise was in order to allow her to better handle to fears of growth and self reliance. Also I’ve grown to better enjoy the daily showers. It’s a good marker to the end of my day and allows me to tone down for a better sleep myself.

(Lastly, you should really look over your article before posting, there’s a myriad of places where you used the wrong word in your statements. Even if you ask a friend to look it over so you have fresh eyes it would add a very strong professional edge to the article.)

you are 36. can you please stop talking about sex and go be ugly and wrinkly somewhere else on the internet?

Wow. What a tragically idiotic and typical thing to say. This is her place on the internet you retard. And you just posted your idiot comment on it. Have fun being an idiot, idiot. You’ll get yours.

I really liked reading this! There is a lot of truth in it and it is very wise. I think the one thing I’d like to point out is the part that mentions being committed to someone is like ‘being on loan’ …I get the idea of ‘owning’ oneself but I don’t think there is anything wrong with feeling that another person is like your other half or like they do complete you. I suppose it depends on personal experiences and different people have different types of relationships. My grandparents, for example, were like two peas in a pod and I very much felt like they did complete eachother.

Social media has turned into a cesspool for defective, bitter, angry women to bitch whine, cry and complain about men while patting themselves on the back like they’re some sort of prize from heaven. Its really getting old and the woman who wrote this crap needs to get over herself.

I choose to live alone, without a female partner by my side, why, because like you I am not willing to sacrifice what it takes to be with a women, demands on how I should behave, kids, money, how the laundry should be folded, get into problems if I forget to pull out the chair and say goodbye when I leave for work. The things guys should be asking is:

1. Are you being constantly controlled and feel like you are being watched by every move you make.

2. Is there demands on how you should behave or change?

3. Do you have a partner who can work out her own shit and have her own hobbies without you having to be involved?

The problem with this article and you is that you are expecting things before even getting to know the human being, and the men you pick up with that attitude are horsearses!

Probably the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever read on the internet. Was a good laugh though.

Beautifuly written. A Mentor of mine once said that a woman will automatically embody the essence of the femine nature in her early twenties, but a man has to learn to emody what the masculine is, and often it takes hime into his 40’s if ever to fully be that. masculine and feminine are more of a spiritual essence of a man or woman. Then of course there is personal history of abuse and/or programming that factors in, and needs to be undone.

If you are part of the small minority of men who already respects women then this aggressive line of thought first paints us all in a negative light that we have to battle against. I spend most of my time alone because it takes so long to convince women that I’m not an asshole. I feel like in the United States at least our value as men has disappeared and this post is just another nail in the coffin. So women if you want good men you’ll have to come find us. I don’t have time to waste being brow beaten by women like the author. I have so much I want to do with my life and it pisses me off that I have to do penance for all the men raised in machismo cultures. Do not assume anything about me please. I am a good nice man and I wish that could be our starting point.

So this brings about an awareness. What it brings about is that there are allot of women unhappy with men. That men can be great or terrible and that men should choose to grow because there is allot of higher living to be had. In my personal growth journey I have developed a way for me to take actionable steps to produce results I want. Here is an example that I have created from your article because it is very adaptable and useful to me and possibly others in this way. “I am so happy and grateful to always have been in the same league as wonderful women who have fulfilled my desires. I am a man who has always taken actions and developed habits to live ever higher and higher qualities of life. I am a man who has always had an abundant amount of value to exchange for my hearts greatest desires. I am a man who has always made excuses for why he can’t not achieve his desires. I am a man who has always loved having people stand by him.” This after being repeated over and over again over time will become a belief and will manifest itself in my life.

Thank you, Kelly Marceau, for articulating the words and publicly writing this. Much appreciation. Looking forward to the next round!

We should continue the dialogue about how we raise our boys. Reactions to being called a pussy or having someone say “man up” trigger defenses that are learned as children. So if someone you are in a relationship says things like that she is not asking you to own your shit as you said she is actually attacking you in way she should, but does not, understand. The attack is against the boys feminine side. While its great that we have spent years supporting “girl power” we have really not done the same with boys. If you want men to be self aware then allow them to embrace that side of them that is feminine. Nurturing, caring, hearth and home.

I did read your entire post though and found it read more like a personal issue within yourself rather than something on a grander scale. There are many evolved wonderful men out there. What keeps you from having one in your life? Perhaps you think to much and refuse to take life as it is. Not perfect.

This woman is probably just mad that the men who are way out of her league want nothing to do with her. Its actually a very common thing.

“We want you to actually treat women the way you would want men to treat your daughters.”

Daughters? NO.
We want you to actually treat women the way you would want brothers to treat their sisters. Same mucked up parents (ie: same mucked up shared world to gain perspective and maturity on a various levels); let’s get some level playing fields here, now.

“Daughters” still implies patriarchy and dominance (where one, the parent, deems what the other, the child, is *allowed* or expected to do), which is an all-to-common struggle in male/female relationships.

We must change our language to be brothers and sisters in this endeavor to be equally responsible for the success of a shared life.

It is possible to have been a child in one relationship and not the next. I believe that this growth begins with realisation of the need to change, a lesson that is there to learn from the pain of our previous mistakes. The problem is that (and without wishing to project) sometimes the dynamic of a relationship can be so messed up, with so much hurt and blame that it’s almost impossible to self-realise. That was when my marriage imploded, and thankfully I now can see just how it came to that point, in order to carry on growing and find a real love that isn’t based on anger and repression. Remember people: at no time does hatred cease by hatred x

This is incredibly relieving and also motivating.
It is a relief to see that there are women who want more than to be pampered, or flock to the brat boys, as you say, that are getting in fights at the bar, and boasting about their hooligan antics on fb. I have never been given anything that I wanted out of life, I have worked hard to maintain a steady job, save up to by my first NEW and reliable car, my house, and my own little pice of the hunk of dust, dirt, and water that we are sharing at this amazing time. If you think about the billions of people that have lived and died on this world, or perhaps in others, why not cherish the ones that occupy it with us, right now?
It is motivating, because it tells me that my work and GROWTH is not done. When I was in my early 20s, I was getting in fights, a lot, and thought that was how to be a MAN. I was dead wrong. I was running from, and refusing to deal with the issues of my past, that I was sexually abused for 3 or 4 years in my youth, first 1 time by a male baby sitter, and then by an older friend/neighborhood boy more often, and more continuous. I wanted to rage, and hurt, and dominate people physically the way I felt was done to me. I didn’t realize that my hurt was not as physical as it was emotional. Despite the fact that I was doing well in college, had a “HOT” girlfriend that I had been dating since high school, and a McJob at a drive through beer barn, I was losing my shit. I had drank with friends in high school, and tried pot before, but that job was the perfect place to fuel my inner demons, and then eventually feel incapable of controlling them. I was drinking constantly, popping pills and experimenting with various drugs that the patrons at my job would trade for beer when they didn’t have money or weren’t yet 21. I would party, fight, cheat, and then party some more. I was smart, so I was good at keeping my other side hidden from my close friends and parents, and even my gf most of the time. In june of 2002, I found out that my gf had cheated on me, and I went ballistic, fought the other guy, and a friend of his, threw some of my gf’s stuff off the balcony of our apartment, and got arrested before I could hurt or kill myself or someone else. I was charged with DWI, and was forced to attend a 32 week intensive treatment program, AA, various classes, and stay sober for a whopping 18 months, no big deal to me, because my willpower is impressive, if you think I CAN’T accomplish something, I WILL do it just to spite you, and rub your face in it.
At the end of my 32 weeks, I knew I was not ready to stop, I had already healed some, and it felt great. My Advisor recommended a counselor in the area for my progress to continue. For nearly 10 years, I would see Cathy, every week, sometimes twice a week, for a 2 hour group therapy session with people like me. I remained sober for the entire time. Even when my Dad passed, I didn’t drink, I had another relationship or 2, but knew that I wasn’t ready, and ended them before any one got too attached, even when I was. I learned a lot about myself, my emotions, my self-control, and relationships, but in 2005, I met a girl that I wanted, and I went after her, and to my surprise, she went for me, too. We dated until 2011, and I had proven my merit, so I started drinking again, and stopped the therapy sessions. Big Mistake!
After all that I have learned, I realize that I am still fallible, and need to get back on track. This may be the nudge that gets me back into reality, and I thank you. Sorry this was so long, but it really struck the core for me.

I absolutly loved reading this, after getting off the phone with my ex-girlfriend. It makes me want to take a closer look at my self. I don’t know what else to say other than this was a wake up call I feel I needed. I don’t think I’m a caveman but I’m far from perfectly conscious

There’s too many wrong-headed bits in that article for me to go through them one-by-one, but I will leave this: any woman that thinks that exhorting any man to “be a man!” or to “man up!” – ESPECIALLY having that “advice” coming from a woman – and thinks that will have any positive outcome or influence, is clearly a person that has next to no idea as to how the male gender actually operates. And having *a woman* advocate the use of such uplifting name-calling as “baby,” queen,” or “pussy” towards men is just… depressing.

Ms. Marceau is “consciously awake?” Please… and really, having *a woman* using these words as derogatory terms is just more evidence that our patriarchal society won’t be a-changin’ any time soon. Sigh…

Hi Kelly. I enjoyed your post. You seem to be higher up on the food chain of intelligence. Not all men or women are created equal. You have a true gift with words and an amazing ability to be in touch with yourself. There is a inner peace that prevails. Finding your soul mate and growing OLD together is not a bad thing. When you get a little older your thinking will change as you grow. What is important today is not important tomorrow. Acceptance on some level is a healthy part of any relationship. For we are only human.


Gotama the Buddha is said to have said, “Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.”

In this vein, I hope that nobody else reads this article (and that no “emotionally stunted men” ever come across you in this head space). I hope they come across women, maybe you, “Consciously Awake” and humble enough to realize that all beings on this planet suffer from ignorance. And that all beings hurt themselves and others, when they suffer from ignorance. And who, having consciously awakedly perceived this, respond with compassion.

To me, being conscious and awake are inseparable from compassion. So, where is the empathy, Kelly Marceau? Have you blasted off into the outer-space and left behind earthlings and “emotionally stunted men?”

No, compassion does not mean coddling, enabling, participating, or indulging in someone else’s ignorance to your own demise.

It does means forgiveness (cough*). It does mean having a heart of understanding. It most definitely does not mean writing a clichéd ass, hypocritical, self-congratulating, and self-interested blog post claiming Conscious Awakeness while reinforcing the same cultural rifts and absurdities it aims to destroy.

Yes, I am the first to agree with all of us that all of us should handle our shit and do inner work. Blah blah. It’s cool to be passionate about this but please don’t be stupid and miss out on the jewel of this effort and the one thing that could actually help heal emotionally stunted men and women in this society: COMPASSION.

This article is living proof that women in our culture also have a lot of work to do. Please help lead the way, because for some reason people seem to be reading your shit.

Consciousness and awareness are lame without compassion.


P.S. 🙂 Don’t be mad. All said with a friendly smile. Respect.

First off, you call yourself the good guy. You don’t know me and you missed the entire point of the article because you sound bitter about what you are confronted with when it comes to women. You obviously have never met a consciously awake women because if you had you wouldn’t be going off.

You are so angry about all the little girls you’ve dated you can’t even hear the value in what I say. You make a lot of judgments when you don’t know me. I don’t need to “deal with you.” You are not my problem. You are just a person with an opinion and if you don’t like mine that’s fine. I don’t agree with you, that is why I choose not to remotely get into your opinion.

This is a general offering to readers and commenters on this post. Part of what Kelly is addressing here are the issues we have with feeling vulnerable and ashamed. To “man up” or “woman up” is to stand and speak our truth in the very midst of experiencing the discomfort of feeling vulnerable. TED Speaker Brene Brown has two talks wherein she discuses both shame and vulnerability based on a considerable amount of research as well as her own personal journey. She also proposes an interesting distinction between how men feel most vulnerable compared to women. Definitely worth the half hour or so to watch both talks.

In addition, as the issue of “self-awareness” and “awakeness” sometimes meanders into the “metaphysical camp”, I would like to again mention two other subjects that people might want to explore further, what Ken Wilbur refers to as the “Pre-Trans Fallacy” and what Robert Masters refers to as “Spiritual Bypassing”. In general they take a closer look at when “self-awareness” or “awakeness” really is just another mask someone has donned without doing the often very, very difficult work of what Kelly refers to in her blog as “dealing with your shit”. On the one hand, it really is not that difficult to “talk the talk”, while on the other hand, it is not always easy at first to tell the difference between someone who is Actually Self-Aware and someone who is just “talking the talk,” someone who only Thinks they are self-aware, acting with integrity, etc., etc.

Finally, I would like to point out that our intuitions and first impressions of others are often Wrong! I know there is a lot of communication to the contrary in the world today, but I’m at a point in my own life where I have really begun to see the limits of any “knowledge” of another person that is not based on fairly in-depth Relating With that other person, in varying circumstances, and over extended periods of time. I have come to appreciate that our “first impressions” can be heavily influenced by neurological and biochemical “patterns-patterning” that cause us to focus in on certain qualities while ignoring others. Furthermore, our often unconscious hopes and fears provide fertile soil from which we “project” onto others, again leaving us mostly oblivious to the realities of who they actually are. Should we choose to become physically intimate with someone early in a relationship, then that adds a whole other level of biochemical “masking” and confusion of “feelings”. However, in the absence of any “face to face” contact at all, we are even Less Capable of actually seeing people for who they are, and this is the way it is with almost all of our current interactions via the internet.

And that makes the exchanges here an almost perfect case study and an opportunity for the “growth in self-awareness” we’re really all wanting from each other. In the absence of any Real Knowledge of another human being, what you assume and what you project say more about You than they do about the other person. How you chose to incorporate such “self-reflective knowledge” into your own “self-awareness” and “self-understanding” is up to you. However, if your goal is to Actually “See” and “Understand” the Other Person, then the only way you can give yourself credit for accomplishing those goals is when the other person says to you “I feel ‘seen’,” and “I feel understood.” If You Do Not Get That Feedback, then all of your assumptions, all of your projections don’t mean squat, unless, again, you are willing to use that information to develop more of your own self-awareness and self-understanding.

For anyone here who is interested, I have begun exploring more of “The Limits of Intuition”, among other things, on my blog here:

P.S. You may see some of this content (and more) in a previous and poorly edited post. Again I offer my apologies for the duplication but I wanted at least one post that could stand corrected and on its own.

Wow, that is not what I am saying at all. We do need men to emotionally grow and if you think that we don’t you need to take a serious look at yourself. You obviously got nothing of the article and that is okay. It wasn’t meant for you.

You rock Kelly. I forwarded this before knowing you wrote it. Then Sierra texted me it was you 🙂 I have been going through the exact “cleanse” you speak of in this article and am grateful for all your incisive with and truth. I like to write in a similar way and also notice how often people don’t like it bc of it’s rawness and lack of sugar coating. You go girl, love it and love to you, wherever you are these days….. <3 Romi

Johnny, So the article mentions a few things that you may want to investigate yourself. You may want to look into some self-development courses, finding a life-coach, or someone that can hold a mirror up for you on your language.

I can tell you from recent experience that as someone who is well on my journey (and I firmly believe there is no “arrived,” just the journey to improve) that I don’t find I get any emotional abuse from women anymore. I can entirely stand on my own, and trust me there are plenty of women attracted and interested (sometimes a few too many). There is a fair amount of anger in your response, and that’s something you may want to talk about further in groups or with a coach that can support you with good questions.

If you have ‘baggage’ from abuse that women did to you, that is what you need to deal with and resolve. Just like women need to do the same. ‘Check yourself’.The author meant nothing more than that. For the sake of all of us, yes, let’s all work on our ‘issues’. This is exactly what the author was referring to. Never did she say that an ‘awakened woman’ would abuse a man. She states clearly that an awakened woman would not allow a negative or abusive man in her life. That an awakened woman would prefer having an awakened man in her life. You must have misunderstood! To me, it was very clear. Abuse is never a good thing, she clearly stated it goes both ways. How could you have missed that? The whole point of this article is NOT to stick around to have to constantly tell a guy that his emotional diaper is full. It takes guts to self-reflect. It’s all in there. It’s very clear. And if you are a man who has some unresolved issues regarding women, she recommends to work on it, just like awakened women work on their issues. She never said that the goal is to call men ‘pussies’. YOU have to decide if there is a point there or if you could improve on some points or not. the whole point is to self-reflect and take a big look. Not to point fingers or abuse. It sounds like you have some issues that are unresolved. So check that, please (if you want to be with an awakened woman and have a great relationship). She also never stated that you need to be perfect. It’s all in there… and it’s very clear.

Besides, you are being very abusive to males with the words you use like ‘beta-males’… wannabe bla bla. Women don’t generally care about MEN’s descriptions of what a real man or an alpha male is. We have our own, very clear ideas about what a REAL man is. Would you honestly listen to what other males have to say about this or would you listen to what women actually think makes a REAL man? Who are you trying to impress, other men?

“Show her just how man you are”. No. The only thing you are showing with that behavior is your weakness and insecurity. She is not a threat to your manhood. She is merely challenging you to have the balls to self-reflect. Cause it is the one thing that takes some serious BALLS. This is what a woman can respect in a man. If you respond in the way you just described, she will not respect that at all. Cause all you are doing is sort of telling her that you are right cause you are a man or something silly, when it is not even about ‘being right’. It is about a man having the guts to be vulnerable and evolve. A man willing to take a hard look at himself and work on things that might be an issue. For him to know he needs to do this too. By not doing this, you are basically saying you are perfect the way you are. When you are, in the same post, apologizing for not being perfect. It’s totally illogical. Real men step up to the plate and have the grace to examine their psyche. You can’t solve everything by ‘showing her just how ‘man’ you are (not letting her in and refraining from connecting on a truly deeper level that will transform you and your life).

Anonymous has it right here. Its the real man that will address a comment of “man up!” with a response something like, “Interesting you should use the words ‘Man up.’ What are you trying to tell me by asking me to ‘man up?'” Show her the strength in the storm by playing Aikido with her words, that’s what real men do. They are the lighthouse in the storm, constant and present, not running away at the first blow of wind.

Don’t be so self indulgent. I wasn’t telling you to ‘man up’ unless you need to. I was talking to emotionally defunct men who are not accountable. If that’s not what you are, then what is your issue?

define “emotionally grow” please. in measurable terminology. and also, define “man up” let’s barter. what do you objectively bring to the table, and what do you expect to get? emotions cant be made into reality. a “good guy” starves if he cant cook.

Another thing is that it’s not that we aren’t attracted to authentic masculinity. We are. In fact, we want to connect with you much more deeply than most of you will ever allow. Is it that you are scared? My perfect man would be part caveman, for sure. But what we see is… many wounded souls. Males who haven’t been able to work through that. Again, are you scared? Cause it does take serious BALLS to go there. We WANT you to show us those balls, so to speak. It takes very little balls to hide away, disconnect, be mean, detach. It takes balls to dare to be vulnerable and feel that pain. Like I said, it’s all in the article.

It’s not fear it’s called being a man you swallow so much shit an never let it out that is what we are raised with by our fathers brothers and thier fathers before that…. Why do you think we invented contact sports … That’s how men vent .. You say men need to be awakened but you hold our eyes shut and tell us what we should be .. What you want us to be .. we are shattered in our psyche and down to our very dna with the thought of being emotional even in private probably a by product of the fact we are adjusting to the new era of equality with women .. Which in human evolution has been a mere twinkle of a star compared to how long we have been around for eventually men will be come so effeminate you will feel like a lesbian being held by one

I think you’re mistaken being emotional with emotional intelligence.

It’s not just equality with women that makes this a new era, it’s men being liberated from a template that tells them what they are supposed to be.

It’s recognizing and utilizing strengths within yourself because you can see you got them from your mother and sisters.

Femininity doesn’t have to clash with Masculinity or one doesn’t have to dominate over the other. They can strengthen and lift each other up.

Becoming more awake doesn’t mean you lose your masculinity but strengthen it and give it room to grow.

I do think the author used some strong language when describing men who need to grow up, but I believe it was more of a statement saying behavior like that will not be coddled by women trying to grow and improve themselves.

Also, she was saying if you do have these problems with emotions it’d be best for you and your life to fix these things that are holding you back before you try to move forward with things such as relationships. Just don’t be upset there’s not a woman waiting on you to do it as you do it.

There are women who are waiting for you to do it. This article is proof enough of that, they’re just not going to hold your hand as you do it because that would be the opposite of empowering you, something they’d like you to be.

“It’s not just equality with women that makes this a new era, it’s men being liberated from a template that tells them what they are supposed to be.”

Seems some women want progress and their own liberation but for men to stay chivalrous protectors, providers and old fashioned romantics for their convenience.

This is a challenging piece of writing for me but I like it. It will take me some time to work through it but I have been simmering in an uncomfortable stasis for a long time. I think your treatise is just what I have been needing to get off the dime. I hope it is. Thanks for writing.

talk, talk talk. actions speak much jouder than words, dudes.

Man up. You can be ‘lazy’ if you want, if that’s your style, just don’t be a loser. I (as a guy) am tired of hearing about your tired-assed girlfiends not being up to YOUR so-called he-man standards – so move on if that’s really the case.

Shut up or put up. 6-hour boners aside (you really did that without Viagra?), who gives a flying schnizzle? If you’re a prick afterwards and not just worn out, she’ll notice and act accordingly. You’ll already be ‘on the disabled list’ and won’t even know it yet.

Dude. WTF up.

She’s heading my way now. Why? I have a self-established “No whining zone”. Something in my life doesn’t work? I try something ELSE, until I FIND something that DOES work.

Just think about that for a minute. No whining zone. No “Waa! Waaa Waaaaa!”

Try it. See how it fits. See how your girl/s like it. Pop quiz coming up.

I LOVED every bit of this! it was like reading my own life story! you fucking rock as much as I do! Thank you from the deepest core of my heart. I felt so much connection, reading this. No words… just… thank you!

It was like reading my own thoughts and very powerful! Planning to read this daily, just to remind myself of all the toughest personal, emotional and spiritual victories I have under my belt. Time to be happy and proud that I don’t deal well with BS (anymore). Warm embrace to you.

Here i am….. Doing this.. With the deepest love and respect for all…… Bring it on. This what we have all been waiting for. No more excuses only actions. A sign of a mature soul…. Share your knowledge, brilliance, depth, truth, life is short, this time anyways
… Don’t let anyone bring you down. You are Fucking AWESOME…believe in your awakening, be this… Shine now, the time is now, get out there and SHINE….


I have been writing on this topic for several years. I think that you are right on point. I’ve been writing this from the male side for years, with a core belief that we have contributed greatly (if not completely) to the modern day woman making a masculine transformation. My main works have been in designing elements for men to return back to the course of masculinity and simply growing up. It is refreshing to see this same thought from the other perspective.

If men have contributed to women’s negative transformations than in all fairness we have to say women contributed to men’s negative transformations as well.

Men and women in every culture deserve each other.

It’s certainly not for me to judge your opinions; but I wanted to thank you for sharing and commend you on your personal growth.

Loved this piece! It gave me a new way of viewing women today. As a man who has been out of the dating scene for nearly a year I was able to gain a fresh perspective! I continually look inward to grow emotionally and intellectually everyday and since reading your article I can challenge myself more to become more. Thank You for bringing this to light! I hope you will be wildly successful in your endeavor!

She isn’t saying people are bad nor is she being non-compassionate. She is merely saying it is not our responsabilitty to awaken others. Be it female or male.

Uff. This was an interesting read. Pls allow me to share, I’ve been on both sides of the fence, and honestly relationship does takes TWO.

TWO ppl who are mature enough to know that it takes work, a lot of communications, A LOT of jokes to act as balm when speaking to something that is vulnerable to them.

But for me, the most important thing was realizing that I have to love myself FIRST. Once that happens the love that you have for yourself you’ll have for others. This is important for BOTH parties.

We all have baggage (this is important to acknowledge) we just have to find someone who’s willing to help us unpack. This my friends applies to BOTH gender. Male and female. At the end of the day, we’re all spiritual beings having a human experience.


Kelly loved your article- bang on! While reading it I thought it would be great to see you getting out there to teach this work to other women and if possible set up a web site for Awakened Men and Women, just simply a place to leave a profile or something like that and I’m sure the rest would take care of its self. One thing I wanted to ad which is something I’m seeing a lot of is; many women who have not done the Therapy and Counselling and the Growth work, who instantly think they are Awakened, because they read an article- bullshit basically, from there they feel they have the right to completely loose it every chance they get in life and just be completely – outright – out – of – control – bitches and abusive to their mate and children- every chance they get any stupid reason they feel justified, and claim they are awake- It’s pathetic, just like the men out there who are still being little kids and needing a new mommy to take care of them and babysit and are hoping a woman will complete their life. Also I feel that “Awakening” is ever constant and that even though we did the counselling and the courses and read the book’s and group sessions, yoga… it’s still not enough, we need to continuously grow and to realize no one including myself or the Dali Lama- is “there”. And the reason we are “here” is to continue our evolution as human beings. In the end it was never about you and them anyways is a quote that comes to mind… we all face our shortcomings and wins in the end- no filter, raw-fucking-truth. Without this understanding we are no where and we will get lost in the crevices of our minds and create identity’s based on this and with enough time feel like we know it all and are here to save everyone else but ourselves, it becomes a superiority complex, not an individual quest any longer, but more so- a stuck state. Thank you for your article- Blessings Kelly!

I totally agree today’s woman is getting more and more lost in an idea of being awake and not continuing to look at their own baggage, having a perspective that they have all the answers when no one really does we are all still trying to figure it out man and woman, but when women take on this idea like there shit des not stink and it’s leading the pack well it’s going the wrong way, love street is another street and I don’t see many women driving down that road. It’s firstly not looking at a man from a woman’s view point, that’s a start, because as a man, if I sit here and judge women then I come from a one sided narrowminded attude and when I put this into the world, it creates more separation. Being married for 23 years, I have learned a lot but I still am learning new things about my wife and myself, also she is still learning about me, and herself, and we are still learning about each other as we work out our shit, instead of running for the door… That does not take any courage or strength, it’s easy way out. Kelly try and commit one day and keep giving love to the areas of your self that are lost in struggle, look for understanding and open, keep opening to something bigger than that little weak ego. Which has a dim narrow minded view. It’s obvious you have not had any long term relationships, the gifts come after the honeymoon stage that’s when the real growth happens. Give until there is nothing left and your pissed and struggling and then give some more, get counseling then keep going. You might just find something bigger than who you think you are. Its called LOVE. And guess what you are attracting to you those you need to evolve, so taking an opinion and pointing fingers just shows how little growth you have done. It appears you have stopped and are pointing fingers. Every relationship will be the same until YOU get it. At that point you will find and stay in a relationship, until then the universe is showing you a mirror of YOU. Have a look its worth it.

This article is so much garbage it hurts. You actually do sound like a teenager with a lot of issues, Kelly, trying hard to prove something to herself (and the world), dividing men and women in categories with very little room for nuances. But again, people who read you or heard you don’t know you, cuz you’re so effing special (did I hear consciously aware?).

I am glad lots of people could relate to that crappy, US talk-show-worth rant.

You do not only come off as self important or arrogant, but mostly as a sad little person.

Reading this post fell like a 1st year class at the uni of bullshit, very boring and forgettable.

Nevertheless, wishing you the best and never to cross your path.

“Real women”, or men, don’t have to prove anything. You obviously do. Good luck with your issues.

I always find it amusing when people who think I am so full of shit have to tell me I am so full of shit. You feel better. You read something I wrote. What did you do?

I love it when people like you think that bashing people behind the safety of your own computer is “EMPOWERING”. Go watch IFC, cunt.

Your un-original little word vomit session says everything about you and nothing about the author. Projection. Look it up!

“The problem is a lot of you are lame, unreliable, emotional stunted, and impossible to date.”

Translation: I am out of your league, loser. Dudes like you just clog up my friends list.

Real translation: I refuse to believe that the men I truly want are completely out of my league or don’t exist, so I keep deluding myself into thinking that’s not the case.

Probably the longest article ever written in a kitchen. Now go make me a sandwich.

there are some things I disagree on but overall the message is meaningful.
The most impacting part was what was included in the link and the 3 things you should reflect on your current relationship. Good solid advice there.

sucks for those with depression anxiety etc who physically cant just wake up out of it and shes very ignorant to that. Especially how she berates them for having those feelings and makes them feel like they must not be real women.

I also don’t like how she goes and says doesn’t matter about daddy issues, sexual trauma, etc. but of coarse she’s blaming men and society in general.
Mainly blaming men completely and saying they too are messed up and that they are the reason and the men created world is the reason for our downfall. SO///don’t blame all the episodic memories of your personal history, but feel free to just point the finger at men, past and present. When in reality all the faults she named that non-conscientiously awake woman mirrored those of the men.
“Emotionally stunted MEN are an epidemic in our culture”
She capitalizes MEN as if they are the sole ones without an emotional epidemic, which I believe woman face just as much. I believe it’s just a human thing, not gender specific. Essentially what I got from some of this article MEN are pathetic for being emotionally weak, but let’s justify that woman are emotionally weak because of men, all THEIR fault, clearly not ours. Were both weak but at least US WOMEN have a reason and justification. Weak argument.

I’d actually be curious to know the actual traumas she had to deal with and how hard she actually knows it is to get past sexual/physical/emotional abuse or any mental disability. If she has gone through it and become this strong then congrats, that is very good on her part. Again though everyone is different, and some people can work as hard as they can and will still struggle from time to time.

I do like the advice she gives for knowing what your worth, what men aren’t worth your own suffrage, and how being conscientiously awake benefits one’s self as well as peers. Which were the main messages anyways.

If she (the writer of this article) is a truly awakened woman, she wouldn’t have pointed finger at men. Btw, when one points a finger to someone, 3 fingers are pointing to oneself 😉

Maybe for once, it would not hurt you to listen………… By the way she CLEARLY stated that she takes care of her own stuff. Maybe you can not read very well?

Of course I have read that she said she takes care of her own stuff but I am not convinced she DOES this actually since she is throws a lot of critics and blame to men. I value a woman by her deeds, not what she is saying. And often these are not coherent at all with many women.

Max, where you are super short sided is I pointed to real issues women have. That’s like saying if you were truly awakened you’d never get angry or see the injustice in the world. Both realities exist you moron.

Got to three quarters of this thing. Interesting ideas, and congratulations on your self perception. I couldn’t finish because profanity makes it hard to read, and is completely unnecessary. This is a critique, not criticism.


I work as a therapist and do domestic violence counseling and I talk about self awareness all the time. I love this article. If any one needs help with this let me know. Also read Deepok Chopra’ s book called super brain for me information on self awareness.

I MET AN ADAM AT 23 WHO WAS MY FIRST CONSCIOUSLY AWARE MALE IN MY LIFE!!! This is too accurate as to what I experienced in my awakening to my true self. OM SISTAR. Truly ALL ONE in this Universe! Thank you for depicting the journey with such flair, truth and wisdom. Honored to have had the pleasure and full confidence in reading this, this morning. The return of the Divine Feminine is finally here, WHOO!!!

Hi Kelly

What perfect timing! Thank you:)

I’ve had 2 marriages and a string of back-to-back relationships, followed by 5 or 6 years of being alone, except for the odd bit of dating and hot sex. Then a 7 month relationship that ended yesterday.

At some point the strong co-dependent pattern showed itself and as a psychologist, I started to look at healing myself rather than ‘fixing’ every man I was with. This led to an awareness of the victim role I chose to play in many circumstances, which in turn led to consciously releasing the ‘single mother’ banner. Acknowledgement from others for the strong, successful woman who so ably juggled business with motherhood, fed a deep inner need for external recognition which balanced out the very powerful inner self critic. It took the collapse of marriage and business to truly dig for inner strength and fortitude, to find inner worth, purpose and self Love.

Consciousness was very much a part of the new 7 mo relationship. I attracted a man on his awakening journey, which was very refreshing and intended. Tick. I also attracted a man who highly valued family and embraced my two children. Tick. And a few more lovely ticks. I also attracted a man with strong co-dependent issues and a seriously powerful inner critic. No ticks (but in reflection no surprise!:) As you write Kelly, we didn’t spend significant time together in the beginning and it wasn’t immediately apparent. I did FEEL it though, but I didn’t RECOGNISE its energy in my new state and vibration of self Love.
What I experienced, and I hope this can help others, is a withdrawal of ‘attraction energy’. I would start to feel a little turned off and repulsed. The feeling was familiar from before, but in the past, I would ignore this as my own weird stuff, subjugate the feeling and continue to please my partner.

In this relationship however, I reflected this feeling back to my partner when it happened as just that, what I was experiencing. It allowed him to surface the insecurity he was feeling and own the ‘egg shell’ syndrome you develop when you are trying to be the person you think the other wants.

But this discussion started happening too often, and then it was about ‘me going into a hole’ …WTF … so I’m out.

Yes, he is on the journey. But no, I’m not buying into the potential destination.

In reflection, to comment Kelly on your 3 evaluation points:
1) I was starting to feel a little worse about me in the relationship – I wasn’t reassuring which was interpreted as a lack of love and support.
2) I was not feeling the relationship was serving a higher purpose – rather it has served its purpose.
3) The level of respect declined as the pattern became ‘my problem’ and inherent to this process was a lack of compassion – trying to save me, as opposed to inherently understanding I need space to process, integrate and save me from myself!:)

I realized this morning that I was selling myself short had I stayed. And that I’m now worthy of a man who can receive my kind of Love.

Thank you Kelly. Your beautiful, honest, raw and vulnerable piece was just what I needed to reflect and find gratitude in both the relationship and letting it go.

Much love
Toni x

So in summary, your theory is that a strong evolved woman needs men only for sex, with “men” being plural. And if you’re rotating through the men for sex, why do you care how aware they are?

I totally agree with this guy. I am sick of women’s demands. I am fully prepared to honor and cherish. It is a part of life that I truly used to enjoy. Not anymore. Articles such as this one you have written Kelly, seem to be different at first and only end up as another finger pointing tirade the gist of which is that women are sooooo long suffering and we men are immature boys who need to ascend to your level. Here’s a tip for you:

Try dating women if you want to know the truth about women. I haven’t met a godess yet.

I don’t expect one either. I expect a fellow human being, fat ass, flaws and all. I prefer to be with people who recognize their own flaws and will work on them. I can’t stand feminists not because I hate women but because in my opinion feminists are charicatures of what they think is masculine. I could go into greater detail about that but I won’t. Suffice to say I won’t treat you as a cardboard cutout and I would very much appreciate it if you don’t do that to me.

I’ve been through my own crap with women. You don’t see me writing preachy articles about it. Hey, the problem could be entirely within me so I don’t think I have the moral authority to do that. But you seem to be… ah… fully cured of your humanity. Good for you girl.

Anyway, while you make some excellent remarks there is really nothing to see here. Thanks for the distraction though.

And now back to real life.

Ta ta.

In general, the men who have a hard time with this article appear to be the ones who should be awakened by it. The words they write strongly indicate that they are not mature enough to be in healthy relationships.

We live in a society that makes it hard for men to MAN UP because our society blames women for mens’ problems (see Genesis for example), and therefore many men have no reason to become aware. Life is easier for men in a blind world. It is truly a special man who is able to actually see what is really happening.

Although women are also often very unaware, the very state of womanhood makes it more likely that they will wake up (c.f. rape, abuse, uncontrolled pregnancy etc. not very fun). So in a sense, we are lucky for our strife, if we can take advantage of it.

The blind man sees an angry woman in this article because in this vision he doesn’t have to see the world as it is. Seeing it as a description of reality would mean waking up…and the dream of making the woman responsible for all his needs and problems is much easier because it is the pattern of his life and what he knows well (actually it is what we are all taught from very early in life).

Notwithstanding the fact that many men are treated poorly by many women, the trend described by Kelly pretty much sums up the generality of things. It doesn’t mean one gender is better than the other; we all need to wake up and find true love within ourselves.

Finally, If he is unable to see her as goddess, he is really missing out on a blissful experience, since that kind of love can go both ways! Sorry for you dude! That’s the whole key to a great relationship!

blessings to all

We are, both men and women, fallible human beings, not gods nor goddesses.

However its sweet if our partner sees us as her or his own personal god or goddess, and if he or she does, we should be humbled by that.

We are not human beings having spiritual experiences, we are spirited beings (gods, goddesses) having human experiences. It’s just a perspective 😉

Max, “We are not human beings having spiritual experiences, we are spirited beings (gods, goddesses) having human experiences.”

Sure. However we are covered by layers of avidya (ignorance) and ahankara (body-mind identification, or ego) and hence subject to faulty reasoning and making mistakes. Therefore the need to eat some humble pie, preferably vegan.

Thank you for the deep personal insights, I’d like to share that Vipassana meditation has been a wonderfully personal way to really help me understand my stuff…

Hey. Still working my way through your piece. So far, good stuff. Your three things to ask yourself about men are three things I’m planning on teaching my daughter about relationships when she reaches that point.


1). She’s never explored her emotional landscape or done inner personal work, meaning gone through extensive therapy or personal and emotional coaching.

2). She can’t own her shit, meaning her emotional issues, triggers, unresolved childhood stuff or dysfunctional family imprinting.

3) She’s insecure and projects her fear and emotional wounds onto you, but tries to spin it like you’re the one with issues.

This resembles my unhealthy relationship with my ex. Unfortunately it now has turned into an unhealthy parenting relationship… We have two boys(13&8) and he constantly talks down me and my partner of 3 years to the boys. He is still stuck in the infancy stage of emotional growth. Now he is 33, MBA grad and living back with his mom with his girlfriend who followed him. I hope he will evolve so these boys can become great men with two positive father role models in their life.

Thank you so much Kelly. Spot on and raving serious.
I hope it´s ok with you that I posted this blog on my website.
2bii Coaching For Men

I say much of this daily when asked why I am single! I could have written this myself! BRILLIANT AND DEAD ON! I have no idea who you are, but KUDO’S for sharing. Much of this can be said for all relationships including those of my friends in same sex relationships.

I hope some day we’ll meet or get to speak on the same stage. THANKS FOR THIS POWERFUL ARTICLE

– Mark E.Sackett

Thank you, Mark, the reviews are mixed, for sure. There are not too many haters, but there are a lot of people who took what I said and ran with in a very negative way. So, thank you.

So could you define more clearly what consciousness is? Do you mean awareness? I once had a Shaman tell me if I thought I was aware I wasn’t. What he meant I think was if I was focused on being aware that was the focus not the awareness

Thank you so much for sharing your life and experiences. I almost felt at times that I was readiing about myself. I am always a work in progress but I have come such a long way. And I am blessed to have an amazing man to share my life with that is consciously awake. Take care and I wish you the very best in your journey.

Kelly…thanks for saying everything that is in my head out loud! I stand with you sister.


What a rant. Actually, the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.

I’m so glad to read this article, or whathever you want to call it, I’m afraid that I don’t like to read so much, so I didn’t finish it, but I don’t need, I can see where you go, I inmensily thanks for your work and courage to became that Conscious Woman Awakened, this is what we need more consious people in the world, I will express my self without intention to do any correction or something like that, so then I go with this… “let not forget that a conscious woman or a conscious man is that one who realize that they are not anymore woman or man, and that whathever is the situation in this life as a sexual nature, we may come back again in different sex, today we are men, next life we may be women, and is not my intention to go in that matther of reencarnation stuff, but to have this bigger vision of Eternity and that the actual situation is just an ilusion as Eternal Souls, that we need to put in the shoes of others and have the capacty of understanding beyond the filter of the mind or ego, without lose the sence of Self Respect and Self Love”, any way beautiful, super beautiful, I hopw soon I can share my vsions, my realizations about this relashiontship in between women and men, or as I like to see it in between souls. Love Sakshin

Thank you for sharing your life with me. I agree there needs to be more women in the world with the correct sense of value of “self”. I am a very late bloomer, who in the last couple of years, is figuring out how strong and resilient I have always been. I too am learning I have very high standards and I will not take anymore shit. I feel I am here to love and be loved. Your words resonate with me and I talk to my girls about how to conduct themselves based on what I have discovered about myself. Its not necessary for them to figure themselves out alone like I had too. I will definitely share this piece with them.

While I appreciate your sharing…I find the appropriation of black culture, referring to women as “bitches”, and using images of thin white women to exemplify “consciously awake” and a photo of a large black man to exemplify “not conscious” EXTREMELY PROBLEMATIC. How can you call yourself conscious, awake, and self aware, and then write an article which reeks of internalized misogyny, racism, cultural appropriation and classism. There is a whole mess of unexamined privilege in this article. Lovely that you have done so much work on yourself, but take a look at the world around you.

I am a thin white women and I look like that. And just because the picture I used had a black man didn’t mean I focused on a black man. The bottom line is you were going to have a problem. So many more people got what I was trying to say and you missed it with what you chose to focus on. I am a skinny model like looking consciously awake women. Get over it.

I really enjoyed reading the article, and I think there is a lot of truth behind it. As far as I understand consciousness, we are constantly striving for equality, so I found it interesting when it was mentioned,

“You are here to LIVE and LOVE not hide under the bed. Let someone stand by you, but take some fucking responsibility for yourself. You cannot ever ask something of someone you are not willing to do with yourself.”

and then…

If a woman is bold enough to tell you she wants you or likes you, you need take the reigns dude, on EVERY LEVEL, or else she is not going to chase you, and she will start to think you are not man enough.

These two statements seem logically contradictory unless I am understanding them improperly. Why is it the responsibility of the man to chase the female after she shows the slightest interest. I mean it is obvious that you should show interest back if you would like the relationship to move forward, but why are men responsible for needing to take the reigns on EVERY LEVEL dude?

If you have only found four really strong relationships in x amount of years, then what is the rush for the all out taking of the reigns by the guy you showed an interest in? If you are so awakened and conscious, and you are able to see a light in that person, and then after a few days of not getting the perceived adequate level of response(what is that?, that could all be in your head) why are you jumping to the conclusion that the man is not “man” enough, and then moving on. That seems more like a fight or flight reaction than any kind of conscious reasoning. Are you not “woman” enough if you don’t take the reigns, if you don’t chase after a man expresses his interest?

I guess I think of evolved courting as a dance, or a give and take, without any lead. There is mutual interest, and both parties are responsible for showing their interest, and if everything is going well and both partners confidence in the relationship builds, and furthering the relationship is decided by both parties as the correct path to take, both partners are responsible for producing a mutually sustained interest.

Sorry for the typos. Forgot to put quotes on the second quote, and it should have said, “… if you don’t chase after a man after he expresses his interest?”

THIS right here is worth a DEFINITE *share*! SO on-point! I feel like you were lookin’ into my recent past life! LOL but SO grateful I’m now back on the consciously-aware side of it! 😀

With such a powerful and clear message… how can one really focus on the details?

HUGE advocate of other people’s opinions, and found the comments to your piece interesting as well.
Men…it isn’t a hit to your ego when a woman makes a point about “Being a MAN”.
If you think about it, we actually understand what it is to grasp the concept, because that is what WE desire…a man, and everything that comes with that.
Being a conscious and awake woman in this day and age has become easier than it was even ten years ago. STAYING awake, now that’s the difficult part. I suppose that’s a call for an even deeper “Self” journey? For so many, insecurities run deep.
You brought up so many great points, and thank you for the disclaimer, because let’s face it, we all have short comings and sometimes when we’re confronted, even in written word, we tend to feign innocence to what we hear or see, or feel for that matter. I find a good jolt to knock us on our ass once in a while a blessing. THANK YOU for your thoughts, beautiful soul.

Well put, Victoria. Love those jolts even when they come in waves.
This truly is a journey and recognition of the “other” as a beautiful soul is possibly the strongest affirmation of conscious evolution.
Thank you Kelly for your courage and efforts in pioneering a path to a new breed of women. May THAT also open up a parallel path for a new breed of men.
Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson and Douglas Wile offers some interesting insight into the relationship dynamics as well.

Hi Kelly,

I came across this article via Facebook – I am a woman in The Netherlands totally resonating with what you write. You are courageous putting this on paper. This is what life is about, live, learn, evolve, by owning our pain and trusting each other with it. It is about time we stand up in the middle of the mess we are and act courageously, even if we are afraid. With pounding hearts we will be there and stand up and feel life vibrating in our bodies. It is there for us, all of it, if we just refuse to settle for less. If we know things will have to die for life and that that is a beautiful thing.

I love the strength and passion that speaks from your words. Just wanted to let you know that this is a global energy you bring forth. For the past weeks I was in an online program with women from 16 countries addressing these issues, to become the woman we are and want to be and give the best version of ourselves to the world, and all the pain processing and self care that accompanies that, and addressing the sources of this hiding in the dust. I am sick of eating dry sand. I want JUICE and it is here. Courage speaks to me.

There is no awakened woman without the desire for men to counterpart her. Man and woman is the most powerful life evolving force I have ever experienced. I am realizing that this is no wonder, since life is given to us through the coming together of a man and a woman.

I high-five you from the heart and want you to know that I am connected to this energy you bring into the world and that we are working together on this global awakening.

With love, Jantien.

Consciously awake women will attract consciously awake men.

Wounded unconscious women will attract wounded unconscious men.

If you want to attract a conscious partner into your life then … become conscious.

It’s that simple.

The problem with your argument is it isn’t so simple. If it was, we’d all be awake. Even women working on awareness still suffer the pitfalls of growth and not fully understanding. There is no perfection and the journey to what people want and why it eludes their grasp and what it takes to really attract something higher is the process I am speaking to. There are more people struggling to figure it out then are conscious. Don’t make light of something very complicated for many people.

Big problem with women is that they refuse to accept accountability for the failure of their relationships or why they keep getting “stuck with losers”. Its easier just to point the finger at everyone else. Not for nothing, but this woman has self entitled, stuck up, snobby, over-privileged Sarah Lawrence College drop-out hipster twat written all over her.

I think I pretty much sent her to hell with that one, no need to add anything else.

“Big problem with women is that they refuse to accept accountability for the failure of their relationships or why they keep getting “stuck with losers”.

– We attract our equals. So if a woman wants a consciously awake, quality man (or woman)… a partner like that, then she has to become like that herself. Same goes for men looking to attract a quality partner.

However many women admit to being attracted to “bad boys”. So yeah, as long as they can handle it, go for it!

I sometimes the Universe knows exactly what you need and when you need it! Today this is exactly what I needed to hear ….. To continue an empowered journey. Thank you!

This is the first time i’ve encountered another spiritually-dedicated person that can feel the love in profanity. I often utilized a lot of humor and profanity into my spiritual teachings that i felt was lacking before.. LOVE N PEACE !!!! HOPE MORE PEOPLE READ THIS!!!!!!

So i randomly got to read this article driven mostly by curiosity to see if i ever get to read something put in a different perspective but wasn’t holding my breath 🙂 I`m glad to say it was a nice surprise and i thank you for your efforts into personal development of this magnitude and for the sharing.

Shuffling through replies i see that it is important for everyone to understand the pattern described by you is not restricted to a gender, but is a pattern for all individuals. These are stages of our evolution and, to answer to some of them, the reason sometimes we deal with people like these is to reveal parts of ourselves that need better “tuning”. We attract a certain range of people in our lives because we have things to learn from them. Once we had our lesson, as pleasant or brutal as it may be, we know how to spot them and to simply take them out of our system. But remember, the learning process goes both ways.

And sometimes it`s a wise choice to invest into a partner in which you spot potential for growth as his own growth will most likely come to serve you in your own. But, as you very well said, if the desire to evolve is lacking, bail out.

Try to imagine if your friend, at 23, would have seen you just with some potential but decided to back out not knowing u did have the desire to conquer yourself. Point is sometimes, we as individuals, need guidance and a friendly push to grant us the courage we need to explore and conquer ourselves.

I`m glad to see women daring for more and acting about it, as a man that has been relentlessly working on this it is hard to find a partner that is willing to work and carry it`s own weight. I think this is the biggest issue at hand in any long term relationship.

I wish you happy holidays and a great new year ahead with just the right amount of new!

PS. Loved the spicy language, made the article more fun to read.

I’m so grateful to have read the article, and the responses have been mostly understandable too.

I came to adulthood in a fairly dysfunctional fashion, made many a bad choice in partners, and other life thangssss, until I came to the realization that my ‘picker’ was out of order. I took about three years of life off of dating and intimacy with others to look into self and figure me out…..

I did a great deal of work towards less self loathing until I could get to self appreciation and respect. (we were extremely physically abused as kids, and all us sibs had/have very low self-esteem), I did a lot of writing, positive self-talk, etc… at the same time, I was a working single mother of two, clean and sober for over 10 years, going to college at night (graduated with a 3.87 gpa), and for two years, was a foster parent to a ‘medically and emotionally fragile’ child..

In 2000 I met a beautiful, intelligent, funny, respected man who pursued me intently. We married 4 days after 9/11. Some of his stated reasons for loving me were that I was more intently self-aware, compassionate, generous and loving than anyone he’d ever known, and cute too……

I nearly worshipped him. He never smoked, never drinks to excess despite being in the wine biz, is very well respected, and genuinely liked and admired in the local community, does not curse, almost never says a bad word about anyone (even when I think they deserve it!)…..his parents stayed married, he was never physically abused, came from a well-to-do family, travelled the world, was very well educated, etc…..

Along the way of these past 13+ years, I have found that he is much like a sponge and will soak up all that I will give him….. I love giving to him, but, sometimes I need too. I find too often that my needs are not being fulfilled, that I am not heard, my feelings are not valued and actively belittled……and that, even worse to me, the essence of me, who I am and what it took for me to get to this place of self-respect, well, he does not really know me.

It is devastating…… I am not perfect. I am emotional. I had terrible pms. I don’t keep the house immaculate, though, it is very comfortable. I’ve held down a career that has covered us when his business was slow and has always provided medical, dental, vision, long-term care, retirement plan, etc… 28 years now, and hoping to retire in less than two more.

Besides me and my job, and him and his business, we have gathered rental properties, have a small cottage business that provides seasonal employment to quite a few folks, and we are very active in volunteering for art and music events. We’ve worked one event for 12 years now, and I have a crew of over 80 that I recruit, train, schedule, and manage on-site…….

You get to a place where you are so deeply invested financially, familially, with so much history, and so great a community of friends and shared interests that coming to grips with the real fact that you have grown differently in your heart and ‘conscious awareness’ is devastating.

We went to couples counseling for 6 to 8 months last year, after I moved out the first time. I have moved out again, this time, not to an apartment, but to the home of my dreams on an acre near the river. He is not willing to go to counseling again…. says that our differences are in my imagination, and that he feels I’ve used him to get that home……… he usually sleeps wherever I sleep, but, is actively resentful, indifferent to some of the realities of life right now, such as my mother’s illness and frailty………

It is a huge dilemma. Life could be so very good between us, but, it is strained and difficult….. he came off the pedastol many years ago, but, still I loved him for his good qualities, talked to him about what I needed, tried to hear what he said……….I have tried in every way I know, to let him know what I need, and how good it could be if only we were more of a team…….. how tired and alone I’m feeling within our life together……

After all this time, I find he is emotionally stunted in so many ways. His passive aggressiveness, and communication issues have harmed every relationship that I have seen…….. not just ours, but, is the primary reason for the end of his last marriage, and has damaged his daughter through the years…

I know that I cannot make him respect me, cannot make him grow, I can’t control any of his behaviors, or make him learn empathy, compassion, or how to communicate openly and honestly…… I cannot add any depth to his character……… nothing. I hate being in this emotional place. My trust and respect have been so damaged by now that to stay married in the face of his continued stance that if we have problems, it is only in my perception and not in any action or lack of action on his part is so much salt in the wound of the love I’ve had for these years……..

I know that I can live alone. I kind of like it. I know that I can have sexual partners, or otherwise romantic partners should we completely break free……… I feel like a failure for continuing to hope that he will just stop and look into his own ‘shit’ as you say……..

It is such a shame that my good feelings are going away.

I guess this is what is meant by the “It’s Complicated” relationship status……..

Wow…when I read your story I was genuinely moved. I so relate to what you are going through as it personally resonated with me. I, too experienced a similar story with a similar sounding husband to yours…and you are right……you cant make them stop and look into their own shit. In the end, I divorced him after being married for 24 years. Am I happier? Yes and no. Yes, as I am living the life I want to and have embarked on another arm to my journey of self discovery but then no, as Ive discovered how hard it is to connect with emotionally available men and form a lasting relationship. There is so much hurt, damage and emotional complexities out there (second time around) and its hard trying to negotiate the barriers. In the mean time, Im remaining true to my path and believing in myself along the way. God bless 🙂

Brilliant writings. I’m just relieved that there are others like me out there!
I’ve been on a quest to find myself and accept and love me for years. Therapy is great!
Going through hell creates strength because it’s the struggle that makes us strong. Slapping people awake is hard work so I’ve shared it on fb!
I loved your article. Thank you.

Kelly, the article is awesome, thanks for this perspective. I see that The Man and The Woman are available for the connection you described at the post-autonomous ego development (see the link below), after getting in touch with your inner witness, inner Seer. And only after each partner do clean their cognitive/emotional unbalanced habits, accept fears, accept everything as it is, and through witnessing life and each other, they can start journeying together. I see it as the most natural connection possible. Only after connecting to our inner Love we are able to share this awakeness with others, and see it deeply in the being of our companion. At this level, everything is deep, archetypal, and cosmic, as it is. Hugs.

Focusing on gender is just another way for the ego to reaffirm itself… it’s not conscious or awake.. and it sure as hell ain’t sexy.

Wow!!! This woman needs to share this everywhere to everyone. Very enlightening indeed.

I read the article and I agree many humans have problems with everything you stated. No phobia or psychosis is exclusive to a gender or age group. When talking to ladies who claim to be “doing the knowledge of self” or “self empowerment” seems to have the same levels of selective memory like the men you put under the microscope. I have a friend who talks about the lack of integrity in men without looking into her own past and seeing the same inconsistencies. In her mind they don’t exist. This can cause more problems. Two wrongs don’t make a right. I think many humans think relationships is about winning and not losing the argument, or the power, or whatever is being contested. It seems to me that its’ not be about solving the problems in life. If being real starts with me then it should start there. I find that it so soooo much easier for many people to point out others mistakes without really evaluating their own.
I thought being conscious was about the clarity to see our total being in the environment we all live in. It should not have to wait for another to tell us…right? If it does get to that point the idea that needed to be espoused is lost. If we do have a set of rules/morals to live by it should go for everyone including yourself not just the people you met with. I have seen many self proclaimed conscious women/men that I had time to observe and communicate with shutdown when questioned about their choices in life. No one really likes hear criticism and I rarely see people “cop to their shit” when confronted even after the emotional time bomb has dissipated. Heck I’ve seen people ignore the problem even when their is clear proof of wrongdoing. I wish I could say there are these “evolved” beings out there already packaged for you and all you have to do is link with them and create a beautiful garden but I can’t. If the premise is that everyone has baggage that means that everyone has baggage. My time being a big family, being a parent, and truly loving someone had shown me what unconditional love is. And if your love of self is generated by the negative flow of someone else’s existence then you will always need fuel for the fire. And that fuel might cost you a happy effective life linked with other beings on the planet earth. Yes sometimes the world is against you but mostly it is you who gets in your own way.

Thank you for putting your truth, observations and opinions out there. I really appreciate the resonance of your words and their 21st century compatability. So good to fucking understand what you write….indicative of an awakening consciousness, the more light that pours into our lives sets us free to be successful.
I also appreciated your lack of bias, we are all deserving of fabulous relationships and if men and women ‘get it’ together it is a lifelong blessing.
Peace and Guidance.

Kelly you are fucking awesome, you have pretty much described how I am feeling right now. You hav. Absolutely inspired me to take that leap and dive into the unknown. I am awakening. Thank you.

As if from my own mind as I start stepping in deeper and stepping it up! Thank you for the affirmations, fun, and sharing your personal insight and journey dear sister.

Meow on mami, meow on. _/|_

We men only ask one thing..

don’t do to us what you wouldnt wan’t us to do to you. I’ve live tons of years with a so wannabe conscious women, yes she was conscious of her feeling, of herself and the one she loved but never of me.. yet i was supposedly the one the love the most..

She was looking far in front of her and never looked directly at me.. even if.. she was reading/learning totally the opposite in her self dev books..

She never saw what I did for her, how selfless i was, how funny i was, how nice a men i was… She never wanted to give or take care of me (like if it should always be the men who take care of the other)..

Yet she was a yoga women in ayurveda.. massaging other men with oil… (taking care of them!!)

Men we are simple.. we appreciate the simple fact that a cute and intelligent lady
give herself to us… we will do our best but our best will never be enough because after some time we become tired.. tired of giving ourselves to women who simply doesn’t care about us…. even if they say “they care” they don’t.. even if they say “they love” they don’t really.. love is in the intention you have for the other.. if you don’t have any intention of even taking the other into account.. how can you say you love him..

Tons of intelligent cool men are now fed up with approaching any cute womens. We only wan’t to puke now.. we feel so lonely, lost in tons of women that are vampires who totally believe that they are goddesses..

We are not your toys, we are not your red carpet, we are not your step to help you ascend to some goal.. we are fragile human being that live in a fragile world.. we just wan’t to share some good moments with intelligent women who will see us as we really are.

Yoga womens should really look themselves in the mirror and see how snob they are inside. Full of judgment for themselve and others..

we are all fucked up inside…yes some a little more than others for reason we can’t understand.. but the difference is nothing to brag about and the role could have easily been inversed.. this is taking the other into account.. this is real love..

you cannot say.. i love you , i love you , i love you, i love you and reject the other far away from you at the same time. This is scizophernic love.. real love is all about the intention to be always nearer to the heart of the other.. real love break down walls while fake love create them..

When there’s is no wall between the hearts.. then everything is acceptable… you can quit somebody saying you need to live something else without creating 1000000 walls to ease the breakup.. when you create that many walls and laft in the face of the other who try to destroy them.. you actually destroy everything good in the other you supposedly love..

i’m messed up now.. i can’t recommend love to anyone now.. i can’t trust any women with my heart because i know, I will never be the men they NEED me to be…

With all the power they have now, with all the online/offline dating, facebook etc… Cute womens in 2014 are all on top of their throne and they simply suck and not the good kind of sucking.. 🙂

If they could at least take the time to understand how heavy and lonely is the live of mens.. The funny things is that even if you are cute, have a good job, funny, vast, intelligent.. even will all this.. you can stay 2-3-4 years alone and you will still have a very hard time finding a worthy women… because the more interesting you seem the more you wil have to “AWE” them to be into their potential men list..

Always walking on eggshell, ALWAYS.. but they wan’t us to stay natural, to be manly, etc.. this world suck… WE ARE JUST FUCKING CLOWNS FOR YOU PRINCESSES OF THE WORLD..

This man echoes my sentiments exactly, you would be wise include this POV in future articles. Allow me too make an addendum, although Mr. “A” might not totally agree. After falling hard on my face many times, things are coming together after years of tearing down walls, therapy, growing the hell up. But I no longer seem to have all the “right stuff” to sweep someone off their feet, although I am intelligent, interesting, and funny to say the least. I am realizing the truth of real love is not falling in head over heels, but takes patience. Sometime years of growing and perhaps meeting your true love again when you are both more evolved – or finally attracting Miss Right. Men occasionally have the benefit of getting approached, while an attractive woman has a constant stream of anything you want buffet every time they leave the house (or get online) – no wonder some of us men seem insecure. I have lowered my standards to something I thought would be easier, but its not, so why not keep them high? Conscious & Beautiful, why not? But if they want a “Guru” look for the old man in the robe & everyone kissing his feet – he has seen the other side, the rest of maybe a brief glimpse. We are all only human, and the older you get the more challenging life becomes, urging that we still need more growth… its endless and tiring and a good woman can be a recharge, healthy so long as it as even exchange, nobody sucking-up too much. For every good man there is almost always a good woman behind him, we can’t deny how important you can be. A good woman can turn an airplane pilot into a spaceship navigator, and you would be lucky to be on board for the ride or take the navigator seat too. Build your love into a starship. SO, I’ll just be flying my airplane, Loving unconditionally, while I lay the blueprints for the future. I believe if there is a god she is probably female, but women should not go around thinking they are the goddess no matter what their practice is – cause if you are still practicing your yoga, your extreme dieting, your meditation, your massage school, and *can’t stop talking about it* (the red flag) – you’re not their yet! Oh look, there it goes again, the plane, the plane!

It sounds like you fell in love with a sociopath. I did too and spent almost 20 years with one trying to get him to see me. Caring for him, doing for him but he still lied, cheated abs abused me. I’m out of that now and I have faith that I will find someone that owns their emotionsl stuff me. I wish you well friend. 🙂

I agree, this sounds like what many women actually go through with men… it always saddens me too when I see it happens to some men too…..

Sounds like you have been a “nice guy” to her.
The secret of a good relationship is … keep the attraction going on. NEVER give completely a woman what she is longing for, just in bits and pieces. Always keep her longing for more, otherwise she will loose interest in you.


I can call you Kell because we know each other. I usually don’t read articles longer than a sip of coffee, but I finished the entire entry. I resonated so deeply with your words and would like to thank you for the reality check. I am in the process of ending a long on and off again relationship…your article has solidified my decision. In conclusion, technically life changing. Congratulations.

Much love and high fives for the awesome ladies of our world.


Since becoming an activist, I am meeting more women now who are searching and becoming consciously aware. Different circles I suppose. Before it was more along the lines of shopping and being fans of Sex and the City. Now it’s women who are active in environmental and social justice. Conscious people with the desire to make a better world.

Still a few questions, as now it’s become harder to see who are more aware compared to those who still have alot of baggage, but hide it better.

You pass one of these men you speak of at least once a day. Could be sitting beside you at this very moment. Could be working in the same space as you.
We have become very wise from our experiences.
Discovered that it is better to be alone than settle for a woman still making the same mistakes.
But yet, it was abusive men that planted all that mess into the being of a lady.
I have found that women have a problem letting go of the past. Continuing to trip over the past to land back on their face.
All though we have been burned so many times, we never give up hope. Those of us who are still hoping to find this lady you speak of, are as rare as the lady you are speaking of here.
It is not easy.
Could have just shared a glance. It wasn’t me who hurt you.
It is me who adores you.
Gosh, when will I find you?

Hey Kelly,

i actually dont even know how i got to read this (facebook somehow) but i have to say it was… the closest to perfection I have ever read about man-woman relations in the aspect of maturity and self awareness.

After being my entire life (30 yrs) in search within myself and women im just recently coming to serenity with myself regarding relationships and women in particular. recently I have even posting non-orthodox Q’s (with plenty of comments and debates) in my fcb profile regarding monogomy, ego, having children…

There is a lot of experience and wisdom in your words and I thank you for putting everything in order in my head 🙂

that’s it, im done sucking up 🙂 probably shouldnt have commented after so many beers but it just pierced its way straight to the heart like a sharp arrow poisioned truth. It also helped my further resolute about someone i’ve met and im sure she’s not ready for me being so ‘open’ with her whilst being confident.

OK, now im really done 🙂
peace and tons of gratitude.
B from israel

“I have even posting non-orthodox Q’s (with plenty of comments and debates) in my fcb profile regarding monogomy, ego, having children… ”

Monogamy evolved for the survival and thrival of children. Although it does confer benefits to adults as well, its main purpose is to provide a stable home and family life for the raising of one’s offspring.

Well written. You’re either a Sag, Sag Rising or have Jupiter in the 9th house.

I coach. I also use Astrology to get past personal opinions. The accuracy I’ve had over the years and experiences in my OWN life AND lives of my clients has shown me that a person with NO astrology background, will “show you their chart” if you listen to them closely and you have given me a GREAT opportunity to ‘just listen.’

My instincts tell me where much of what you shared came from and I thoroughly injoyed the read. Some I agreed with (or resonated with) more than others and delighted to see that you are inspiring others with your experiences. ( a friend i was FB chatting with earlier today read the article and mentioned me in her comment thread, so that’s how I’m here.)

I’d love to have you on my radio show one night for an interview about this “Consciously Aware Female.” I have some views on the subject as well and I am inspired to make a Youtube video on the subject myself. I’ll let you know when its up.


Good article with plenty to ponder but the owning your shit, etc
is not just for the guys
I hang with mostly ‘conscious’ folk
and its awesome to see women exploring
what being fully in the feminine looks like.
I’m finding there is an epidemic of ‘conscious’ parrots
whose consciousness is only skin deep,
speaking the lingo but eventually betraying
the fact they don’t live what they say.
I am equally frustrated with the ,conscious, empowered
Women who show up with a U-haul full of emotional baggage
that has been comoflaged with the belief they’ve actually done
(live) the work after they’ve gotten the hang of the lingo, taken a couple workshops and saw a shaman in Peru…
So the frustration of which you speak is a 2 way street.
I smiled in agreement with most of your points and advice
and I was aware that if I wrote the article (and flipped the genders)
I would have been called an egotistical dick.
Bottom line, we need more mentors in what it takes to be Conscious,
Feminine and Masculine. Thanks for your challenge to me as a guy
And your efforts in fulfilling that mentor role

To Kenji and Kelly: You may want to see what Ken Wilbur has to say about the “Pre-Trans Fallacy” and what Robert Masters has to say about “Spiritual Bypassing” as their views address the situations Kenji has referred to here.

A perspective for sure, yours at least. Having recently become aware of Marshall Summer’s work, this treatment seems pretty devoid of reasonably evolved spirituality. Owning up to one’s ‘shit’ is a pretty obvious no brainer. I certainly wouldn’t do it just to be honored for you to allow me in to your space and have sex with.

I didn’t talk about evolved spirituality. I talked about consciously awake women. That means self awareness. It has nothing to do with spirituality. And if owning one’s shit was prevalent we wouldn’t be having this conversation. It isn’t a no brainer and that is the point. The article was speaking to what a lot of women are confronted with. How you choose to interpret that is about your own beliefs and limitations. Thanks for reading.

I personally felt elevated to hear you touch on so many perspective from the feminine. In pondering each section, reflecting and realizing I have over come much of the poison society has intravenously injected into my bloodstream since I was a small boy. I thought I might say how that happened … to be blunt – Strong conscious loving Women – are how that happened. I was not only a screwed up man (Poverty, sexual abuse, Family & legal issues) – I had lost all hope in society. I was unable to see the forest for the trees, so to speak. I had women around me who are overly judgmental hags for the better part of my young life. They wanted nothing more than money and sex (money being the thing I didn’t have any of).

Then after a car accident nearly ended my life and totaled my career (on my birthday) at just 25. I moved to San Francisco … I started a new me from my broken and tattered ashes of my former being. I met a woman who was 35 at the time. Russian, extremely well off, and beautiful beyond explanation. She took me into her hands and gave me love and emotional mana. Asked me for nothing in return. All I had where my affections. As any boy would, I feel in love in a matter of days …

She and I were doomed from the beginning. Not of any short comings of her own. Only because I was a emotionally stunted man. Clingy, low self esteem with Anger issues. I began my real growth after, her and I, had said our goodbyes (pleasantly).
I began to investigate a new awakening of my consciousness. It has been a long journey. After meeting that woman. I knew what I wanted and now needed to learn how to get it. In my many years since, I have grown light years ahead of where I was at 25. Thanks to not just one woman, but all the Divine goddess figures who have instilled there faith and belief in my spirit. helping me to make the decision to quit listening to the demons of failure and to them I say thank you. It took me years to recover from my injury’s (mental and physical (some will never go away). I can now say that I would not change any of it.. it has helped me to be the Nomad and to find my truest self. I would have never met these women or had the life changing experiences I have had If I had settled down in my country Redneck home town.

To all you women who are consciously awake. If a man can hear your voice … feel your touch (and is not dumb as a box of rocks). You can make a difference in his life.

i thought i’d leave you some feedback
although i enjoyed your article and agreed with loads of points, i have to say that you sound quite angry and also a bit arrogant for the Consciously Awake woman you are claiming to be.
for the rest of it, really valid points of view, so thanks for it!

Consciously awake relationships are definitely where it’s at … And yes it does require a great deal of inner work to be able to have them. Even so, when doing edge play ego can rear its ugly head. So it’s helpful to talk about these issues with the people in our lives ahead of time and have agreements about how we are going to handle it when this happens … unmapped territory … excited to see how it unfolds. Thanks for the article 🙂

Self development should be on the forefront of any individuals mind, but I feel as if the last half of this is more likely to create a generation of angry and resentful women than it is to help develop them in any way. Patience and understanding has to be apart of the relationship on both sides. The idea that women are supposed to be on some kind of pedestal and sift through all of the guys that come their way is just not correct. It can’t be made to such an extreme where women deflect guys that may be good. Im not big on clingy relationships either, but it isn’t a matter of “BEING A MAN”. This concept of masculinity is an unnecessary social pressure on boys and men of all ages. It is neither the girls job to be chased or the guys to chase. So much that is wrong with this world could be fixed if society started to change the way masculinity is fundamentally considered. Being a guy, I do prefer a chase. There is nothing like the feeling of getting someone I have invested time and effort into obtaining. The ones that spark that initial attraction are the best and I refuse to settle for anything less. Still though, it should always be approached from a mind of self development and consideration of what the relationship has to offer each person. Different men and women want different things. A good article in many respects, but it is only your opinion on what you want guys to be like for you.

Kenneth, what you might have missed is I was speaking to something a lot of women deal with. It was not an all encompassing article. It can’t be. It’s not a book. It was about something very specific. I am sorry I didn’t go broad enough for you. I write a lot of articles and I build on topics. I cannot divulge everything in one piece.

So I agree with some of the stuff you said, but some of the ways you talk about men is rather one-dimensional and a touch mean. It doesn’t show a whole lot of understanding and it looks maybe like it’s coming out of the fact that you’ve been hurt before (we all have). S’cool.
Also, we’re all on some path of progress that is entirely our own and goes on for our whole lives, so to speak about humans in this ‘got it or don’t’ sort of way is a little short-sighted; there will be many things in ten years you’ll feel you were not ‘awakened’ to at the time of this writing.
One last: I have had beautiful relationships with women who are emotionally-stunted or maybe lost or generally having a difficult time and it can be really cool to be a part of someone learning how to love, which, sadly you would miss out on if you only graced people who ‘get it’ with your presence. There have been many women who showed me how to love and it wouldn’t have happened if they only had time for people who were all completely ‘awakened’ or whatever.
Just my thought. Thanks for writing tho.

yes i can finally agree with some people here…
i think you will never get awakened men if you scream at them about how not awakened they are… i’d say you’d rather choose who you are with and focus on the positive side of things, preaching what you’ve learned only.
also, why using all that bad language all the time? i’m not well spoken tbh but i find it quite aggressive for an article like this when talking about awakening.
also, i quite agreed and thought some points were really good.
but hey, does awakening come with a chill pill ? 😉

Awake doesn’t mean the absence of profanity. It’s profanity and it is calling out a very distinct group of men women struggle with. If you don’t fit into that category, great. It wasn’t for you. We are living in the 21st century, profanity is not the anti-christ.

I totally fucking agree, and LOVED every word of the article, which employed PERFECT profanity. It’s called emphasis and makes people NOTICE. Beautifully composed and concise … understandable. People can now put a finger on what’s needed and what the problems are. I also hear and deplore the comments about the fakes who are all around us; I agree that at least they’re trying, and that everyone deserves love and encouragement to take their particular journey. But MAN we don’t have to have them in our daily lives sucking out our energy! THANK YOU <3

This was meant to be in reply to Shirley van Straaten’s comment! (glitching here, sorry)

I like profanity…it makes me happy 🙂 (and reminds me I am not a Morman.) To people who can’t handle it…I say FUCK that.
“Big Gulps huh, well, see you later!”

Marty, I was speaking to what a lot of women deal with and don’t like. What people fail to understand is a single blog is not going to encapsulate everything. I was writing about something very specific to demonstrate to men and women what not to put up with. It was an aspect, not a complete picture. Some of you readers don’t get that you cannot touch on everything in one article. I was writing about what a lot of women deal with. I listen, I observe. I apologize if it seemed one dimensional. I was speaking to something very specific for a reason. What you wanted beyond that could be addressed in later articles. My write articles. I am not writing a complete book.

And Marty, I wasn’t trying to be mean. I was being honest. Some guys are not cool and I needed to get it out. It was directed at you personally. It was just honest.

I think you meant to say ‘It WASN’T directed at you personally’ Kelly? Great article loved the raw truth of it and getting real and responsible and yes it’s only an aspect, otherwise you might be writing forever 🙂

Whenever anyone questions your negativity towards men in this piece, i see their point, but also yours. The fact of the matter is: that men and women BOTH need to learn & take these hits without having this hateful undertone in reaction. A lot of the things you’re calling men out for, MEN REALLY DO NEED TO FIX! It’s true. Men need to be solid enough to take that hit, and make the necessary corrections towards bettering the entire situation. Part of being a man. There’s going to be negative hits on both genders, and one of the MAIN POINTS was how we need to get over ourselves, reflect, and understand why we’re being called out in the first place. No excuses that “men are too hard-headed to get the depth of real life” and no excuses that “women are too sensitive to deal with real life realistically”…

Its time for everyone to grow up, man or woman…or just be single until they do, so they QUIT f’ing up the lives of others. It reminds me of Zombie movies because someone is literally infecting someone else with their dysfunction which can sometimes be very hard to cure. (just my perspective).

I believe there IS a way to defend yourself without being “defensive.” And I believe that’s what you’re trying to explain to this reader, is that it’s just YOUR OPINION or the opinion of many women. and HE’S SAYING it’s just YOUR OPINION on something lots of girls have to deal with… sounds like the “same thing” but really he is saying this is YOUR view of the world. It may be the same as many women, but every single person reading this has a different view. I even know women who would disagree with some of what you’ve written. And different variations of relationships work for different people. It’s mind-blowing what makes some folks tick.

So, you make some great points, the reason this gets so complicated is because there’s no *perfect recipe* for any one person, LET ALONE 2 PEOPLE (a relationship). Even if this WAS “a book” it couldn’t sum it ALL up. I do appreciate your time in trying to help those who have no idea that life is this deep.

Lets all just try to live, love & chill!!!

My name is Ben Schrolucke. I must admit this whole thing took me a while to fully grasp. But then it was like the light went on and suddenly I felt as though some (if not most) of my attitudes, actions and behaviors were being brought into the light. For a very long time I’ve been dealing with the same behaviors as the “Not fully awakened child of a man”. Always wining, complaining and blaming everyone but myself for all my shortcomings. I too have been greatly hurt in the past by family, potential life partners and other currcumstances but those things in no way give me the right to prance around like a bitchy diva would and bully my way through the day to keep people from getting close to me. So in closing id like to say thank you for your literary real ness and if this article only just makes people question and challenge there perceptions of themselves to make positive changes….then this article was a true success. Thanks to the writer for the courage to be brutally honest for the world to ponder. God bless you all in 2014 and may his love and grace shower down on humanity.

“There will be many things in ten years you’ll feel you we’re not ‘awakened’ to at the time of this writing.”
Your reply was very conscious and compassionate – really resonated with me. Thank you, Marty.

I am totally fascinated with what you wrote and would like to know more about ‘how to love’/’how people love’…

As a 67 year old 3 time divorced male, I find that your article wasn’t just written for the women. 23 years ago, I divorced for the 3rd time, this time from a bi-polar alcoholic. It would have been easy to put the blame for the failure of our marriage on her mood swings and irrational behavior, but instead I realized that I had married the exact type of woman that I deserved. I was raised in a dysfunctional family atmosphere and grew up thinking that dysfunction was normal and acceptable, and therefore chose partners {unconsciosly} that operated on that same level. Under those guidelines, meaningful relationship are unsustainable. So I decided to avoid romantic entanglements until such time that I could deserve the type of partner that I truly wanted. Here I am, 23 years later, still single and unattached but with more female friends than in the previous 44 years combined. I’m ready to build a relationship again but am not impatient about it happening. I have made great strides in my personal growth because I woke up to the need. I believe that we all get basically what we deserve so the effort needs to be made to deserve more. Now, more than ever, men and women are aware for the need for self conciousness and growth. Thank you for this beautiful personal expose, it resonates with me on many more levels than I’m able to communicate.

Ken, thank you for sharing. I truly believe that what you personally belief about love and relationship is what you gravitate toward. Relationships show us our own personal heaven and hell. I believe that if you take care of yourself and love yourself and give you what you need then enjoying someone else without requiring them to be something for you makes for a nice relationship. Sometimes I like to get out a sheet of paper and write down what is cool about me. What I personally like and what I need to work on and it helps me to see where I am. All of our stuff and shadow comes out in relationship so the more you know about your own struggles and personally address it the more likely you are to attract someone on the same page.


Great article, thank you for your thoughts and writing! As a man who loves women for the beautiful, complex, fascinating, organic souls that they are, I applaud your call to other women to get and stay real and focus on relationships with others who support that. 1000%!! I did feel a bit of ‘hey, “9 out of 10” is a bit harsh’, but I take your point that this is just one article from a specific point of view, and that for many women it can seem like finding a guy who is even a little bit more evolved than a teenage chimp is one in a million, forget about one in ten!

I’m sure you’ve probably read this book, but in case you haven’t, I would very highly recommend David Deida’s book “The Way of the Superior Man”. This book helped me immensely in understanding more about women, but more importantly in understanding what it means to be a man, as in really be a man not a boy. I took a lot of your article to be saying, “ladies, grow up, stop being girls and be real women, and find a man who loves your for that!” and Deida’s book is much of the same from the man’s point of view — saying “Guys, grow up, be real men, treat women with respect, care, love and wonder, and you will find a woman who loves you for yourself” as opposed to a woman who just wants to be taken care of, or wants to take care of you. In any case, great book, highly recommended!

I also like your specific idea of writing down “what is cool about me” — what you like about yourself and what you need to work on. If done honestly (which isn’t easy) that could be a simple, effective mirror. I feel fortunate to be part of a small group that meets regularly and within which there is a very high degree of trust — you’ve given me an idea to try doing this sort of reflection with the group. If done with care, I’m sure it could be very powerful.

Again, great article, well done!

One stops making exsuses and stops looking for easy ways out and decides to confront every falseness within oneself

Learn to question thyself. Religion may help if you are really stuck in your ways. The more enlightened can advance to spirituality. But it takes practice. Start by controlling your surroundings, what influences you the most( media, food, anything distracting)

By thinking, questioning, reading about how the brain and ‘thinking’ works, how the body works and how psychology works. By realizing that lots of things we believe to be true are actually illusions, by basically ‘stepping outside of the matrix’. By starting to think for yourself and to go as deep as you can to find the truths and answers. By becoming more authentically ‘you’, instead of being as others expect you to be. By challenging yourself to keep growing and evolving as a person, as well as to become more fluid, spiritually and to seek wisdom. By having the courage to walk and pave your own path, even if it goes against the grain. By being mindful, in the moment and truly alive… By un-programming yourself and cultivating your thinking. By creating the thoughts you want, that can fuel your life in a better way. By critically looking at yourself and the world, challenging yourself, Etc.! In this context… by being truly honest with yourself… by being truly loving to yourself. By seeing all the dynamics clearly… by being conscious of what is happening in a relationship or conversation and within yourself (and others). Sorry, don’t know.

I completely agree !!And it is for that ..maybe..i am alone and happy today!! I don’t look for mister wonderful and i love and respect most of all life and freedom..Sometimes i wish someone really nice to share his good energy with me..i have 2 sweet little dogs so far and they teach me many..many..many things everyday..I really appreciate your script!!Great!!

You sound like what I write about… I love you for the lack of fear you use to process your information. I would love to meld with your mind. I am here for great things. I don’t need to add anything to what you know but I would like to ‘create’ a reality that uses the knowledge you and I have. Sorry for making myself so vulnerable… I live what you speak man or woman!

To me i was brought up old school. I respect women I would never hit a woman I treat women very good My hole family was in the Marians so respect is one of the biggest. Things and trust i was with my x wife for nine years never cheated on her but shr did. To me yes i still have a hard time trusting. Women. I no i got to let that go i just dont want to get hurt again iam looking for a girl i can be with thats is like my best friend also understands i have to boys iam a single. Dad but i am also. Looking for a relationship. Were there is no fight i no thats very hard but i dont fight or yell i walk away as a mma. Fighter i hate fighting with my mouth i just wanted to post this and hear the feed back i think iam a simple guy to be with but i also think i iam to nice?

Great article, Kelly. Good to hear these words from a woman’s perspective.
I wrote a blog recently addressing some of the points you made, going a bit deeper into relationships dynamics from a psychological perspective based on my experiences (including psychotherapy):

a little excerpt:

“The universe and life draw people and situations into our lives to deal with the personal unconscious, the darkness we need to make conscious in ourselves, before we can attain any higher spiritual states. Relationships are very powerful and challenging in that regard as we engage in the dance of shadow projection, triggering unconscious childhood wounds in each other.
Intimate relationships can act like a fast-track in spiritual development, like a catalyst, because much of our unconscious shadow can easily hide as long as we avoid relationships or endlessly look for the “perfect partner” who will never appear. On the other hand, some of us go from relationship to relationship, afraid of being alone, not integrating the lessons from past relationships and constantly looking outside of ourselves for love and fulfillment.

In this day and age, relationships are very challenging, especially for the ones who seek truth sincerely within and without, stepping out of complacency and conformity, not playing by society’s rules, expectations and conditioned desires. We have to pay with ourselves, confronting the predator and shadow within first and foremost. So sometimes people and situations come into our lives that play out what we have been hiding all along, only for us to recognize without blame.”

“The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner opposite, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposing halves.”

– Carl G. Jung

Very well written. I’d like to believe I work at this everyday. Yes I have my days where I must back up reorganize and get my shit in order. We have all failed in a relationship and from that we need to learn. I sure blew it a couple times and it in fact made me regroup. I hurt my first wife because I was immature and with out feelings for others. I was self. But I too realized that and started working on being a better me. When I met my present wife 33 yrs ago she told me I was her knight in shinning armor. Because I did HEAR her. I made her feel like the woman she is. Oh I have to work at it to this day and at times yes it can be hard. It does help to listen to your inner self fix that and move forward. No job like this is ever done. Love is a work in progress. Thank you

Thank you Kelly for writing this. I felt good reading this article which made me realise that I am not the only one out there feeling the way I do.

Hello Internet stranger… and Welcome to planet soul! 🙂

About after halfway through the article felt a little repetitive (or it got into the head), but the first half is really truly minted GOLD. A lot of this stuff is so simple (once you “get” it), yet so profound, that words don’t always do it justice… so for myself especially, I’m trying to learn how to say it simply and sweetly from the heart.

Thanks very much for your very aware share.

Dear Kelly !
A real pleasure to read you …after a fantastic man (drowning in his emotional childhood)and after 4 girls with him and after 22 years i am so happy to be the woman i am …in spain they say …mejor sola que mal acompanyado (better alone then bad company !) Not that i am lonely …i feel free to choose the No bullshit person ….and be the full woman in me ….just have to watch not to get tooo hard shelled …wishing you a Happy New 2014 xx

Raaaaa, thanks for this. Really resonates with me and I’ve been sharing it with my girlfriends to inspire them too. So great to read this and think ‘yes!’ and to realise that until the right guy turns up we wont need to waste our time with the guys that are faffing about and can’t recognise what a catch a consciously aware and empowered woman is!!!

I am so glad that some of you really grasped what I was conveying. Some people told me I am angry, lonely, bitter, and sad. I want my women to stop putting up with bullshit and I wrote this mainly for women to see it on paper. Sometimes identifying the problem helps women see it for what it is. I wasn’t trying to berate guys as much as I was telling them what we struggle with. It is important to put it out there.

Perfect. This is exactly what was conveyed and in a very powerful way, so thank you so much! I totally get this because it is exactly where I am at too. And it’s seriously the very best place I’ve ever been. There is no bitterness. This is what WHOLE is. Close enough to it, almost there.

It is possible to get to a level of growth and healing, to where you don’t know the fear of loneliness anymore (fear, which only holds people back and keeps them trapped in situations that they don’t really want). There can be merely brief moments of remembering the fear. But it’s a bright and good, good place. A very loving place too. I can tell you that much. There can be moments of remembering anger, remembering what it felt like to be bitter or hurt. But those things have given room for complete… I guess inner peace and a level of feeling alive, reborn and passionate that I have never experienced before? Don’t even know how to describe. Just feels like…. being on the top of a huge mountain that very few people have climbed? With an amazing and clear view that is far and wide? But I think, to most people, it sounds scary… the thought of being ‘alone’? At least this is where I am going very soon and who knows what lies even beyond that. But all I want is to love and reach out. Not out of loneliness, but to truly love, connect and let the light shine. To anyone who might need it. I think that is what lies behind this article too: compassion. It’s not about blaming anyone. Compassion and a call out for help. So I can tell you that you can be alone and not be lonely. In fact…… I have felt very lonely in relationships that were not working out. Lonely because of abandoning myself. I feel really connected to myself now. It’s the one relationship that needs to be right, before all others. Also feel like I have true freedom because I don’t let myself be limited by the concepts created to keep fear at bay. But OK.. most of the time I’m just a clumsy human like the rest of them and trying to have a fun time 😉 Improvising…

I believe that there are more forces at work here that this piece does not fully address. Women have always had “power”. When the Women’s Rights movement happened (a necessary mov’t) women gained a higher status in society. In recent decades a shift was made. Men were encouraged to be more feminine beta males while women turned to a more “alpha”, masculine approach. This is when things became scrambled. Today, women, who have always had the power of allure, now have a twofold “power”. Unfortunately, they are no longer satisfied with the pansies that they encouraged men to be. Moreover, the backlash will result in a male revolution the likes of this planet has never seen. Women got more than they bargained for, and honestly, they have been driven a bit batty because they are delving into an area once exclusive to the male. It has caused the modern woman a great deal of stress. Be careful what you ask for. When the new male stands up, many, including men, will be left behind and have no option but to submit. Stay tuned.

There is truth to what you say Neo, it is in fact a pendulum. You’ve definitely touched upon some areas that are currently painful in American society today, gender roles are very confused, men don’t know how to act, the father’s role is confusing, and a lot of fathers are nonexistent. Instead of emotional intelligence, we get emotional dependance. Would love to engage more with you Neo.

+1 Neo, Kelly, amazing writing.
I’d like to know why this conundrum that has been point to happened and what’s next:
“Women’s Lib made women more masculine, not feminine. … I personally feel is about to come to a very big HEAD.”

In so many other cultures where I’ve lived/ traveled women who want to be powerful become more feminine. They are politicians in red dresses, they are CEOs who wear pink scarfs and lipstick. When they call out an A-hole it’s done with sass and class, red fingernails gleaming while the A-hole shrinks into their shoes being cut to the quick with truthful words, not barking like a drill sergeant. They wear the “pants” in the family, make decision etc., while wearing a skirt, not pants.

Why do women in the US want to try to steal power (verses bring it forth from within) from men by acting like the thing they don’t like? Why do women push men to be gender-balanced then hate on them for not being super-yang?

Hey Eric, VERY GOOD QUESTIONS!!!!! Another guy friend of mine asked me the same thing the other day!!!!! There is some punishing for the oppression going on, there is no doubt about that. I cannot personally speak for women in other cultures, but I know that in America a lot of feminists used masculinity or what they viewed masculinity as to become stronger. You are absolutely right, you can be a powerhouse and be feminine and I think that women are learning this. There is a lot pain around the oppression that women faced and that feminists fought for. It’s kind of like the victim becomes the victimizer role and that is what you are seeing. Part of me writing that article was saying I don’t want victimize. I am taking personal accountability for the ways in which I have become hardened and am choosing to soften. A lot of people harden when they are burned and it takes awhile to see that you become the very thing you hate. I was not trying to berate men for not being super yang. I was trying to speak to a demographic of males that don’t value emotional growth. You have to understand that there are a lot of men that could give to shits about their emotional growth and it is frustrating, just like it is frustrating that there are women out there with double standards. All my article was trying to do is tell men that we women need them and we need them to value emotional growth and their is a consciously awake woman who can honor herself enough to ask for more of herself and men than emotionally potty training guys. Thanks for your questions and insight. I could turn this into an article.

First place i shared was Bill Ballards FB , Dynamite lol
Causing great debate and is now coming back to me on FB , so its gone around the world, big oneness blessing to you

Well spoken Kelly!! A life lesson in one great piece! I admit that I am an emotionally fucked up man, I’ve never thought of anyone being above or below me! But I wasted 25 years with someone that I thought I could change, but in reality it was myself that needed to wake up…

Loved the read and gonna share it with hopes of awakening at least a few more people! Thanks! 🙂

Thank you for sharing Daniel. We are all messed up. The best you can ever do is try to be the best version of yourself you can be. Effort means a lot. Taking responsibility is important to. Thanks for reading and for sharing.

you just missed out a sign he is still potty training, he is over 40 and lives with his mother, no matter what his excuse/reason

What if he is over 40 and his mother lives with HIM, because she does not have the resources to live on her own?

The most awake – SERIOUSLY awake – man I know lives with and cares for his Mom

I’m glad to see another awake person. After reading this article, I heard a lot of away-from language, stuff that you don’t want in relationship. That’s a great starting point, and what is it that you do want in relationship? What are the qualities of masculine that you feel that you and other Awake Women want?

Part of the difficulty of writing an article about such a broad topic is I cannot get into everything. Women complain a lot about men and though I chose to get into what women struggle with, what they want is basic and I didn’t get into that at great length but I did address this in a big way. Awake women want men that are growing themselves emotionally. It is very challenging to have a relationship with someone who cannot acknowledge their shortcomings or what they struggle with and I wrote this to illuminate the challenges women face. I will write an article more in-depth about what you have requested. It’s not a book, it’s an article and I have to build slowly. Thank you for reading.

Only fucked up women want to babysit or play mommy, the rest of us want the real deal and evolved men.

You lost me at this point. I like being mommy somedays and other days I like being a volunteer Firefighter.
So am I only half fucked up as you put it. Some women are happy like this why is it so wrong.


I have been writing on this topic for several years. I think that you are right on point. I’ve been writing this from the male side for years, with a core belief that we have contributed greatly (if not completely) to the modern day woman making a masculine transformation. My main works have been in designing elements for men to return back to the course of masculinity and simply growing up. It is refreshing to see this same thought from the other perspective.

Why would you want to play mommy to your man is the question? I wasn’t talking about your kids, I was talking about playing mommy to your man.

I think what she meant was ‘play mommy to a man who has the emotional capacity of a boy’. As in… to try to push a man to evolve, when he wants to stay where it feels emotionally safe (and not evolve and grow). I don’t think she meant that we can;t be nurturing and loving females by any means. In fact, I think that is far from what she meant.

Thank you for the Reply. Yes the journey of emotional maturity and self-discovery is an important one for the Masculine, and Feminine. For both genders and sexual expressions, developing the emotional maturity to look inward for answer and reflection is incredibly valuable and sexy. My own journey started with a woman I dated for only 2 months before she kidnapped me and took me to a workshop that hooked me into looking into dealing with a lot of past stuff, my own place in this world, and especially how the language I use internally and externally can affect my own being and others.

I agree with you that once the eyes and spirit are opened they can’t be closed. The spirit wants to only expand, not contract.

Extremely well written piece Kelly. It speaks to the human condition and our need to be in continuous growth and self awareness. Stagnation and compromise kills the human heart and soul. It makes me think about all my past relationships and how I settled so many times. Well I’m done with girls and like you, I welcome being alone but not lonely, with the occasional mind-bending romp 😉

A person feels able and secure as long as what they have contributed TO them does not exceed what they contribute back. Relationships are built on communication and trust. Without proper communication there is little chance of success. The accumulation of “witholds” is a relationship killer!

Hmm… A bit difficult to know where to leave my reply, but this is in reply to your article. Fucking ace!!! My ex girlfriend sent me this and it is a master piece ha ha!! I have been asking women left right and centre about what the hell is going on inside of them and how and why they see things so differently + doing a bit of reading and this is probably the most crystal clear article I have read on this subject, so thanks for that. I find women infuriatingly difficult to understand sometimes so I kind of just decided to look at my own shit and half. give up understanding theirs for the time being, but in here I see a bit of hope ha! So true about the immaturity of us guys, I see it in others and felt my self a bit wiser and more insightful but I am happy to say that I have also got some serious Peter Pan issues etc. At least I feel there is a way forward now. Your mission to empower women in the way you describe is essential, about time! I’m fed up of this rediculou

Ran out of space I think. So interesting, relationships are teaching us to relate to what is of true value more than anything. 🙂 🙂 :). Please let’s have more men and women that can go beyond petty, stupid meaningless preoccupations with superficial ideas and concepts and can live a full life full of passion and love… And learning

Buy a book called Way of the superior man by David Dieda, it will teach you a lot about women.

Good call, Angelina. I know David Deida personally, and have read many of his books including that one.

Very good. Thanks for sharing your article, Kelly. Food for thought. Self awareness, emotional growth and self healing is important for both men and women. Perhaps we (men and women) can help each other? Starting with ..unconditional positive regard? Patience.. with ourselves and others? Accepting emotional connectedness as strength rather than weakness? Accepting imperfection as part of perfection – as part of nature? And nonviolent communication – communicating about needs rather than attacking character? (Marshall Rosenberg) –

A useful self policy I have found is “I only allow into my life what comes with peace, love and harmony.”

Kinda like the ‘Law of Attraction’ – which is based on the principle of resonance – you attract what you think about (= electromagnetic waves you send out).

Make no mistake, a few ‘bluesey’ chords can seriously ‘jazz up’ a life composition. It’s all a question of balance.

my sista…I’m still trying to figure out if i unconsciously write this blog in my sleep …..this is me ..all of the stories you place on this very blog are the exact thoughts i have been dealing with in my head for years ….i can’t tell you what a relief it is to actually find another human like me …i too am a gemini and very consciously awake ..and most of the time i struggle to keep friendships and relationships because of the ignorant shit house people who surround me ….i have been married for 14 years …still married didn’t think i would of been 3 years ago when i finally got the fuck out of some kind of force fed mold that i was trying to fit into … when i broke free …my attitude toward life changed and so did the way i treated people namely my husband ..he got scared saw me as strong and able ….you know what he fell to his knees and was so happy and begged to stay in my life ..he became awake also…..this had nothing to do with money or looks or any of that superficial crap this was love respect and everything i thought it would be once i loved me first…i gave the boot to bitches that wanted to fuck every guy for fun and cheat, lie and backstab me and themselves ..Reading this made me feel alive and more woman than i ever could be thank you

an unnatural dopamine release could mean you’re playing host to a parasite named t.Gondhii,researched by Flegr.t.Gondhii has 4 genes dedicated to the production of Dopamine in the human brain to give you that “ooh everything is just fine” till you reach bottom without the help of substances,women react totally opposite when offered this possibility than men,to give you an example of how intelligent this “agent” is, a rat playing host will find a cat sexually attractive and sacrifice themselves to it,how many women do you know who have cat litter on the floor in their house,pet bowls outside visited by raccoons,opossums,rodents,roaming pets ?? to give you an example how insurance companies and doctors and clinics love a good mis-diagnosis,the reported number of Lyme’s disease cases is around 30,000 a year,one of the chief researcher’s says the real number of actual cases a year is around 300,000.Thats a lot of money for repeat Dr. visits and anti-biotics that don’t work.The best medicine is preventative.Black Walnut Extract or Grapefruit Seed Extract when you return from a foreign vacation or cruise,and if you know someone with Chronic Lyme’s tell them it is now being CURED with Intraveinous Silver at Hippocrates Health Institute.Please read in Atlantic magazine about the Cat feces parasite research done by Flegr. If your living on the West Coast or a mile high in US you need to start practicing the yoga postures that fill & flush the Thyroid,get your ReaL’ iodine from Tibetan salt or Redmond salt or Dulse seaweed from the Atlantic,practice the charging of water from Medicines of Light by Hathors and please tell other women that the time to prevent radioactive damage is now,search Zeolite and fast at regular intervals.


You mention how Kelly’s comments are so off – but yet you support the very point of her message with your first few sentences. I think Kelly is 100% correct about men needing to grow up in our society. She has every right to broadly bash men, because her argument is well supported by her perception. She also mentions how she is on a journey of growth and completely admits her flaws and her humanity. This gives her humility. Yes she writes about how others are in a different place that doesn’t coincide with hers. But she is giving men a chance to recognize that they need to set their own course for personal growth – and that alone should help them become the man they were meant to be.

However, in your defense, you make a VERY valid point. Women finding happiness every day at the cost of another man going through life trying not to be a dick is all too common. And I’m in 100% agreement with you, but to conclude that she is this way by her writing is making a huge assumption & invalid. AND For you to assume that she has a ‘constant’ anger by her spending a few hours a day writing is a BOLD conclusion. Perhaps, she uses her writing as a release. As a painter would paint furiously (but beautifully) in an emotional outburst. It’s unfortunate that you’ve viewed this as an outburst and a ‘vent.’ In my opinion, the very emotion involved in this, is why this article has exploded. It’s bold & honest.


I disagree that she is blind to a man in progress. She notices a man in progress but wants you when you are done. That’s the whole point of being consciously awake is. We are already there, we aren’t going to wait for you to catch up, hit us up when you are done, if there is still room, then game on. If not, good luck on your progress. I have a lot of male friends that I love to pieces, some of them are ex’s, all of them are in progress. I love them and their kids and am part of their families, even those in relationships now, I can be supportive without wanting to be involved romantically with them. That’s the difference. We see the man in progress but wait for the man who is done. Its not a rejection, although weaker men take it that way and call us arrogant. Its understanding where we are personally and how far along in our journey we are. Sounds like you aren’t on the same word/sentence/paragraph/book/shelf/bookstore. Its not blindness, we see your progress bar very clearly in fact, its the unwillingness to hold ourselves back while you are still trying to figure it the fuck out!

There is no “Done” Never is, as soon as we are “done” we are lying 6 feet under. I’m only far enough along that she can meet me in her own process and we can proceed together, or not.

I’d like to add one of my own perceptions. I’m sure you wont agree but I feel debate is important.

The truth is that no one is ever done the process of awareness. It’s a life long endeavor and to arrogantly tout that you’re fully aware and aren’t interested in waiting for others is just taking pride in stagnation.

Personal growth is infinite.

I believe personal growth is infinite too.

For me part of being aware is understanding you will never know everything, but you can understand everything.

Just like you don’t know every word in the English vocabulary but can understand and speak English fluently.

I never said we were done growing, I meant we were no longer “in the process of becoming aware”. I agree that its splitting hairs a bit, maybe the wrong wording altogether. Once you hit the self awareness point, where you are truly okay with who you are and being alone, you are no longer in the process in the same way. Absolutely growth is infinite, but there is a large difference in men and women who are self aware and conscious and those who are still on the path to getting there. Frankly, its kind of like porn vs art, I know it when I see it. No one has to convince me of what my issues are anymore, I can take that criticism gracefully, explain where I am sitting and the growth that I have already done. Its a pretty rare occasion that someone is able to call me out on an emotional point that I have never considered about myself. I have been raising kids since I was 19 and my oldest is now 17 and absolutely is one of these self aware, emotionally conscious men already. By the time he is 20 he will be a force to be reckoned with. That is my parenting, my ability to move past my issues. Thats the point I am trying to make I think, I am no longer working on finding and fixing my issues or baggage, I am actively moving past them. Yes they may pop up here and there, but I *promise* you *I* will catch them before you do. Its helpful to keep people who are able to see and expand on a growth point, but I am long past the need to have people to point out their existence. It sounds arrogant, I get that, but its not. Anyone sitting in my head space will tell you the same thing about themselves, in fact the OP did. At this point I absolutely understand my motivations, issues, drives and none of it is baggage, now it is all just part of my being. Being in process or beginning the process means that you aren’t always catching your crap before it comes out of your mouth, it means you are still having those “AHHA” moments about yourself, childhood, past relationships etc. My life, words, actions and emotions are expressed deliberately and with purpose. I don’t have accidental outbursts anymore, haven’t for a long time. I rarely lose my temper. I am calm and assertive almost 100% of the time and if I am on the edge of slipping out of calm, its never into aggression. I understand how my fear works and I use it to motivate me, not slow me down. I can acknowledge fear in the heartbeat that it presents itself and keep on moving through it. I now work with aggressive dogs and have to maintain calm and assertive pack leader status to dogs that want to eat me sometimes. You don’t meet that kind of energy with aggression or fear, not ever, I meet that energy with awareness of how I feel and honesty with my level of calm. I will always grow and change and expand, the dogs do that for me daily, but I am not on the path TO self awareness any longer.

Well written and very thoughtful and REAL. I’ve been blessed to know and love some very strong women in my life and will share this wisdom with others. I am engaged to a conscious woman and I’ve never been happier. Personal growth is the toughest work there is, but it is the best investment any of us can ever make. Gary Zukov has several books that speak of “spiritual partnerships”…that your writing reminded me of. In my coaching practice I work with some amazing women who are taking themselves on and I love it! Awareness is the key to all growth and change. Keep writing, keep sharing, you are on the right path!
With love and hugs,
Coach Kev
PS…I loved the pictures/graphics you used!

Finally!!! “Listen MEN, WE NEED YOU. All this – WE DON’T NEED YOU – crap is a big fat fucking lie.”

Thank you for saying that, you are spot on. You actually summed up your whole list 1-7. Your rant was long, interesting, funny..typical you and being a fellow Gemini..I get what you are saying. For me, personally, I don’t care about your whole post… I am not even the pussy whooped loser of a guy your speaking too…..a woman who I’ve slept with posted your post on her FB account and I stumbled upon it. I read five sentences, stopped at what you said above, skimmed the rest and stuck in a reply so you and others could see it because its absolute proof that you know what you are talking about. (who knows..maybe I do care if I am even bothering responding, right? fucking gemini’s lol)

Not trying to sound like I am selling myself, but I am attractive, I am fit, I travel the world and run a global ad agency, when I am not doing that..I’m driving a convertible in southern California that cost more than a house. I’ve no problem attracting woman and when I walk in a room, you can feel it. Everyone moves for me and I don’t even ask. I bet by now you think I am some fucking arrogant, into himself asshole? Your probably thinking who gives a fuck how much you have, how big your dick is, or even if I am lying (fyi..I AM NOT). It couldnt be further from the truth. I’m actually very smart and come across to people as genuine and charming.

To the guys that are reading this, the difference between me and you is actually attitude. I am confident and dominant, not domineering….just dominant. I know what the fuck I want and I go for it and nothing could stop me. I was broke, flat on my face a few times without money, but I pick myself up and make a fortune out of anything. I own a ton of shit that I paid for with my own money and I love my life and lifestyle.

Ok, ladies, Here is the deal, don’t fuck up and end up with an asshole. There is a difference between someone who is confident and can take care of you and a fucking prick. Don’t sell yourself short, I’ve actually watched a few of my old girlfriends kill themselves this year because they ended up with a jerk. Your better off single. Don’t get a submissive guy either…have you heard that song “A great big world”..”Say Something”. If that’s the kind of pussy of a guy you attract, then you’ve got a serious problem with your filters. That’s a needy little fuck of a song and I don’t blame whatever chick is ignoring him for dumping his stupid ass. Read more shit from Kelly… but don’t be a bitch. Guys like me hate/loathe/detest bitchy woman, .. but we will fuck them because bitchy women tend to offer a challenge, and we love fucking challenges. 🙂 When it comes to someone I really want to be with, I would rather be with a lady who has a great attitude, smiles a lot but may not be that pretty then a bitch that looks like a supermodel. Don’t fucking sell yourself short and quit crying over every fucking detail when you look in the mirror (we have no concept of that much detail unless we are gay). All I care about like I said, don’t be a cool, be fun to be with, smile, laugh and guys like me will find you 500 times more beautiful and sexy then the hotties that walk an aisle for a living. Be CONFIDENT too..but also be submissive. Bitches act dominant, however, confident, yet submissive woman are typically classy, fun and willing to let a man grab the back of her hair, throw her against a wall and fuck the shit out of her. (And I know that’s about exactly what almost ladies long as its done with passion and you don’t hurt them). I’ve been with a lot of woman, models-actresses-coctail waitresses and the only ones I remember, are the ones that were genuine.
Kelly, I don’t know what to say to are probably nodding and agreeing with me. Gemini’s could only understand other Gemini’s..we either hate each other or love each other…but we ALWAYS understand each other. Thanks for letting your guard down and admitting what needs to be admitted too…that’s awesome. You’ll find someone, I am sure of it.

Thank you for your honesty. I enjoyed reading your response. You actually inspired me to go after what I want, career wise. As I was reading the first few paragraphs, it never screamed “A-hole”. You know who you are and you go and work hard for what you want. For me, that is very admirable. So keep up the good work Self-aware man! We need more of you in this world.

Grace, you totally get it and you get where I am coming from. Yeah my language was harsh and I lacked all bit of tact, but I showed an important point. Thank you for your comments, you made my day. If I inspired just one person, especially on their career choices, there is really no definition of success beyond that. Happy 2014 and all my best wishes.

Thank you James. It is amazing how a lot of people lashed out on your comment. Maybe because they can hide behind the anonymity of the world wide web or they refuse to learn. People tend to mistake confidence for arrogance. It falls under the same principle of women being successful or on top taking control perceived as being a bitch. Personally, I felt that I couldn’t move forward because I used my emotions too much. Thinking of other people first. Afraid that I would be perceived as such. But I am exhausted of thinking about other people and their so called “opinions”. It got me no where. So thank you for opening my eyes. I hope we can meet someday… on top perhaps. Hopefully when I get there.

Just curious…”I’ve actually watched a few of my old girlfriends kill themselves this year because they ended up with a jerk.” So, why didn’t they end up with you with all you have going?

In principle, we may agree with you that women are not attracted necessarily to men who don’t know their purpose… but their is a huge gap between going after “what you want” and being unstoppable, and knowing your purpose. What might your purpose be then, friend?

And I agree that most women do want to be ravaged as you describe, which is in part, the rape fantasy that lies deeply within… the difference is that men who ravage come from a place of deep love and affection, protectors of their woman, honoring their femininity. Rape is an act of violence (see David Deida’s The Blue Truth).

I’m struggling to see the value of stating that you can have any woman you want, and do… you fuck them and then? There seems to be a disconnect there between confidence, self-awareness, and respect. Of course, there is the possibility these women you simply fuck could no more want from you than you want from them. Which kind of goes against everything Kelly said about connection…deep soulful connection…which at the end of the day, is what we all want. The learning curve to self-awareness is not as steep as the one to self-actualization…it’s one thing to be self-aware’s whole other ball game to be THERE, Present and self-actualized…

First of all, thanks for your message. Not only were you cordial, you are very respectful. I admit I was not respectful when writing, but I get pretty heated up on two fronts.

The first front is that I personally can’t stand how so many men in our generation have turned into “pussies”. How do I know this? Because I was one. After getting hurt all the time and rejected by hot women (who most had the same Kelly attitude), I made the decision years ago to be more consciously aware of who I am, to find the man in me and not the boy in potty training.

The second front, is that we have this smart young lady writing a post about a lot of things, which happens to also say we are a bunch of pussies and then says that “we still need you”. And a whole bucket load of woman agreeing with her. (Including me..ironically)

When I chose to be as confident as I can be, it changed my life. When I made a conscious decision to be more dominant, it changed my relationships. Because of this change, I became more successful with my business, friends and woman. Surprisingly everything I wrote about how happened to me, a 100% complete shift away from the man I was (nice, sensitive, sweet and needy) to someone who has no problem with woman anymore, no problem making friends and closing business.

Now let’s address, two points you brought up. First you took the sex part a little too far by calling it rape. I’m not implying that, let’s not even go there. What I said is that most woman, want to be fucked like an animal. They want the man to really control them and their bodies. They love it. Next time your having sex, kiss her deeply, feel her sides and run you hand up her back and grab her hair..tug it gently then kiss her neck. Then stop, pull away a little, be romantic and tell her what you like about her. Then pick her up and press her against the wall while you are behind her (not hurting her). You know, what, I’ll stop, I don’t meant to give a lesson in sex and by now you probably want to punch my lights out. Just fuck her like an animal, she’ll love it, she will love you. (I learned this from a WOMAN by the way and thanks to that, sex is great for me and my partner)

Old girlfriends were friends back in the day I was a pussy. They eventually got together with some asshole who treated them like shit and they killed themselves. This has nothing to do with why they weren’t with me..after all, they dumped me back then.

In response to your last paragraph, I am not trying to get in a relationship with anyone. Yes, I am having sex with lots of woman. Sounds shallow, it probably is but nobody’s complaining. If I was trying to be in a relationship (which I have been..and it lasted for a year..and it was great and it ended just fine). When I am ready to be serious with someone again, your point is relevant. By the way, how am I any different from a sexually active woman who goes out to have fun and not be in a relationship?

Nice reply David. I was kind of thinking those same things. Enlightened people don’t talk like that. They don’t need to.

The old “nice, sensitive, sweet and needy” James sounds WAY better then the new “confident” James. Neediness is so often confused with vulnerability. There is NOTHING wrong with letting your guard down with the right woman.

It sounds like you’re afraid of commitment and have some trust issues because of the pain you’ve endured during your “needy” phase. No one is blaming you for that… but if you ever want to have a meaningful relationship again, I suggest you bring back the old James. It kind of sounds like your new found “confidence” is more of a protective shield.

Thanks Lindsay, the “old james” was really insecure, needy, sad, desperate, overweight, over-sensitive and countless other things…glad you liked him, at least someone did. Unfortunately he slowly died as the “new james” learned (and continues to learn) how to address each parts of his life and make them better.

Yes, I have trust issues that I am working on addressing with myself, you are spot on. Being vulnerable and letting my guard down with the right woman takes trust, so you are right there too. But that does not have anything to do with being confident or at least when I speak of confidence. If I was over-confident (which I’m getting accused of over and over looking at my comments on my comment, lol), I could see your point. I’m actually a pretty happy and fun loving person who is as cocky as shit that’s learned to lighten up and not take things so seriously.

Lindsay, since you were so quick to point out a weakness I have and and important one to me (trust issues), maybe you can help and offer me some advice? My problem is this, I believe trust is earned over time. I also believe “love” is formed and created over time, just like a seed before it grows into a flower. Do you agree with that? I can certainly trust someone as much as I can love them but where I struggle, is with the timing of it all. At what point and to what degree can you fully trust someone? Is it something I say or tell them? Is it a time period? How do you really really know, you can trust someone, especially when so many people have so many self motivated desires when they meet you?

” Which kind of goes against everything Kelly said about connection…deep soulful connection…which at the end of the day, is what we all want. ”

It may be what you want. Heck, it even may be want most humans want, but it may not be what this particular man wants at this point in time.

Women and men both need to realize that what they want may not be the same as what their partners want at that point in time. None of us are entitled to get what we want from whomever we want whenever we want it.

We really need to scale back this entitlement attitude which is at its core very materialistic.

To James – Self aware? Smart? You are none of these. You’re a cocky ahole with cash that knows he can sleep with any dumb girl that finds that attractive. If you were ever with a consciously awake woman she would probably make you cry in the corner.
Based on what you wrote you treat and look at woman as material objects / challenges. You’re an idiot.

A real man knows he has issues, we all do. A real man owns them and works on them. We don’t try to sleep with woman just to make ourselves feel better.
A real relationship involves 2 people communicating and working on themselves and with their partner. Each needs to contribute or both will feel unsatisfied. Contributions can come in many forms but giving and receiving are equally important. Understanding what you want and what the other wants is extremely important. Both partners need to be consciously awake.

Take sex for example. Usually each partner will look at the word sex and have different definitions in their heads. If they don’t know what they want and or communicate what they want it’ll never work. Like 2 ships passing each other in the night. One looking for “connection” and the other looking for something “physical”. But if you talk about it and are honest with each other expectations will be real and you’ll both know what you’re getting into and or decide not to.

For men – emotions are a sign of weakness, but they shouldn’t be. Until we change the idea of what it is to be a real man we will only continue to do more harm than good. Men are slow to change. I think we’re on this path but don’t expect miracles. Personally I’m awake but I’ve got a LONG way to go before I become the man I want to be for myself, for my wife and as a model of a man for my 3 daughters.

Hey Man Trying to Own his Shit. Before heading off on your little tangent and calling me names, why don’t you re-read what I wrote? You don’t get it at all do you? I am saying man up, be a man…sit at a bar and drink a fucking whiskey already. Woman (including your daughters) are going to want someone confident and who they could trust will take care of them no matter what it takes. They NEED a man. Wouldn’t you want that for them? Or would you rather they marry some fucking needy guy who cries over every boo boo and cant hold a job?

You, I am sure, have a wonderful wife and wonderful daughters…they look up to you more than you’d probably ever know. Do you think I don’t respect that? I think its awesome and you should be a role model for them. Everyday you should be showing them what confidence is, what compassion is, what love is, what working hard means. They are going to marry a guy just like you one day, so be the man you want them to be with for the rest of their lives when your gone. Don’t fuck them up….to a are there everything.

This isn’t personal, I don’t give a fuck who likes me or who doesnt..including the Conciously Awake Woman. And I am certainly not trying to be a role model for you, your girls or for any dude reading this shit. All I am saying is simply wake the fuck up and be an example of what our fathers used to be before this country turned into a bunch little winey pussies. Woman need you, love them for that and you’ll get the most enriched relationships you can ever dream of.

ps..I like dumb chicks too, their actually not as “dumb’ as you might think.

You know who I think of when I read Kellie’s blog? Theodore Roosevelt. Not you. You are a cocky a-hole like that other guy said. You work in Marketing. You help yourself. You’re like the worst of the worst of whats wrong in society. You think you’re a great guy? such a soul-sojourner? I can tell you are not. I won’t even quantify or debate such non-sense with you. You are not what this woman is talking about.
There is quote that comes to mind when I read your posts: “A real gangsta-ass nigga never runs his fucking mouth”, you can google the rest of the song. Next you want to drop knowledge try some humility, maybe someone will listen.

James, you have a way to go yet dude. You will get there though, I am sure. Keep at it….

I couldn’t agree with you more Tom. I’m certainly not perfect, not even close to it. But I’m having a good time and I’m not at all lonely. Happy New year bud.

James I really enjoyed reading your first comment and your response to that guy. I appreciate you are aware of your accomplishments and at the same time agreed to a scope of improvement. There is nothing wrong in owing up to the success one has achieved with hard work after failing in the past. Its admirable according to me, not only in a man but in anyone. You had mentioned in your comment “I’ve no problem attracting woman and when I walk in a room, you can feel it” , this feeling can be beard by a jerk as well. but what important is the self evolution and the matter of choice. Being a young girl myself I have been attracted to jerks and superficial charm in the past mainly because of my vulnerability at its peak. However I have self evolved myself over a period of time yet to learn a lot about myself. Even if you make bad decisions in the past one must learn from them. Men should definitely take good things from your post and imply, not throw it back by labeling it prude etc. Good luck man. Have a great year ahead. 🙂

Wow, this guy James up here doesn’t get it. He’s about as far from a consciously awake man I can fathom. It sounds like his whole life is about money and sexual conquest and he just can’t help but tell the world. Still asleep, probably will never awaken.

Guess what, I hate to break this to you but human life is about money and sex. If you were actually aware and awake, you’d get that.
Have you ever watched TV? Have you noticed the girls in Kelly’s pics? Just out of curiosity, have you ever noticed that just about every advertisement on TV implies sexual attraction. Well to buy all that shit, you need money. I don’t know how many poor, broke guys you are dating (or with or married too or having sex with) but I am sure money is kind of an important factor in feeding your future kids. What kind of guy are you attracted too? Is it the guy who is 90 and wearing Depends but is super rich? Probably not, you know why..because you would have to have sex with him and you can’t imagine some old dudes balls flapping and wrapping around you like python in bed.
Spirtiual life is a different subject..I wont get into that…everything else is money and sex. Listen to “grandpa” on Little Miss Sunshine and you’ll know what I mean.

I would like to offer you a suggestion for your trust question…but first, I would like to say that I see both sides here. People were created each in their own individual ways and have their lifetime to try figure out what it means to be alive. Some people figure it our quickly, others after quite some time, and sadly, still others do not figure it out until short before their last breath. The “need” that Kelly writes about is the same “need” that you responded with. Both of you talk about self-love, just in different ways. It is what it is for each individual person. If it was easy, there would be one way that was successful for everyone to have it figured out already and this post would be a mute point…but it is not. I want to thank you for being vulnerable…it encouraged me to do something I have never done…write a reply in a public forum…thus growth has been a result of this casual encounter with you. Thank you.
So now for the trust response: you will never know when you can completely trust anyone…NEVER. If you have been burned in the past, you can never really fully trust anyone again, you can try, but it will always be difficult. What your focus should be, my friend, is learning to trust you! Trust your feeling about a person, listen to your intuition, the gut feeling that we all have is far too often ignored…Learn to hear that inner voice…that is all the trust a person needs to know with whom time will be well spent. All the while understanding that they may still hurt you.
Remember this: Knowing who you are is the best defense against who they think you are”
Best Wishes to you James!

Thanks so much for your advice, I really appreciate it. One unfortunate thing about being a Gemini is that every day we wake up, we are another person.
In all seriousness though, that’s great advice you gave me. I was thinking of going to see a shrink to talk about it (I haven’t been to one in a decade). Getting burned and burned a lot (in business and personal) in the past has wore me down to being suspicious and not fully trusting others, yet that lack of trust has hindered my relationships. As I grew and developed to being a better person, listening to my gut has intuitively helped me select the right people. Yet, the trust issue is still there and I almost lost someone I really like lately because of it (fortunately she brought it up). I see your point completely and from what I learned from it is to accept the fact that I can’t fully trust anyone. Keyword being to “accept the fact” that I can’t fully trust anyone.
But so long as I continue to be real, to be who I am as a man and to completely trust myself, I can see how that would be reflective in others. Thank you again. All of this correspondence has been very helpful to my own personal growth and has given me some good action items to work with this year.
Best wishes to you too.

James, I HIGHLY doubt Kelly is nodding in agreement with you. No smart, enlightened and self conscious person would. You are sooo far off base its actually kind of funny. But in the end, people like you are the reason why women’s studies 101 should be mandatory in school curriculum.

Kelly is likely reading half of the shit I write and agreeing to it, the other half laughing at it. She knows I am full of crap, likely exaggerating and yes it should be funny…because at the end of the day she is amused (and honored) how incredibly viral her piece went and is completely enthralled by many of the comments.
By the way, why are you saying “people like you”? What are you, a fucking racist? I am not a “people”, I’m an individual. Did I say your name sounds black? How would you feel if I did? Ok…you see my point? Don’t call me a “people”, that’s offensive and fucked up. Call me an asshole, I am ok with that.

Lol I am white. By referring to “people like you”, I was referring to stupid people. So thanks for proving my point 🙂

and also thank you for finally admitting you are full of crap! that was already abundantly clear to everyone else, but it is the first intelligent thing you have said yourself.

dsmn, i thought you were going to call me an asshole. Instead, I’m stupid.
But I’ll go with that, being part of a group of “stupid people”, is better than being alone.

Wow James! Im sorry hun but to the consciously awake you cannot hide ur bullshit. Unfortunately ur attitude and your choice of words and crudeness are transparent. This article is not about getting the girl or getting the guy. its about having a positive fullfilling relationship without all the bs and baggage. u may be fun for a night, but absolutely toxic for anything longterm. i hope these replies from women help you to look inwards and u see that though you have conquered money and confidence, you have not conquered ur inner bullshit. clean house and good luck.

Your comment made me so tired, my head almost bounced off the floor when i fell asleep. I have one thing to say to you, “anal”. you should try it. You probably wouldn’t be so completely fucking uptight. If you are interested, hit me up “hun”.

Youve caught me. im the only dreadlocked tattooed free spirited hippie on the planet who is uptight but uve pegged me. and my ability to have multiple orgasms and gush must be holding me back sexually. james if ur so fabulous why do u feel the need to prove urself to internet strangers. yes women like confidence. yes we like a dominantale. but we like that dominance to eminate from well managed emotional maturity. not just a false front to hide vulnerability and get laid.

Describing your sexual capability turned me on (not to mention your tattoos and free-willed spirit). Wish I was secure enough to land a girl like you. Thanks for reading and commenting on my post hun.

Nice James, well played. you are one of those guys that insults women to lower their self-esteem, and then tries to be funny to take advantage of their vulnerability. I bet you don’t even realize it do you? And I bet most people aren’t immediately aware that you are doing it to them. This is actually a sort of psychopathology.

Yes hes quite the douche…but my self esteem remains intact. His comments just make me giggle and feel sorry for him. He failed the acid test…he doesnt realize the more he says the more we can see through him. Nor does he realize that money, a car and a false sense of confidence are not what attract the women that most awake men want. Having an income, transportation and a great attitude come from being a well rounded individual. Those are not assets, those are basics.

To JAMES, it is absolutely hilarious that you are trying to post your “advice” on an article that is directed at guys exactly like YOU. This article is pretty much urging guys to stop being like you, because you are toxic to society, so it is actually ironic how smart you think your response is. Your post is a defining example of precisely what the problem is with men today. Have fun with the bimbos that your idiotic mentality, unfounded cockiness and teenage superficiality attract. Because I can guarantee you that NO intelligent, self-conscious, self-respecting Worthy woman would everrrrr want ANYTHING to do with you lol.

E for effort, but you are 100% see-through.

I love your name? Italian? I love Italian woman..they get so worked up. I hope you weren’t hitting the table with your hand too much when responding. It’s probably redder than your ass cheek gets when its slapped. Mama Mia!

Ok, in all seriousness, I am responding to Kelly’s well written post that men should be men and not a bunch of pussies. Ignore what I said about how I have sex with everything that walks and I make a bunch of money (which I do on both fronts) and stop categorizing me as some 100% see through dude. If anything, you should be thanking me. I gave some advice to guys that they could do whatever they want and be with whomever they want, if they could be more confident and more dominant. I don’t want people to be like me, that would be creating too much competition..give me a break..not that stupid.

For woman, I just said to be confident, yet submissive and not a bitch. Thats ALL I wrote.
So try not chastising me until you actually understand what I am saying. The moment you find yourself more dominant than your boyfriend/husband lover whatever are going to conflict in a big way.

Hey.. im just wondering.. Am i the only one who sees you James for mostly what you are or pretend to be? I mean .. after reading Kelly s article.. i kept on reading the comments and the replays to you and laugh..i cant say what kind of person you are.. specially not just from reading these few posts you left here.. because lets be honest.. i could write many things and make my self out to be something im completely not.. but it was amazing to see how the people who claim to have found them self’s in the article .. who are consciously awake had the need to jump on a silly comment from a random guy who may or may not be a lonely teenage boy (or girl) fighting acne and hoping for a first kiss before collage…or may really be a “big important man” as he is painting the picture of him self… in the end it douse not matter because all of us are to look at our self and see whats up there.. i think that was Kellys point.. woman and man.. so why waist your time on aether a great tease by the mysterious James or a man who is so lost in the walls and facade he put up by being hurt so much from being a nice guy that he started believing the lies he has been telling him self for so many years.. is James an asshole or not is not the question here.. the question is why did you let his comments get to you so much…
hope you all have a wonderful year ….

Well lola…ur self awareness should answer your own question. whatever led you to post a reply to all of our responses is the same reason we replied to james. did you really not realize that you are doing exactly what evrryone else is…maybe we all get off on feeling superior to those more asleep than ourselves. being aware lessens the ego, it doesnt irradicate it…its all fun and games anyhow. the person james is or portrays is very clearly a nut. u know the saying…”if u think ur crazy then ur not crazy.” james clearly does not think hes crazy.

Hahaha!!! I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy. I say that every morning when I look in the mirror, its my daily affirmation.

p.s. and as for you James.. i really hope you were teasing.. if you were not and you really honestly described your life and self.. i hope you find a woman that will show you how amazing your nerdy and cute self is that you left behind.. that society and bitchy, mean and low self esteem woman told you was week … most woman may while growing up and maturing look and fall for a so called bad boy type of guy.. but after a lot of heartbreak and time spent being his therapist, mommy and every other thing his ass needs we (hopeful) realize how amazing the cute nerdy man close to us was..
if you let something from the outside change you on the inside from fear of getting hurt… check it well in and out to see if you handled it in the right way.. i think that’s what everyone has missed here.. the fact that your loud and bragging mouth is just hiding a hurt boy inside who just wanted to make someone happy and be happy him self.. after years of lying to your self and everyone around you really believe your happy and good.. but come one man.. you let “them” (who ever) from your past turn you into someone you are today.. im not talking about your business.. but you as a person.. as a man.. and i really hope you can hear this.. not just diss… think about it.. openly and honestly.. maybe i am wrong.. but i know i really do wish you all the best.. and hope you find what your really looking .. the thing that is in your heart…

You GET it!! I can’t thank you enough for your post. I really do appreciate your comments and I think it offers a lot of people (including myself) some outstanding insight. Why am I saying you “get it”?, well because I think you are recognizing that I’m actually just joking half the time…BUT there is some truth to my statements as well.

70% of communication is actually body language, 30% is everything else. Anything written can be thrown so far off context, its hilarious. If we were to meet in person and we had this same discussion face to face, with the exact same words, you and I would be busting up on the floor laughing, because you would be able to see that at the end of the day, it’s all pretty funny. Anybody reading this should “lighten up” a bit, there is great insight into Kelly’s post and you should agree and disagree with it.

Now lets get to your point about me, since you brought it up and from what I can tell, everything is about me because I am super egotistical and over confident (I don’t have to point out that I am joking again, do i?). No, I’m not a little teenager with acne but I certainly do act like one sometimes. Yes, I do own a $170K car and 10 years ago, I owned a $3K car that broke down a lot. Yes, I have wealth, 10 years ago I lived in a tiny apartment and was worried about paying the $600 a month rent. Yes, I own my own marketing firm, 10 years ago I was paid $8.50 an hour to be an assistant to someone who worked in real estate. I was also overweight and guess what..also had no confidence, I was super sensitive and super nice. People loved me at first, then they blew me off and was taken advantage of when I came out with a bright idea. I’d get into relationships that left me broken hearted and crushed. That’s the “old james” your referring too. It’s your nature Lola to be nurturing because I can tell by the way you responded and I know that when you read this you probably feel a little sad for me back then. Continuing on, I finally got married, had a child with her and about 4 years ago we divorced when my daughter was 5. Now I’m single, I’m in great health and fit, I laugh and joke a LOT, I date a lot of woman (some to fulfil the sexual needs that every man has and some to just be friends with). When I feel like the right person for me comes along, I’ll probably settle down with her, hopefully forever. But for now, I’m just having a good time, working on myself to be a better man and enjoying what I do for a living and the payoff it provides.

Why am I commenting on Kelly’s blog? There is a couple of reasons, first of all, I like that she put her guard down, took the mask off and finally admitted what many woman feel. I like that she is trying to make sense of it all and she is asking men to grow up and be men..the kind of man that she wants to love. In the Course of Miracles, it states every type of communication is either “a cry for help or a loving a response”. Hers is both and brilliantly written. (even though I disagree with some of it)
Secondly, I’m in marketing. I’ve got brand advertisers with media spends of over half a billion dollars a year. The amount of activity and traffic she got from this article is really worth analyzing in more detail, especially socially viral component of it. Brands would pay a fortune for this kind of human interaction and insight.
Third, my original post was written after reading Kelly’s continuous and passionate fuck this and fuck that. When someone is throwing f word around like a trucker, I tend to pick up on that…if you read my post minus the would find that ALL I am saying is that I agree with Kelly that Men need to be a Man and become more consciously awake. When I did, I became a better person, one that I actually like and I noticed as a side effect, more people liked me then ever, my relationships got better and people who had problems with neediness etc stopped clinging to me and went and hung out with someone else that they could share their negativity in. So my comment was saying, guys..listen to this chick..get your ass in gear, be a man, “try” to be more confidnet, “try” to be less needy, “try” to be more dominant (not domineering or asshole) and when you do, it will change your life. I also asked if woman could too “try” and be more confident, do not take the “dominant” role because your likely to conflict with your man if you do and stop being a bitch. If you ask a guy what is the number one reason for ending their relationships, its because they couldn’t tolerate the attitude anymore. (and here every woman thought it was their looks as they got older, gained weight or whatever).

I also recognize at least 50% of the time, why woman become so bitchy. Tired and lack of sleep. PMS. Not getting sexually satisfied. Not feeling pretty. This could go on and on. I get it and I think every woman has the right to be a bitch and every guy has a duty to either tolerate it, talk about it or fuck her back to happiness :).

As far as everyone else’s comments go, some have been really positive. Some people get really worked up and read me as some over confident jerk that is responsible for fucking up the lives of so many woman. I’m stupid have issues, psychopath LOL, etc. Amazing how many actually are over analyzing my comments above and throwing them out of context, just like so many are throwing Kelly’s article out of context. Imagine “the other james” he calls himself’s first reaction that we both had the same name and he needed to quickly clarify that he’s not the same guy…and then slamming me in every comment. Ahaha! The best part of it is that I don’t care what he has to say…its almost cartoonish..remember when Elmer Fudd had the Devil on one shoulder and and the Angel on the other? That’s the me James and the guy who calls himself the “other james”. hahaaha!!!

Anyway, Lola. I gotta run and get back to the grind. Thank you again for your comments geared toward me and others who are reacting to my comments, you are super cool, super special and you, miss Lola, have an awesome 2014!

Well Dear James,
Thank you for broadening up the picture about you and i really do understand.. for i can admit i may have given my opinion to prematurely now knowing enough facts about you and the situation but i know you forgive me since i meant no harm and was only speaking from experience (some mine , some of those close to me) .. the basic of the message was clear i think.. i just really wish for you to be happy in your life… just like everyone else..
and thank you Kelly for writing this post and clearing so much to so many 🙂


I didnt take your comment to me originally negatively so don’t feel bad. If anything, I probably should work on my written communication skills so I don’t get thrown out of context. 🙂 Plus how can I get mad at the name “Lola”. The absolute most special and most important person ever in my life had the same name, she died 15 years ago at 84 and I think of her every day and I miss her. Thanks again for writing and giving me the time to explain myself a little clearer.

“There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” Aristotle

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?”
― Rumi

“Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.”
― Rumi
Very wise man as far as im concerns.. anyway.. so long from little old me..

This article was funny. Reading about that James guy’s attempt to cover up his deep insecurity by being hyper-masculine…even funnier!

Awesome. he reminds me of the guy from “I Heart Huckabees”. The one that takes over the company.

Great post, James! There are some things in your story where I can recognize myself. It is the path of becoming a man and leaving the boy inside behind. I understand very well the difficulty many men have growing up in a society that lacks grown up people who could function as a mentor and where feminism believes they can define how a man should be. In the early years I was such a “man”. I was very good in cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and all that kind of stuff. I believed this is the kind of man a woman wants. But nothing is as far from the truth as this. Because the feminism learned me to reject my masculine side (in the 70-‘s men were really condemned, and regarded as useless and beasty cavemen). I was very successful in having women … not for a relationship but as female friends. So often I had to hear the phrase: “you are such a sweet and lovely boy, Max, but I am not in love with you. Don’t worry, I am sure you will make somebody very happy one day”. I had no idea then what I was doing wrong with attracting the right women.

After some time I got married with a woman who admitted she came from the lazy MTV-generation. In one way we had a good match: I did almost everything in the house, besides the full-time work of my own company. 8 years ago I divorced in a state of burn-out. With 3 kids, household, work. It was impossible for me to hold up. I was like I finally made a conscious decision to choose for myself and go for a quest to be a real man. The period after I managed to build up my business successful, but I suffered from intense anxiety accompanied with strong fear attacks which seem to come out from nothing. No wonder I felt like it was impossible for me to date women.

Finally it was like I reached the end of a very dark tunnel where I have been in for 2 years. And I experienced that my life started to blossom. My business is flourishing and expanding. My social network started to grow and people were noticing my strength, stability, leadership and loyalty.
Interestingly, on the sexual area something got changed. Before I always felt a bit timid with sex, but now … Some time ago I met a tantric teacher. She revealed me one thing about women that made a coin fell finally into place. She said that all women are so much longing for a big dick in their pussy, but most of them don’t realize this. Therefore a woman wants to be taken by a man. I was learned something completely different in the past from the feminists!

It might sound funny, but somehow it really turned me into a kind of tiger. Difficulty in dating women belongs to the past now. I even don’t need to date women; somehow they just seem to come to me without any effort. And it is such a big relief to let myself completely go out of control and feel the freedom in ravaging a woman like a wild animal. And they seem to really enjoy it 😀
To have a wonderful sex life gives a tremendous boost to one’s self-esteem.

In short: I feel like a real man. I don’t know if I am awakened but I feel connected with my life purpose. My company is running very good and I have 3 women as employees, all of them beautiful, female, cheerful, passionate and intelligent. As a team we work great together and they trust my leadership.

And I do still have good contact with the mother of my children. In fact, the contact with her has become even better although we are not in a love relationship, but it benefits our children very good. I see my kids regularly, it only takes a lot of travel.

I have now this incredible feeling to be free, that I have the choice in creating my own destiny. Many years ago I read a phrase saying: “the more responsibility one take, the more freedom one will experience” which is so true in my eyes. I am a free and responsible man.

Have a great new year!

Thank you for sharing your story man, it is so similar to mine. We are totally on the same page…having very similar life experiences and I’m relieved I’m not alone in my thinking.

I’m glad to have let go of the person that woman always claimed to want..this ‘nice guy’ idea, the one that she quickly got bored of and left sad and miserable. I actually wish my brute dad would have socked me back then and said, ‘you better knock that shit off boy, that’s not how you treat a woman’. Instead, I took the advice from my sister who told me girls just wanted a sweet nice guy (which led to no sex and no relationships). Ironically, many of the girls that blew me off back then tell me now how much they regretted that (the divorced and even married ones). Funny how the tables turn as we age, I think God does that to prevent us from too much procreation. He makes woman incredibly gorgeous and intellectually capable while they are young and us guys immature, zit faced and awkward. Then as we age, we ‘hopefully’ get better looking, more manly and more intellectually capable while she has to deal with sagging tits, menopause, weight gain and grey hair. Its kind of fucked up for both sexes.

I think the only difference bro is that you are way ahead of me with your kids and the relationship with your ex. I’m still trying to cope with missing my little girl a lot when I don’t have her and I am so afraid of fucking her up mentally. Sometimes when I am traveling and having dinner alone, I setup my iphone and play a video of her to keep me company. If I were to stay with my ex, she (my daughter) would think it would be ok to be together with someone who was miserable with each other, if I have a different girlfriend around all the time, I fear she’s going to end up seeing that as normal and end up slutty (I don’t know any other way to emphasize that, so forgive my tone). I hope I am just over thinking it.

What do you do to maintain the relationship with your kids and set a good example for them? I’m stuck. Certainly not perfect.

Your comments and reactions to the other people in Kelly’s article are awesome, James. For me it is a sign that you are a man on the way to be consciously aware. Why? Because you put yourself down on the spot and in a way you are saying: “here I am”. This is quite a presence. No wonder a lot of people here are talking to you and about you. I can really learn from this.

My impression is that you are quite sensitive and open, because you show yourself at once how you are when you are entering some space. Maybe this can have something to do with the trust issue 😉
On this comment list you show openly what you think and your attitude. Yes, you are dominant (me too) and show yourself off who you are. BUT … on the good thing is that on this list you NEVER compared yourself with others or talking them down, you always kept an attitude of respect and a certain dignity. I think you can trust yourself that this will be your protection. And why … did you notice that many persons here who are criticizing you do this in the 3-th case (James, he) and not in the 2-nd case (you) which would be a much more direct way of communication? I guess some critical persons don’t dare to approach you too close and keep writing to you in the 3-th case.

Yes I am from the Netherlands! And I am happy that I am born here 🙂
I think it would be great to stay in touch with you. If you want you can leave a message with your email address at the contact form of my website (I don’t want to write here my email address). The site is not in English yet but the translations are being worked on. It would be interesting to exchange knowledge with you, about whatever concerning awakening. I read that you did something with CIM. Sometimes I am thinking of going to Winsconsin when I come to America. I have never been in USA but it looks like me and my business partner are going to visit our product suppliers in September. And if you are interested, you can let me know when you come to the Netherlands.

It is nice to read the way you have contact with your daughter. She is such a treasure for you.

Take care, my friend. I just quickly wrote this message because Kelly’s site was offline for a while … we never know if she would delete everything.

Play on Playa :)…I enjoyed reading your post just as much as Kelly’s. I’m not a Gemini, I’m a Scorpio, but still I get you. Keep writing! May we all become consciously awake this new year…Happy 2014!

Slim..your funny as shit. I guaranfuckintee you live with your mom and beat your little dick to VS catalogues…Google that shit cuz I already know you have no idea what  VS stands for you dumb inbred idiot. Everything you typed was either hysterical (that means fucking funny) or made me wanna throw up in my mouth..which happened twice. Damn I wanna smack the shit outta dumb ass cavemen like you. Probably, I’d bet my dick, you were a washed out second string highschool JV football player. Never been with nor able to recognize a real woman, let alone”a lot of women” For real bro..its fucktards like you she wrote the article about. Fucking idiot.

WOW! This article is the truth! Most of what you’ve expressed through these words are a reflection of what I am all about Authenticity. We have to be real with ourselves, I totally agree. LOVED IT

This is a wonderful piece of self awareness and self expression. I believe it reflects a changing time for the better of our society as a whole. Mostly men don’t realise that we will never know true personal freedom until everyone does. To work through our own shit is the greatest personal journey anyone will ever travel. Having travelled that journey for a significant period I can describe myself as an awakened man and this I also can revisit the issues of my life without their memory knocking my life and any relationships for six. My mission and purpose I believe is to support change whenever I can and to support the emotional growth of both men and women as they come to a place in their lives were they ask for help. I for one don’t want to treat women any differently than I want my daughter’s partner to treat her, but I also want her to experience love completely and in every sense of it’s meaning and I want that for myself too. Thank you Kelly for taking the time to write this, I found it to be inspiring and enlightening.

Thank you so much for that , I have bin threw so much loss and struggled with everything you wrote about . When I finally said no more and left a 3yr toxic relationship. I did it to break the cycle of abuse for my daughter who is11months old to see and know what is acceptable and what is not . Reading this helped me imposed me that I am on the right spritual path for my selfand my own Iner happiness. In honor of my daughter who dyed 4 years ago at one years old whither to watch me suffer from inner turmoil because of the men I put up with. And now that I have a new start with my newest daughter inner warrior stood up one last time to never go back to that again. Its not easy but im worth it and so is my daughter.. thank you for your honesty and awareness to share and remind when self dought is around that there is hope there is happiness and there is a future full of endless possibilities once your woken up..

Cedar, you are absolutely correct in not getting involved with a man while you have a new daughter. And its sad that your first daughter had to see you divert your love and attention from her to multiple men, as you state, but hopefully your second daughter will see you in a loving and committed life long relationship with her father. If not, then at least she can get the undivided love and attention of her mother.

Please set the example for other single parents because its reached epidemic heights in my country.

While I agree with your assessment on the ethos of men in general, you could also consider that what is often read as “emotionally blocked” in men is actually the manifestation of men being ruthlessly selective. There is a difference, as the selective variety needs to be confident they want what they are bargaining for before they let their true selves flow unabridged.

WOW! It is time someone put words to this! There are so many true statements in this writing, I cannot even being to count! Thank you for taking the time to put this piece together, for us all!

It’s obvious you are seeing how out of whack you are, noticed you changed your header from- BITCH DON’T KILL MY VIBE- to a nice sexy pic. And also have edited the article to come across as not such a rage-aholic- just saying YO YO. My 12 year old daughter has a better vocabulary.

The author has no idea what she is talking about. She is telling guys what they should want? Putting guys on pedestal is not due to lack of self worth. Look up love addiction and love avoidant. You can’t throw just a bunch of powerful or sounding good words and expect to be right

Love is a verb made up of 2 acts:

1) acts of respect and
2) acts of appreciation

What is respect? Respect is a small amount of fear of a particular
consequence. If a partner has no fear of losing the companionship
of the other, then there is no respect. With no respect comes
cheating, unaccountability in ones role etc…

Appreciation is a supportive gesture or act to bring some
happiness to someone you value. It could be as small as saving
some french fries from your lunch for your loved one.

If these two qualities are missing you are not either:

1) engaging in loving behavior or

2) you are not being loved.